Disclaimer: I do not own That 70's Show or any of its characters.

Michael Kelso




Jackie scanned her backyard hysterically in search of her beloved black cat. "He has to be here somewhere, Michael!"

Kelso, less than enthusiastic about spending the entire evening looking for that freaking cat while he could be getting some action, looked up a nearby tree. It was already dark out, the temperature was dropping, and he hadn't eaten in over an hour. "Listen Jackie, I think he flew the coop, so why don't we just go back inside for awhile and…"


"Damn Jackie!"

"You're the one who let him out anyways, so know you have to find him!" she exclaimed. "Poor Fifi. He's never left the house before. He's probably cold, and hungry, and tired…"

Kelso listened to his stomach growl as he shivered. "…FINE!..."

"Michael! I think I heard something over there, behind the shed!" Jackie exclaimed as she pointed towards a small garden shed located on the corner of her property. "Go Michael! Quick, before he gets away!"

Kelso shook his head as he approached the shed, in fact hearing a few rustling noises behind it. "Damn cat," he muttered under his breath. He pulled back the weeds to see, sure enough, the furry black cat. "Come here Fifi," he cooed. "Let Uncle Kelso have you…" But the cat, obviously frightened by the 17-year-old dufus, pounced in his face before scramming across the yard. "Ahh! He attacked me!"

"Oh hurry Michael! Don't let him get away!" Jackie exclaimed, indifferent to the small scratches on Kelso's face.

Kelso quickly ran after the feline, waving his long arms into the sky. The sooner I find that flee-bag, the sooner I get Tang, he reminded himself, ignoring the painful lacerations to his pretty-boy face.

"Kitty, kitty…!" he called as he darted around the garage, and into the neighbor's yard. "Fifi…kitty!"

Kelso paused, realizing he had lost the cat entirely. He felt like just taking off and forgetting about that stupid cat. He could really go for a burger at the Hub, and maybe then join the guys in the circle. But then Jackie would never forgive him, and he'd have to listen to her mouth non-stop for the next 10 weeks. And also, he wouldn't get his sweet Tang.

"Michael!" Jackie chased him into the yard, breathless. "Did – did you find him?"

Crap, he thought.

He turned his head quickly as he heard a strange noise from behind the neighbor's shrub. "Of course, Jackie," he replied. "I'm not an idiot," he said, rolling his eyes. "He's – he's in the bush! Probably just building a nest for his young."

"Michael," Jackie began to correct him.

"Shh! Be quiet or you'll scare him." Jackie watched as Kelso quietly stalked towards the shrub, and in an instant, reached in through the greenery to grab the furry creature hiding inside. He quickly stuck the cat under his arm, stroking its fuzzy little head. "See, I had it all under…"


"Jackie, calm down. I have Fifi right he-"

"That IS NOT Fifi!"

"Wha-" Not Fifi? Kelso looked down at the small, black furry creature in his arms, two large stripes down his back. "Hey, since when does Fifi have stripes?" he asked Jackie. But she had already darted into the house.


Jackie could hear Kelso's feminine screams as she quickly slid the sliding glass door of her home shut. Next came the scent of the overwhelming fumes expelling from the small creature.

"It's a skunk!" Kelso screamed in a high-pitched voice as the small animal showered him with its highly potent 'skunk juice.' "It's a skunk! It's a skunk!" he exclaimed as he quickly ran back and forth across the backyard, trying to escape the odor that followed him everywhere he went.

Jackie shook her head. I'm in love with an idiot.