Twice in a Lifetime
"Commercial Values"
By Lucky_Ladybug

Between assignments, Judge Othniel liked to watch TV. Occassionally, Mr. Smith watched with him. This was one of those occassions.

They had been watching The Honeymooners when they ran into a particularly long commercial break.

"Now will you look at that!" Othniel said, pointing at the screen, where a stomach walked on a treadmill. "The commercials are getting more ridiculous every day!"

Just seeing Othniel's expression made Mr. Smith crack up.

The next commercial featured a muddy Jeep.

"Look at that!" Othniel complained. "They certainly don't know how to take good care of their car!"

Mr. Smith grinned. "I have to agree with that, Judge."

Then came the Jeep's reaction . . . It started shaking itself off like a dog.

"Well, that's one way of correcting the mistake, I suppose," Othniel said doubtfully.

Finally the commercial break ended and the show came back on. Othniel and Mr. Smith were able to watch the show peacefully until the next commercial break.

"What are things coming to?" Othniel declared, "It used to be that a thirty minute show would have about five minutes of commercial time. Now it's almost doubled!"

Suddenly Louis Armstrong's "What a Wonderful World" filled the room. On the screen, different kinds of pollen popped out all over the place. Mr. Smith snickered at the commercial while Othniel shook his head in disbelief.

Mr. Jones wandered in just in time for the next commercial, which featured a guy so engrossed in the TV show he was watching that he didn't realize he had grabbed a pussywillow to eat instead of the potato chips. After he put the thing in his mouth and started to chew it, he realized his mistake. Everyone chuckled at that one, even Othniel.

"What're you guys doing? Watching Candid Camera?" Mr. Jones asked humorously.

"No, actually, we were watching The Honeymooners," Mr. Smith replied.

"Yes, but they keep prolonging the commercial breaks," Othniel said.

The next one featured a married couple looking dreamily into each other's eyes.

"Hey, this looks promising," Mr. Smith commented.

The romantic moment was shattered when the husband was suddenly hit with green peas.

Mr. Smith looked appalled. Othniel and Mr. Jones started to laugh. On the screen, the camera panned backward to reveal a kitchen setting, where the baby was playing with his food.

"I thought they were going to show something romantic," Mr. Smith complained.

The next commercial featured a man sitting up in bed groaning.

"What's wrong with him?" Mr. Jones wondered.

They soon found out. The guy's wife asked the same question, and he responded by opening his mouth and having fire shoot through it.

"Oh, so we have a human dragon here?" Othniel commented a little skeptically.

Now they were showing a closeup of some huge Alka-Seltzer pills. Smith and Jones were cracking up. "I think he had heartburn," Mr. Smith managed to say.

Eventually the commercial break ended, but it wasn't long before there was another one.

A mother was attempting to get a bowl of ice cream for her baby. Apparantly, the freezer had been working very well. The mother was having trouble even getting a spoonful out of the carton.

Suddenly the carton flew out of the mother's hands and out the window, while the baby started to cry.

The carton flew around the neighborhood, finally reentering the house through another window and landing in the baby's dish.

"Now that one was quite cute," Othniel said. "Like the one with the green peas."

Throughout the rest of the commercial break, they encountered a lady daydreaming about food everywhere she went ("It encourages gluttony!" Othniel complained), a man covered in magnets hitching a ride on the back of a car ("That's a new way to get to your job," Mr. Jones commented), a set of dentures snoring in a glass of water ("Ohhh . . . Motorized teeth!" Mr. Smith joked), a commercial for Clorox Disinfectant that stated, "A kid who won't share anything else *will* share the cold bug" ("I'm afraid that's very true," Othniel said sadly, while Smith and Jones totally cracked up), and then a commercial for Dran-O, with a couple getting bent out of shape over their clogged sink . . . literally.

Othniel stood up, shaking his head in disbelief at the goofy commercial. "I think I've had quite enough of the television for now," he declared. "What's more, I believe we all have assignments to get to."

"Yeah, I guess you're right, Judge," Mr. Jones agreed.

As they left the room with the TV, Mr. Smith said jokingly, "You know, I was just starting to get into it. That Dran-O commercial was something else!"

Othniel looked at Mr. Smith sternly. "Now don't you start, Mr. Smith!" he said, shaking a finger at him.

Mr. Jones started to laugh. Mr. Smith did, too, and before Othniel quite realized it, he had joined in as well.