BAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHH... can't BREATHE... sweet Irk....
Dib-stink... -leash-... GIR!
Oh... OH... the look! The HUMILIATION! He stands there with his eyes like THIS and mouth hanging open and all red and ... squinty, looks like a dried up old Slookyflurg and... BAHAHAHAH! I want to scream for the computer to take a hundred thousand PICTURES of this but I can't stop LAUGHING long enough to get stupid words out...
I hear him growling, "Shut UP, Zim!" Would be dangerous, except he isn't gonna get... very far... AHAHAHAH!
No.. got to... heeeh...heehhh... got to get CONTROL... get my BREATH back..!
I spin clear, fall on console, buttons go beep under my claws, oh, it's too much! Gasp in for breathing, oh my Tallest it HURTS... good hurt, though. Amazing hurt. Worth it. Oh, and Dib hates me, now. Eyes all flashy and glinting. Hates me with those piggy little eyes of his.
Poor little HUMAN.... gonna hate me EVEN MORE after I get my lungs back in order! oh YES, you will.
Stand up, gotta stand up. Breathing, like the Academy, in out good... control... straighten the back... and SMILE. The SMILE is the most, the VERY most important part. I see it sink into Dib like a blade. Now he doesn't just hate me, he WONDERS. What will the AMAZING, UNPREDICTABLE ZIM do next?
Is that a tiny hint of fear I see? Beautiful.
"GIR," I say, "I see you've brought the HUMAN for INSPECTION. Very good! I'll take it from here, GIR!!" I hold out my hand toward my LOYAL sidekick, waiting. Tap my foot a little.
Why isn't he placing the leash in my hand? I tap my foot a little HARDER. "Gir..." Calm voice, mmhmm. Don't need to be ANGRY... just patient... Grinds my TEETH to be so patient, but I am ZIM and I can be patient for THIS. The human watches me warily, shuffling back as far as the leash.. oh no don't laugh again... will allow. I don't bother to meet his gaze. He may WAIT on me and DESPAIR; I'll make my purpose for him known in my own good time.
Gir is being PETULANT; as I reach for the strap he pulls it back! How dare he... He narrows his eyes and shakes his head..."Nuh-uh! He MY puppy! You said so!" Arghhh .... MORE defiance?! This is INSANE! I'll have to reprogram EVERYTHING AROUND ME FIRST CHANCE I GET! Where is this RESISTANCE coming from?
And of COURSE the Dib-thing picks up on this and runs with it... "Yeah, Zim, YOU said so!"
"Don't try to SWEET-TALK your way out of this!" I shriek back. Feel the blood rushing to my head... stupid human! Make me lose control! Be QUIET!
Urggh. I didn't count on Gir ACTUALLY REMEMBERING what I said- y'know, he doesn't NORMALLY. I quickly look around. Is there ANYTHING I can distract him with, any sort of shiny thing? Have I got some GUM or something in my pak... must be SOMETHING! I move my hand around over the console and feel something come loose under my fingers. No idea what it is, but I can see it's round and shiny. GOOD ENOUGH!
"Giiiir." I coo. Hear the cooing of Zim! I am so tempting, am I not? "Gir, I'll TRADE you your..." Pierce the human with my MEANINGFUL STARE and SMIRK, "...PUPPY for ... this!" Hold out the shiny thing. Wave it around a little. "It's shiny! You LIKE shiny things... you can have it, just GIVE ME THE DIB..."
Who could possibly remain UNMOVED by the cleverly convincing words of ZIM?
The Dib looks at Gir with ... heh... 'puppy-dog' eyes and shakes his head no no NO.
I step nearer, waving the smooth thing before Gir. "Shiny thing, Gir... it's a SHINY thing...all for YOU..."
"No! I wanna ... uggh... be a puppy! A really cute puppy! I can.. uhm... do TRICKS! Yeah! Look! I can ...STAND ON TWO LEGS! FOR HOURS AT A TIME!" The stink-worm is pleading with Gir. If I wasn't so irritated this would be TRULY hilarious. Hmm... I wonder just how far I can actually GET the Dib to DEBASE himself... hMMm...
But my robot looks confused. "Uhhh...I dunno.. that IS a purdy good trick... uhm...." He chews on his lower robot-lip and looks between me and the Dib and me and the Dib and me and the Dib and oog I'm starting to get -dizzy- so let's END this!
"CHOOSE NOW!" I dangle the shiny round thing right in front of Gir! I know I'll win. His ATTENTION span can't hold out that much longer!
Yet the Dib-monster tries one last PATHETIC ploy! His gaze turns to the ceiling, but I don't see what could help him there! "Uhm... -bark?-"
HAH! TOO LATE, DIB...! Gir snatches the shiny thing from me and slaps the leash across my palm! He flops over onto the floor so that he can amuse himself licking and drooling all over the shiny thing! That's... disgusting. I step back to make room for his rolling, stinky body. Someday I really need to... eh, WASH him or something. Eeh.
I SMILE at the Dib again. Nice big I WIN smile. Tighten my fingers around the leash and tug on it JUST enough so he can FEEL it. I've got you NOW, human... right where I want you. Right where I'll KEEP you.
The human lurches forward as I pull; almost falls into me, but jerks back, until the line forces him to stop and balance out. His fingers claw at the material around his throat. His face fumes, but his lips are wibbling with fear.
This is going to be SO. MUCH. FUN.