(A/N: Gentle readers! Welcome to the fourth edition of the extremely stupid adventures of Lucius Malfoy, as documented by me. I do not see how it could have come this far, but we shall give it another go and if this story beaches somewhere and dies, it would be a natural death rather than a cruel murder, I suppose. In the meantime, however, let us have some fun, and I do expect my reviewers to have a reasonable literary standard in their written works by now. Now come, gentle reader, and huddle contently in this story's warm lap.)

Chapter 1: Lucius Malfoy Loses An Eye

"That's ridiculous," said Lucius Malfoy, "My eye is right here!" To prove his point, he pointed his finger at it, and accidentally poked himself in the eye. "Oooow! Noo! I've gone blind!" he called, stumbling around in a panic.

Behind him, Severus Snape just sighed and shook his head.