a transformative Invader Zim fanfic
by J. Random Lurker

Master, the human's transmitting now.

Irken Invader Zim immediately dropped the circuit board he was fiddling with and nodded. An eager grin of anticipation curved his lipless mouth; his iridescent red eyes lit with an inner flame.

"Excellent! Record it and add it to the files. Route me to the core chamber. I'll listen to it there."

Ten seconds later the alien Invader was making himself comfortable, wriggling into the soft purple leather of his central control console. Folding his hands over his small body, Zim let his artificial eyes slip closed. To an unschooled observer it would appear as though he were allowing his enemy's voice to lull him to sleep- but this was not so, for Irkens never slept. Instead Zim was slowing his metabolism, letting his body fall still so he could devote all his processing power to the incoming signal. Starting a little late tonight, Earth-stink... too much homework? Or were you waiting for little Gaz to fall asleep so you could speak undisturbed? Tell me your mind, human... tell me your secrets.

Never before had he been so easily able to access his enemy's deepest thoughts and desires. The Dib-human was giving away information- a tactical error in any war, even one as childish and petty as theirs- carelessly throwing away for free now what no force of Zim's had ever been able to coerce before. All Zim had to do was sit back, relax and harvest the data. It was an effortless victory, sweet beyond delicious.

Contented the Invader gave himself over to the voice of his enemy.


...Look up. There. That bright star there, the wobbly one, just left of Orion's belt? That's planet Mercury. Zim and I- you know, Zim, the alien in my skool I keep telling you about?- found out that Mars and Mercury were actually giant rocket-powered...uh, planets. Zim activated the Face on Mars and I used an old monkey-ship to go up to Mercury and chase him. Zim thought he was gonna be able to use Mars to destroy the Earth somehow. But I stopped him! I always stop him, no matter what stupid thing he tries to do.

Yes, you do! Annoying, arrogant human, eternal thorn in the side of ZIM! But you're starting to lose now. Lose more and more each day.

But... you know something? I still dream about it. Especially on the bad days. Sometimes, I don't even have to be asleep. The memories come back all on their own, so strong they hurt. Sure, the whole thing was crazy to start with, but those babies could sure CRUISE! We got out as far as Saturn- we came up right through the middle of the Cassini Division and tore a big hole in the particles of Ring A. I was SO scared. I couldn't even think, not even a little, I was just completely REACTING... and it was incredible!

It really opened my eyes. I can't stop thinking about what it was like up there. How beautiful it was. How my whole body felt so incredibly ALIVE. And it was FUN!

Fun. Mm. I suppose it was, in a sick and twisted sort of way.

The big secret, I guess, between me and you... fighting Zim isn't fun any more. We haven't fought with giant robots or superweapons or gone after each other in spaceships for WEEKS now. I feel like I've been nailed to the ground.

Horrible human, how DARE you?!

Zim's his antennae twitched, his mouth compressing to a thin angry line.

How dare you say that ZIM is not FUN any more.!

You fool, my resources are beginning to fail! Those things you want of me, these robots and lasers and things! They cost moneys and the Tallest have been REJECTING my requests for more! Do they not UNDERSTAND my very MISSION hangs in the balance? Because of YOU burning out all my resources so soon, I've had to IMPROVISE and of course battlefield improvisations are useless with these pathetic Earth materials! Brainless meat-pig children and stupid inferior technology. using filthy PSYCHOLOGY instead of lovely WEAPONS because now it's all I can AFFORD! The superweapons' the Plookeyzians gave me were nothing but a pile of incompatible JUNK!

I HATE it! Don't you think I too yearn for the simple pleasure of sitting behind the controls of a robot death machine, unleashing chaos and screaming terror on my enemies!?

What amazing battle machines have YOU built lately, stink-beast?! What are YOU bringing to the table except your big head and your constant slander! Which by the way is getting TIRESOME!

I'm trying my best to keep going, but lately... EVERYONE's turned on me. The Swollen Eyeball think I'm annoying. My dad thinks I'm insane. My sister hates me. The kids in my school think I'm stupid. EVERY time I get anything even remotely like proof of Zim's existence, it's all ripped away. EVERY TIME! I've been through 15 cameras, 5 computers... it's NOT FAIR!

Heh. Welcome to life, feeble Dib-thing. Do I complain about all the things of MINE that you've ruined? Besides, you've controlled that janitorial loser TAK's ship for more than a month now- is that not MORE than a sufficient 'alien artifact' to act as your precious 'proof' for your fellow stinkmeats? Fool. The means to destroy me are at your disposal, but -I- think you don't truly have the spooch to USE them. I do not LIKE feeling my life dangling on the mercy of a BLITHERING SMEET.

It's like the universe WANTS me to fail. I can't keep going like this. Something's gotta break soon. SOMETHING'S gotta give. I'm scared it's gonna be me.

Zim leaned forward sharply, hissing. So you're not even fighting me with all your feeble STRENGTH?! You're HOLDING OUT on me?!

That's why I'm up here on the roof now transmitting this radio signal every night. I HAVE to get it all out of my head, I HAVE to talk to SOMEONE. I feel safe talking to you guys. At least YOU don't think I'm crazy or laugh at me. I know it's not like everyone else's been up close and personal with the rings of Saturn or skimmed over the surface of the Sun- but even if I tried to tell someone about it, they wouldn't believe me. Or wouldn't even listen. Sometimes, I just wish that... there was someone, even just one person, who would understand...

I'm not listening to this a second longer! I can't BELIEVE you're HOLDING OUT on me! NO ONE holds out on INVADER ZIM!

Fueled by a sharp surge of anger, Zim snapped his fingers and a tube dropped down, sucking him up into its depths.


A/N: Some of you may remember this as Newton's Three/Dib, Occulted... I swear this is the last time I'm going to change titles. HONEST. :) Like No Pillows Redux, this is a full rewrite, in accordance with my better, newer Zim-fact holding brain.