Title: Love and Whiskey Rated: PG-13 Summary: Illyria goes to Spike for some of the answers she can't get from Wesley. Takes place S5 of Angel sometime before the finale and after Time Bomb.

I smell the bird long before she ever gets here. She's got a distinct smell, a bit like Fred and a bit of a demon. She doesn't poke her head 'round the door frame like Fred would have done. She walks right in like she owns the place, s'pose she thinks she does being once a god and all.

"I have questions. You will assist me" Blue says.

I quirk an eyebrow at her and kick my feet up on the desk, belongs to some lawyer Peaches terminated a few weeks ago, and by terminated I mean chopped off his soddin head. Seemed a shame to let the nice big office space go to waste, so I didn't.

"Now see, here's the deal, Luv, I'm not much on taking orders" I say.

Illyria cocks her head at me, reminds me of this poodle Dru kept for a few weeks before she ate her.

"I have questions about this world and the humans in it" Blue says.

"Then go ask Percy, thought he was your personal answer boy" I say.

"Do you mean Wesley?" Illyria asks.

"Yeah, no one else here following you 'round like a lost puppy dog" I say.

"I grow tired of your insolence Half Breed. The questions I have concern Wesley and these human emotions I have fostered for him" she says.

I chuckle dryly. "So you're in love are you, Big Blue?"

She tilts her head to the side again and looks me over. "I believe that is the correct emotion."

"Well I've been there a time or two, don't know that you want to go garnering love advice from me though. Mine tend to turn out a bit badly" I confess.

"Do you mean to tell me that you have walked among these humans for more then one hundred and twenty five years and you have learned nothing of this emotion that seems to drive them all so?" Illyria says.

"Didn't say that, Blue but if you expect me to start confessing and telling all I know 'bout love, it's going to involve some whiskey" I say.

"I do not like that vile poison. Wesley drinks it. It makes him smell and he says odd things" she says.

"Sorry, Bird that's the only way I'm revistin that particular circle of Hell" I say with a shrug.

"Then I will permit you to drink your vile liquid while you share your knowledge of this emotion" Illyria says.

I chuckle and swing my boots off the desk. I grab my duster from where it's tossed across a chair and shrug it on. "Come on then, Pet. Don't have all day now do we."

Normally I'd take her to one of my places. You know the kind, they reek of cheap alcohol and bodies. The bartender gets you what you want and then goes away, doesn't keep checkin back to make sure you're alright. If you were alright it's not bloody likely you'd be in a place like that, now is it. The bright California sun outside dictates that we go to the bar on the top floor of the Evil Lawyers. I've always thought it's highly like I'm a masochist, vampire living in sunny California, be better off if I went somewhere like Seattle.

I get a bottle of Johnny Red and a couple of glasses from the bartender and lead Big Blue over to a corner booth. We both slide in and I pour the drinks.

"I do not wish to partake of your whiskey" she says.

"Didn't ask if you wished, Luv. I'm gonna talk and your gonna drink" I say.

Mostly I just feel bloody awkward giving an ex-god love advice but if I'm gonna share my pain she's gonna feel some too. I'd wager that she's never experienced a hangover and that's just going to bleedin funny to see. Let's call it payback for all the tossin me 'round she's done.

"First girl I ever fell in love with turned out to be a bloody train wreck that ended with my second lady love turning me into a vampire. Dru, Dru was a sight to behold, bloody stunning to begin with and mad as a hatter. I loved her with ever bloody thing in me. I killed for the girl, I didn't kill for the girl. I stole things. I made a bloody fool out of myself over her, woulda done anything for the bird. Dru and me were a deadly thing for the better part of my unlife. Then 'bout five years ago I fell in love with the bleedin slayer" I say and pour myself another drink. I pour Blue another drink too.

Illyria picks up the glass, cocks her head and looks into it and then gives a little, sharp shrug. She turns the glass up and downs the contents. I grin.

"That's my girl" I say pouring her another.

"I do not understand how you can have this emotion for a slayer. Is she not bound to kill your kind?" Illyria says.

"Normally, yeah" I say.

"And yet she did not kill you" Illyria says.

"She tried a couple of times but the Slayer, whether she'll admit it or not has a soft spot for me, may not love me like she loves the Big Poufter but she's got a soft spot" I say. Yeah, gonna need more of that Johnny Red if we're gonna go down that memory lane.

"So you have a thing for Percy, not like he's ever gonna let you get close to him in that guise. Why not just do your shape shift thing and let the wanker have what he wants?" I ask.

The bird actually pauses a moment and thinks about it with that odd little head tilt of hers. "I have been unfair to Wesley. He loves this shell and to see it over taken has broken him. I did not intend to do such. I merely jumped into this shell because it was the one available. It is odd. The shell's emotions have corrupted me. I find myself desiring Wesley to have this same sort of love for me as he does for the shell."

I chuckle. It's a sad, sad world when a girl can break a boy just because she can, but it's sure as hell not uncommon. Slayer did the same thing to me.

"So you want Percy to love you for you. Don't we all" I smirk and drain my glass again. I fill both glasses and watch Big Blue toss hers back. Girl's got the hang of it, have to give her that. It's got to start catching up with her sometime though. I pour her another glass.

"You desire for Wesley to love you also?" Illyria says.

I nearly spit my whiskey in her face sputtering. "Oh bloody hell no! Bugger that, meant that we all want the person we love to love us back just the way we are. Rarely seems to work that way though, less you're Peaches, then the Slayer just falls at your feet even when you go evil and start killing all her friends" I grumble.

"I do not understand this emotion. It has no logic, no reason. You must explain it to me" she says.

I chuckle again. "Reason you don't understand it is because love isn't brains, its blood, blood screamin inside you to work it's will."

Blue Meany cocks her head at me and squints her eyes a bit. Think maybe she's feelin the Johnny Red.

"I still do not understand. My blood is merely liquid transferred through my body in order to keep it functioning. It can not scream and it does not have a will" she says.

I shrug and slug back the whiskey glass. "Speech worked once, thought I'd try it again." I pour drinks again and watch as Big Blue tosses hers back like she's been doing it the better part of a century.

"This is the whiskey that Wesley drinks?" Blue asks.

I shrug. "I'm sure Percy drinks a much more expensive older brand but there's not much difference if you ask me."

"I wish to have more of it. It makes me feel very disconnected and yet quite jubilant at the same time" Blue says.

Lady wants more whiskey, who am I to deny her.

A bottle and a half later, Blue is half lying across the table. She glances up at me. "Perhaps if I had had some of this liquid when I was a god, I would still rule this world" she says.

I smirk. "Why's that Luv?"

"Because I could make the world spin much faster. I am quite sure it would keep my enemies distracted with the world spinning so quickly" she says.

I chuckle and stand up. "Come on, Luv. Best get you back to Percy's penthouse and let him take care of you."

"I do not require taking care of. I am god" Blue says and pulls away.

She walks right into a wall. I smirk and wrap my arm 'round her waist.

"That may be, Luv, but you're a pissed god right now" I say.

I smirk as I hear the bartender mutter "You get them a little drunk and they all think they're fucking gods."

Blue leans against me in the elevator. "How do I make Wesley love me for what I am?" She asks.
I almost feel sorry for the bird. I've been where she's at, hell sometimes I'm still where she's at and it hurts and it keeps hurting.

"That's the thing 'bout love, Blue. You can't make someone love you, no matter how hard you try" I say.

And I learned that the hard way.

Written for the ninth lyric wheel for seraC. Inspired by this song:

Criminal by Fiona Apple I've been a bad bad girl,

I've been careless with a delicate man.

And it's a sad sad world,

When a girl can break a boy

just because she can.

Don't you tell me to deny it,

I've done wrong and I want to

Suffer for my sins.

I've come to you 'cause I need

Guidance to be true

And I just don't know where I can begin.

What I need is a good defense

'Cause I'm feelin' like a criminal.

And I need to be redeemed

To the one I sinned against

because he was all I ever knew of love.

Heaven help me for the way I am.

Save me from these evil deeds.

Before I get them done.

I know tomorrow brings the consequence

at hand.

But I keep livin' this day like

the next will never come.

Oh, help me, but don't tell me

to deny it.

I've got to cleanse myself.

of all these lies till I'm good

enough for him.

I've got a lot to lose and I'm

bettin' high

So I'm beggin' you before it ends

Just tell me where to begin.

What I need is a good defense

'Cause I'm feelin' like a criminal.

And I need to be redeemed

To the one I sinned against

because he was all I ever knew of love.

Let me know the way

Before there's hell to pay.

Give me room to lay the law and let me go.

I've got to make a play

to make my lover stay

So, what would an angel say?

'Cause the devil wants to know.

What I need is a good defense

'Cause I'm feelin' like a criminal.

And I need to be redeemed

To the one I sinned against

because he was all I ever knew of love.

What I need is a good defense

'Cause I'm feelin' like a criminal.

And I need to be redeemed

To the one I sinned against

because he was all I ever knew of love.