Should Have Been V.2
I don't own Remus or Sirius. Life sucks, lets move on
Warnings: Slash, angst, sap, MPREG, and AU.
Pairings: SB/RL and a little SS/RL.
Summery: When Sirius was taken away, Remus was left with a life altering secret and a choice he fears to make. When Sirius comes to stay for the summer he confronts the son, and family, he could have had.
The Werewolf, the Dog, and the Kid
------------------------------------------------June 11th 1995, Wolves' Den
Sirius Black trotted along the cobblestone pathway, panting lightly. He'd been going like this for the better part of the day, but he was eager to get where he was going.
Though, to be honest, he was a little agitated at the moment. But who could really blame him, he'd been forced to leave his godson, one of the few people he could honestly say he cared about, in the care of Muggles he knew weren't worth half the trouble they caused Harry, after the resurrection of Voldemort and the death of a Hogwarts student.
He knew Dumbledore had his reason, he knew they were probably good reasons, but Sirius didn't like them. He'd done as ordered though, had searched out all of the members of the old gang and, after being threatened with death a few times, told them everything from how he had failed Lily and James to Peter's betrayal to Voldemort using Harry to gain a new body.
And he still couldn't go to Harry and keep him safe; he had one more place to go before he would go to his old home. He hated it, not knowing how and where Harry was. What kind of godfather was he if he couldn't keep Harry safe at all?
But…there was a small upside. He was going to see the other person he cared about, his…well he was hoping for friend at the moment. He knew it was going to take a very long time before they got where they had once been, but he was willing to wait as long as it took. He wanted Remus like he wanted to kill Peter and shield Harry from his destiny.
And since he wasn't going to be doing those last two for a while he might as well concentrate on Remus and fixing everything he'd messed up over the years. It was partly his suspicion of Remus that had caused him to go to Peter to take over the position of secret keeper. It seemed so stupid and trivial now.
He'd suspected his own lover and best friend of being a traitor, a Death Eater, and had gotten Lily and James killed, Harry orphaned, and himself locked away and nearly driven insane because of it. He couldn't even remember why he'd been suspicious of Remus to begin with, just knew he had made the biggest mistakes of all time because of it.
He wondered if Remus knew. Had he wondered over the past year why he'd chosen Peter and not him? He hoped not, he wasn't sure he could even start to explain it to Remus and not want to crawl under the nearest rock…
He couldn't even explain it to himself without guilt gnawing away at him.
He stopped at the front door of the house. It looked the same, everything did really. The grass was a little overgrown and the bushes were choked with vines that also crept up the sides of the house and blocked the light out of the windows. And at the very top was the room they'd been in the process of re-doing for when Harry came over.
It was kind of funny how they, him, Remus, James, Lily, and even that bastard Peter, had doted over Harry. If things had gone differently they would have spoiled that child rotten and never thought another thing of it. He remembered how when they'd tried to paint the room, a pale blue if he remembered it right, they'd ended up with pain all over each other and the windows and the floor, but only a few strokes on the walls.
He missed things like that.
He wanted to get them back.
He was about to change back to his human form when the memory of the last time he'd been here crept up on him.
November 1st 1981, Eden's Court. Around 1 AM
Remus opened the door, eyes half open and stared at his boyfriend of over five years and sighed. "Why didn't you just use your key Siri?"
"Lost it." Sirius stared at him and realized that Remus didn't know yet. Figures, if Remus didn't hear it from him or James he was totally in the dark about everything going on around him. Things like the paper and the radio just seemed to go over Remus' head.
And he wasn't going to be hearing anything else from James ever.
And it was his fault. He'd trusted that rat, trusted him with something more important then his own life, and he'd betrayed them. He clenched his fist, wishing he could just hit something. Then he noticed Remus was a little more awake and staring at him oddly.
"Remmie I…" Golden brown eyes blinked imploringly. He closed his eyes for a moment then leapt forward, pushing Remus back against a wall and claiming his lips in a brutal kiss. Remus yelped then went still against him, letting his eyes drift shut while Sirius devoured him mouth.
He had no idea what had brought this on, but he wasn't the type to argue when Sirius was acting like this. …He was twenty-three; he couldn't help but be horny most of the time.
Though…this was what had gotten him into the mess he was currently in to begin with wasn't it? Damn Sirius and his…
He moaned when his lover's lips found his neck and nipped and suck fiercely, possibly drawing blood. For a moment his mind went blank.
Yeah, damn that.
"Sirius, wait, I-"
"Later." Sirius murmured, pulling him away from the wall and over to the couch. He was pressed down and then Sirius' weight settled on top of him. He caught a glimpse of wild black eyes in the darkness and was taken aback by the pure need and desperation he found there. He blinked then settled back into the couch, telling his common sense to shut up.
Whatever was going on Sirius would tell him about it later, he was sure of it. No secrets between them, except for the obvious ones. He could give in for a while and act responsible later one. (Oddly enough, this was hardly the first time he'd thought such a thing, and it was sure not to be the last. Sirius just had that effect on him.)
So he did. Things went by with amazing speed, kisses and teeth, hot breath and skin everywhere, and that ache. The incredible carnal ache he loved so much, because it was Sirius that caused it.
It was over as quickly as it had begun and Remus was yawning, desperately fighting off sleep. Sirius was hovering over him, watching him with a small half-smile that spoke of sadness and bitterness. Remus tried to rouse himself, slightly disturbed by the seriousness in the other man's gaze, but Sirius nuzzled his neck and spoke quietly.
"Go ahead to sleep. I'll tell you later." Remus nodded and curled up against him, falling asleep quickly. Sirius watched him for a while; just taking in the calm handsome face of his lover then slipped onto the floor and started to collect his clothing.
He would take care of Peter and then he would explain everything to Remus. He…he had just wanted to be with him one last time before Remus hated him as much as he already hated himself.
The door opened, startling Sirius a little bit. He looked up, expecting to see Remus, but was surprised. A boy, who looked to be about Harry's age, was standing there, staring back at him. His hair was dark, but his eyes light. He also looked a little like Remus, the bone structure and that confused look that Remus had perfected years ago.
He blinked and looked around. Clearly he hadn't expected to find a dog outside.
But Remus didn't have any children…did he? Dumbledore wouldn't have sent him if he knew Remus was married with children, not even Dumbledore was that strange. Maybe he was just a relative, Remus did have a brother and a sister, or Remus had sold the house. Maybe…
"Dad!" The boy shouted over his shoulder then gave Sirius another strange look. "There's a dog at the door."
Footsteps and a painfully familiar scent came towards the door. His once lover and friend appeared behind the boy, shoulder length hair held in a messy ponytail and a worried expression on his face. He stared at Sirius for a full minute then cursed quietly. The boy raised an eyebrow.
"Go put some water for tea on." Came the very soft reply. "Then get your broom and go out."
"So…I'm not grounded anymore?" The boy seemed surprised, to say the least of the matter. Remus smiled fondly and rolled his eyes.
"No, you aren't."
"Thanks Da." The boy said before running into the house.
"You might as well change back, he's allergic to dog fur. Don't even get me started on the irony of that, please." He turned and started inside, glancing over his shoulder once before vanishing into the kitchen. Sirius hesitated a moment then regained his form and walked after him, preparing himself to have his heart tramped on and witness how happy his friend was with his family.
Remus had probably picked a good wholesome girl, pretty and sweet, who'd never been in serious trouble a day of her life. He'd found someone good and…perfect. Someone who deserved Remus. Someone who wasn't him, who'd been nothing but trouble since the day he was born.
In fact most people said it was only a matter of time before he got arrested. The people he'd considered friends, not a one had bothered to show up at his sham of a trail. Too ashamed of him most likely.
Remus hadn't been there, but he didn't blame him. He couldn't have blamed Remus even if he wanted to.
Remus was in the kitchen, alone, and taking down mugs, that same frown on his lips. He looked at Sirius for a few moments then sat at the kitchen table, motioning to the seat across from him.
"Did Dumbledore tell you I was coming?"
Remus nodded slowly. "I just…wasn't sure when to expect you. And I've been busy with…uh…him. He's a bit of a handful when he wants to be. Expelled from Brookridge Academy, which I don't mind so much since there was nothing but snotty, self-important brats there anyway, but I still feel like I shouldn't let him know I don't care. I think that'd be bad parenting."
He glanced out of the window, biting his lower lip, and Sirius followed his gaze to see the boy was standing out there with a broomstick in hand. His hair was long and held back in a tight braid that came to about mid-back. It was inky black and the parts where it was coming out of the braid were curled slightly. He was tall, or would be when he was finished growing. Right now he had the thin lanky look that reminded Sirius of Ronald Weasley.
"I wasn't sure how to…explain how I had just…gotten a son. And there hadn't really been a good time to tell you anything, you know? With you on the run and me only seeing you for a moment."
Remus looked a little flustered and guilty. Sirius frowned. Why should Remus feel guilty, he was the one that had messed things up after all. He hadn't expected Remus to wait around for him for twelve years. Sure, he'd wanted him to, but he hadn't expected him to.
For all Remus had known, he'd been guilty and was going to be in prison his entire life. Hell, as far as Sirius had known, he'd be in Azkaban the rest of his life."What's so hard to explain? You got married and had a son." Sirius shrugged, trying to mask his hurt. And it did hurt.
"I'm not married." Remus said, folding his hands on the table. "Nor am I living with anyone, except for him. He doesn't even know who…I mean…it doesn't come up. I always thought it would, eventually, but it hasn't."
Sirius had to smile. Remus always had a tendency to babble when he was nervous. Apparently age hadn't done anything to ease that."How old is he?"
He had to assume Remus had a good reason for not telling his son who his mother was. Remus was always practical that way; everything he did had a logical reason behind it."He'll be fourteen in March."
Sirius blinked, trying to do some mental math. (Math had, sadly, never been his greatest area in school) The boy was thirteen now…he was born in 82. So…he was conceived around July of 81. Which is when he'd been with Remus.
"Whose his mother?" He fought to keep his tone neutral, though suddenly he wished he hadn't come here at all. Maybe he hadn't thought he'd be welcomed with open arms, but he'd entertained the prospect.
"In the general sense of the word he doesn't have one, but technically I guess I am." Remus ran his fingers through his hair then sighed. "I might as well be honest. I just never thought I was going to have to do this. I knew I'd have to tell him eventually, but I never thought I'd have to tell you."
"What're you talking about?"
"I named him after you. Snape thought I was high on painkillers at the time, but I really did name him after you. Don't know why, I was furious with you at the time, because you had left me like that and weren't even there to help me name him."
"You named your son after me?" Sirius asked, confused. "And why were you high on painkillers?"
"Because childbirth is a bitch." Remus deadpanned. Sirius blinked. "Come on, I know your intelligence is a debatable subject, but you should be able to figure this one out."
"Wait, my intelligence-"
"He's your son. With me." Remus said slowly, lips quirking. He'd always had the oddest sense of humor.
Sirius just stared at him. Remus looked at his hands, obviously waiting for his former lover to say something. Sirius mouth opened but no sound was forthcoming so he shut it again and shook his head a little in disbelief.
Then, finally, he spoke.
"Are you sure?"
"Sirius!" Remus looked offended and Sirius winced. "I can't believe you'd even ask me that. I may not have been perfect, but you can't think I'd cheat on you."
Well, something had changed. He had never known Remus to raise his voice before.
"Sorry, Remmie, I'm sorry." He held up his hands in a soothing gesture. "I shouldn't have…that wasn't what I meant to say. I'm just a little surprised is all."
"Well imagine how surprised I was." The brunette muttered, crossing his arms over his chest. He did look less upset though, so Sirius put down his hands and shifted in his seat anxiously.
A son. …He was still having a problem wrapping his mind around that concept.
"When did you…find out?"Remus looked at him and shrugged. "I found out a week before Halloween. Lily knew, she went to the doctor with me, and I assume James knew, but I was going to tell you, so we could decide what to do. …It didn't work out that way though."
"No, I imagine it didn't." Sirius sighed and shook his head. He wondered if that was what Remus had meant to tell him that night.
"And I never thought to have someone tell you. Wouldn't have done much good, except make things worse for you."
"I might have broken out sooner if I had known." Sirius said more to himself then Remus.
Remus flashed him a small smile "I don't doubt it."
Remus nodded. "The novelty wears off once they hit puberty and go into that teenage rebellion phase. But it has proven to be pretty…decent, when I don't want to kill him. Sadly he seems to have inherited your ability to incite even the most passive of people to violence just by being himself."
"You say that likes it's a bad thing."
"Well, since he inherited my anti-social tendencies, it is. He's hurting in the friends category. Except for this one kid, who I really don't like…" Remus trailed off and shrugged again.
"…What should I do? What should I say to him?"
"I find a conversation is best started with 'hello'." Remus said, arching an eyebrow.
"No, not that…I mean…God. How do you tell a kid you're his father? …Does he know?"
"He knows he has a father, not a mother, if that's what you mean." Remus said, sitting back in his seat. "But if you mean does he know it's you, then no, he doesn't. Maybe he should hear it from you."
"…You want me to tell him?"Yes, I want you to tell him. Siri's a good kid; he shouldn't be too upset that his father's a convicted murderer. Knowing him, he might even like it. Better then being a teacher anyway." He brushed a loose strand of graying hair from his eyes. "I…I don't know what to do either. But you're here now, he should know you shouldn't he?"
"I…Remmie, I don't know the first thing about him."
"His birthday is March 10th; he was a few weeks early. He loves Quidditch, has broken his arm and ankle once apiece. He was grounded until ten minutes ago for punching out some kid and getting expelled from Brookridge a few weeks ago. They'll let him return next year, as long as he promises to not let it happen again. He likes to paint and he's good at it, its part of the reason he's in a school like Brookridge. I don't know where the talent came from though."
Remus frowned, clearly thinking. "He's not easily excited or surprised and he's pretty mellow most of the time, except around the moon, which is when he gets very hyper."
Sirius swallowed. "Is he…?"
"A werewolf? Not exactly." The man offered a slightly lopsided smile. "He's half-wolf. From what I've been able to gather, and trust me when I say there isn't a lot of information of male werewolves who give birth, it's sort of like being born an Animagi from what I've been able to gather. Its really very fascinating…"
"Does he know you talk about him like a school project?" Remus just blinked at him and Sirius sighed, shaking his head. "I…don't know Remus, he might hate me. I'm not nearly as charming as I used to be."
"He might." Remus agreed. "And you were never half as charming as you thought you were, believe me."
Sirius ignored that and frowned. "He might? What kind of encouragement is that?"
"The truth." Remus said primly. "Either way, this is a start."
"Back to the family you could have had." Remus said softly. Sirius knew that the sudden…joy he felt at those words showed on his face, because Remus smiled slightly. "I'm not promising anything Sirius but…well, I know its not going to be like it was before. Can't be, but I think I want to try anyway. And if nothing else we have a son, so it's worth a shot."
Sirius nodded, understanding. He hadn't expected anything easy. "I still love you Remus."
Remus ran his fingers through his hair then smiled. "I know."
Sirius stood up then headed for the door that lead out of the kitchen into the back field, feeling a good deal more confident. "And I don't think there's any water in the kettle."
Remus glanced towards the stove, where the kettle was indeed sitting on the fire, and rolled his eyes. "It wouldn't be the first time. He's easily distracted sometimes. I'll talk to him about it later."
"I'll do it." Sirius called over his shoulder. He couldn't miss the sound of Remus snorting, as if he found that amusing.