ATTENTION: These two stories are two one-shots that have to do with two different sides to the ending of the episode, 'Terra'. If you're reading this first one and it looks familiar don't be alarmed. 'Rocks in My Head' has now been deleted and this has taken its place. The couplet as a whole has a different title but the two pieces still have their original titles inside the documents. If you're confused it's okay because I am too. That is all.
Rocks in My Head
Disclaimer: Don't own the characters.
I really am stupid sometimes. Correction, I'm stupid all the time. I'm just such a screw-up. I try so hard but it all just blows up right in my face. Everything's fine and then, wham, life drops a big boulder on me and crushes everything.
They probably think I'm a total spazz. They probably don't like me anymore. I don't really know why they would in the first place. Who was I trying to kid? Me become a Teen Titan? Yeah, right. That's way too good for me. I mean I almost got Beast Boy killed and it's all no big deal to them. Well, it's a big deal to me. It shouldn't be, really; stuff like this happens all the time around me. I'm a walking disaster. Slade was right. Everywhere I go all I do is hurt people. I don't deserve to have friends.
Why did they have to be so nice to me? No one's ever nice to me. Oh sure, at first they are but after they see what I can really do I get ran out of town. But the Titans didn't care about all that. Beast Boy almost got seriously hurt because of me but they still wanted me on the team. That makes absolutely no sense. I guess that's why I ran away. I mean it wasn't that I thought Beast Boy told everybody. Any idiot can probably see I have no clue what I'm doing when it comes to this superhero stuff. Robin would've figured it out eventually. I just needed some kind of excuse. I needed a reason to say no.
I hate my life. I try to play it off like everything's cool. Yeah, I'm just a wandering, carefree soul who goes where life takes me. It's all total shit. I used to think what I wanted more than anything in the world was a home and friends. It doesn't make any sense that I would run away from probably the best chance at having that. I'm too scared to take that chance though. Everybody thinks it's so cool to be on your own. You've got no rules, no responsibilities, no one to answer to but yourself. How could life be any better, right? Wrong. Being alone means no friends, no family, and no home. It sucks, plain and simple.
I bet he thinks I'm a real bitch right now. He was so nice to me too. I really did like him. Why'd I have to go and blow up at Beast Boy like that? I could've just told them I didn't feel ready or made up something else. No, I have to be Tara the little melodrama queen and make a big, nasty scene about it. The whole control thing is such an issue with me too. That's why I made him promise in the first place. It's caused me a lot of pain and I just don't want to talk about it or make it such a big deal. That still doesn't give me much of a right to yell at him like I did though.
I turn back to look at the city. The tower rises above everything else. It would've been a nice place to call home but I can't go back there. I turn away and spot a familiar friend. It's back to my cave again, the only home I feel like I really have. It's actually a decent place, really. It could maybe use a new color scheme. Earth tones get a little boring after awhile.
I'm really only fooling myself. If I had any common sense left in me I'd run back to that tower and never leave it ever. I'd tell Beast Boy I acted like a total idiot and beg him to forgive me. I'd tell them all I'd be glad to join the team and how much of an honor it would be to be a Teen Titan. I'd be the best teammate they ever had and get total control over my powers. Everything would all work out perfectly.
I feel myself start to cry. Nothing is perfect and nothing ever will be. No matter how hard I try I'll never be good enough to deserve them. I could learn everything about my powers but I still wouldn't be good enough. This is what my life is supposed to be like. I'm supposed to be alone. It's what I deserve for being so stupid. I'm not supposed to have friends. They'll just end up getting hurt like everyone else.
I crawl into the darkest part of the cave and lay down, curling myself into a little ball. I can feel the tears running down my cheeks. I've cried myself to sleep a lot of times in the past. This time crying doesn't seem to help ease the pain though. This time I feel even lousier. Nobody ruined my shot at happiness this time but me.
I feel the stone under me soften into clay. It's not a pillow but I'm used to making due with what's available. A blanket of loose dirt covers me. Not too many people would find this comfortable. Not too many people have lived my life or been put in my position. I sniffle a little bit. My hand moves up to my hair. I lost my hair clip. I feel rotten about that too. I've had that since Mom gave it to me when I was little. It reminds me of my parents. I close my eyes and try to get some sleep. I wonder if he has it now. Did Beast Boy find it? I hope maybe he did. I hope that he'll keep it and every time he looks at it he'll think about me. The thought of him actually wanting to remember me makes me sadder. As I drift to sleep I can only ask myself one question. Why is it that God decided to give me a head full of rocks instead of a brain?