A/N: It's been so long since I've written anything, but I have absolutely nothing to do, except read or write, and I feel like writing.

Warning: I love Draco Malfoy.

The Summary of the Story of Harry Potter

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there was a boy. When I say a land far, far away, I mean England. When I say boy, I mean Potter... Harry Potter.

Harry Potter went to a school in this land of England. This school was called Warts... HogWarts. But us Intelligents like to spell it as "Hogwarts". Let's move on, shall we?

So in this school (the one called Hogwarts that stupid people spell HogWarts), Harry had friends. That's right, you selfish little mofos, Harry had FRIENDS. But I don't talk about that. I didn't get rid of that banshee by smiling at her. After all, my orthodontic appliances weren't out yet.

But I don't talk about that.

Ronald Weasley. Hermione Granger. Two, innocent little wizards. (Well, Hermione's a witch). Let me rephrase that. Two, innocent little witchards. (Yes, clever, I know.) Ron and Hermione were friends of Harry's. They stuck with him through thick and thin, high and low, wherever you may go. You hoe.

Anyway, Harry Potter also had an enemy. That's right, you selfish little mofos, Harry had an ENEMY. This enemy was loathsome, evil, foul, and was once called a cockroach.

But I don't talk about that.

Draco Malfoy. Arch-nemesis of Harry Potter. Blonde, tall, and incredibly fine. (But of course, I don't talk about that.) His dad's a DEATHEATER. HATE HIM. NOW. Or else you might have to be thrown into the dungeons of doom. While I go and flirt with Draco.

Moving on, let's talk about Harry's teachers, shall we?

Professor Dumbledore. Old, wise, and can always be trusted. Kind of like my grandfather. Wait, he's not wise. Which is why you can never trust him. Go Dumbledore.

Professor Flitwick. Teacher of Charms. Short.

Professor Snape. Oily and greasy. Which pretty much mean the same thing. But those two powerful words sure don't make you want to kiss him. Raise your hand if you disagree.

That's what I thought.

Let's talk about each of the four houses in this lovely school, shall we?

Gryffindor. House of brave people. Except that obnoxious little Longbottom boy. Like, I know he went to stop Harry, Ron, and Hermione from sneaking out late at night, but that doesn't exactly mean he's full of courage, does it? I mean, I could have squashed a fly and handed it to a toad and gotten 10 lousy points. Bravery for getting near the ugly toad. Not to mention the fly. In conclusion: Gryffindor is for brave people. Except that obnoxious little Longbottom boy.

Ravenclaw. House of wise people. Intelligents. Know-it-alls. Except Hermione, who was put in Gryffindor, just because it would mean she would eventually become friends with the famous Harry Potter and trusty sidekick Ronald Weasley, and save them from that evil troll in the girl's bathroom. Which, by the way, is dead. For all you little kids out there who need information on how to kill a troll, stick a magic wand up its nose. Wait, that's not how it died. In conclusion: Ravenclaw is for wise people. If you do not know the definitoin of wise, please consult a dictionary or thesaurus.

Hufflepuff. House of hardworking badgers. This house's colours are yellow and black. I mean, what are they, bumblebees? No! They are badgers! Hardworking ones at that. Give them more credit than those lame so-called colours. Thanks. Anyhow, Hufflepuff. The name says it all. You huff(le), and you puff. Hard work, that is, huffing and puffing, takes all the air out of your tiny little lungs. You should really work out some more, you don't want to die before the age of 100, now do you? I mean, at least walk to school or work, you don't need that damn automobile getting you around while you just sit in a chair, turning some wheel to direct the car. In conclusion: Hufflepuff is for hardworking badgers. Unless you're a gorilla. (Damn, you must be ugly.)

Slytherin. House of evilness. I quote Ronald Weasley: "There wasn't a single witch or wizard who wasn't evil that didn't have frosted flakes for breakfast." Wait, that wasn't Ron. That was Voldemort on the Frosted Flakes commercial. Impersonating as Tony the Tiger, too. My apologies. But please note that I do not hold any responsibility for this... this... catastrophe. Anyhow, Slytherin. House of evilness. Draco Malfoy belongs in this house. Yes, he does. No he doesn't. Yes. He does. That Slytherin sex god sure belongs in Slytherin. Wait, he's not a sex god. He's a virgin. He told me last night, after we... wait. Never mind. In conclusion: Slytherin. House of evilness. I'd so go there, girlfriend.

Oh right, Harry Potter had another enemy, I almost forgot. His name's Voldemort. I hear you gasping. VOLDEMORT. This kid's pretty key to the story, too. No biggie though, he just tried to kill our main character five times. And killed lots of other people before that. And before that. And before that. Repeat seventeen times. (And before that.) Anyway, this dude's real name is Riddle... Tom Riddle... Tom Marvolo Riddle. I am Lord Voldemort. Scared you there. Actually, I just unscrambled the letters. All by myself. That's how I even found that out. No, I didn't read the second book where it tells us that near the end. I just... found out. Capish? P.S. He's evil.

And there you have it, ladies and gents. The story of Harry Potter. If ever your children want to know the story of Harry Potter, tell them to read this. It's informative.

A/N: Please review! Thanks. koolgal