Disclaimer:  I own none of the characters from Phantom of the Opera.  I make no profit from this.

Author's Note:  I realize the whole "Christine goes back to Erik" has been done.  But it's my turn, and I promise I write differently… hopefully.  I will show a side of Raoul that has not been seen, but I won't let harm come to the fop.  One cannot help their foppishness.  If anyone feels something should be corrected, please contact me.  Enjoy and please review!

Chapter One – Fickle Never Ending

          I don't know what made me realize I missed him terribly.  It was as if I could feel his heart breaking from my absence in his life.  Would Raoul's heart brake?  I sighed.  When had I become such a person?  Who gave me the authority to hurt someone?  I didn't want anyone harmed, physically or mentally.

          I began to wonder if I had just left with Raoul for his safety.  He'd been my friend since childhood, and I couldn't bear to see him in pain.  The Punjab Lasso around his neck definitely caused pain.

          But now, I longed to see my dark angel, to hear his voice in reality, instead of just lingering and haunting me in my dreams.  Many nights of restlessness told me I need him, I couldn't live without him.  And now I pondered if I… I loved him.

          Of course!  From the moment my Angel of Music sang to me I had loved him.  Loved an angel, feeling guilty that I thought about one of God's angels kissing me tenderly, as Meg had told me of about her romance novels.

          And then I'd found him to be a man.  A twisted genius, but still the angel I had held so dear to my heart.  Why then, was it so different?

          The only reason he began to live up to his monster image, and embrace the anger that'd been put away when I came into his life, was because he knew Raoul would eventually steal me away.

          I think it scared him.  I think he loved me so much that he needed me to survive… so was he surviving now?

          Now I frown as I write this.  Raoul was not as passionate as Erik.  Raoul could never love me as Erik loved me.  I think Erik's love is a deeper, stronger love.

          Raoul is adorable, yes.  And I'll love him forever… But did my father really have in mind for me to marry a rich man who cared nothing for my what I did?  Music is my life… Erik practically is music.

          So many pros and cons to each man, to each decision.  Raoul was so handsome… And Erik, so gifted and talented.  Both loved me… Though I have already made up my mind that Erik's love is deeper…

          When will I grow up from this state of childish fickleness?  It's over.  I left with Raoul.

          And yet I am still at L'Opera Garnier, singing for my angel in the hopes that he will hear me.

          If there is a chance he is still underground, I want to see him.  I want to take risks and I want to make more mature decisions, for I made my transformation from a girl to a woman long ago, when my father died and I had to strive to survive on my own.

          And yet, I know, that I am still a child, upholding my engagement to Raoul until I was quite sure I could be with Erik.

          Raoul is coming to my room this moment.  I will write later.

          "Christine?  Are you ready to be dropped off at the opera?"  His voice reached through the door and Christine quickly opened the drawer to the desk in her room, and set her diary inside.

          What the day would hold, she could not know.  But she was determined to make it the happiest day of Erik's life.