Story contains SLASH (SB/RL) and a dose of JP/LP. Mentions of depression and character considering suicide.
Due to the physics Quantum Theory that everything can exist in multiple states at the same time I must conclude that the Harry Potter characters all belong to me. Hmm, or am I just being optimistic?
The Order, mainly Harry, has defeated Voldemort. The cost of the war was great. Sirius is dead, Remus is still in mourning and has nowhere to call home. What if the Greater Powers decreed that those that made great sacrifices should be rewarded?
So, finally this was the end of the War. Voldemort has fallen and we have prevailed.
Did I sound bitter? I don't mean to, but it is hard. I am truly happy that Harry has survived.
I am so tired.
I have done what Sirius and James would have wanted. I kept going. I helped Harry and I didn't give up.
God, I miss them. James, Lily and Sirius, now I look back they are the only true friends I have ever had.
Note that I have struck Peter off of that list.
Yes, I know Harry and the other members of the Order are my friends, but it isn't the same. Do you understand? Perhaps you do. I don't know.
Does it help if I tell you that Sirius was my Mate, and that Werewolves mate for life?
Sorry, did I not say I was a werewolf? I am so tired it slips my mind sometimes.
Yes, Sirius was my Mate and James and Lily my extended pack. James because he joined me as Prongs and Lily by default as she, to Moony's understanding of things, was Prong's Mate.
I have no pack now. I have the wolfsbane, which helps keep me sane, but cannot fight the loneliness.
Now I feel exceedingly useless. During the War I could convince myself that I was helping. Making a difference. Now, well, now I am not sure.
Harry has left the Dursleys, with Voldemort dead he no longer needs to stay in a house with someone with his mother's blood. Lily's blood.
God, I think I am going to cry again.
I would give him a home in an instant, if I had one to give. I have been staying at Order Headquarters since, well, it seems like forever. I do not think Harry will want to move in here. Hell, I don't want to be here.
I suspect the Weasleys will take him in. I hope so. He deserves to have a proper home. I shudder to think of everything he has gone through.
He says that having me around helps, that it is nice to have a connection to his parents, and to Sirius I suppose. I smile at his thanks and tell him he is welcome.
I really just want to curl up in a corner and cry. I am not normally one to wallow in self-pity, but you have caught me at a bad time. The full moon was two days ago, so I am weak, lonely, tired, in mourning and stupidly frustrated at everyone else for celebrating.
What is there to celebrate?
Oh, sure, the world is once again safe from the evil forces of Voldemort. What does that mean if the other Marauders are not here?
God, I'm so self involved! I am so sorry. Like I said, I am having a bad day, or week, or maybe year. Well, ok, my life sucks. Are you happy now?
I might just leave it a few months, to make sure Harry is truly ok. Then I will slip away quietly. Slowly, of course, to not raise any alarm. Then I will be free to rejoin my Mate. My Sirius.
This will continue. I have it all mapped out in my head, but any help is good. You can review using the button below or contact me via e-mail using the link on my profile page.
Thanks for reading.