Note: Yeah, this took too long. I was searching for the song lyrics for a long time. Sorry about that. Also, it wouldn't accept my normal method of doing scene breaks, so I had to put the word "break" in instead. Hope it's not too distracting.

Anyway, enjoy the show.

Disclaimer: Harry, Hermione, Ron, Fred, George, Bill, Ginny... well, you get the picture. They belong to J.K. Rowling.


"Fred! George!"

The boys in question quickly assumed the most innocent expressions they could muster.

Molly had one hand on her hip, the other holding a wand covered in pancake batter, which she pointed at the two boys. "Did you lock Harry and Hermione in a closet?"

The twins looked up at her with doe eyes. "What makes you think we would do a thing like that, Mum?" Fred asked.

"Oh, let's just say I... overheard... a certain two persons talking about it." With the word "overheard," she flicked her wand forward as if to make a point. A drop of batter flew from the wand and landed on George's nose.

"honestly, boys, I don't know where you get this mischievous strain! When I was at school I never" --here she made a sweeping gesture with her wand, splattering batter across the floor in an arc "--would have even thought of doing something like this, much less carried it out!" She stopped suddenly, as if remembering something, and a blush crept up her cheeks. She looked at the floor, which she only now realized was splattered with pancake batter. She looked back at the two boys, forcing a hard look into her eyes. "That is all. Go to your room."

Fred and George turned and began to climb the stairs. They exchanged a glance.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" George asked, grinning.

An identical grin spread over Fred's face. "She's hiding something."

"We might be able to catch Mum at it this time!" They exchanged a high-five.

The boys ran the rest of the way up the stairs to gather their research materials.

Molly watched her twins exchanging whispers as they climbed the stairs. She sighed, with the sinking feeling that she would be the one who ended up being punished in this case.

(Break)

Bill led his mother into the kitchen. "sit down, Mum. the twins asked me to bring you in here for something or other."

Molly sat down, feeling apprehensive. Fred and George could be brutal, but certainly they wouldn't humiliate their own mother... would they?

The twins walked in, carrying several rolls of parchment, a leather-bound book, and a mallet, huge grins on their faces.

Molly shifted nervously in her seat.

"Mum," George spoke up, while Fred arranged everything out on the table, "You're going on trial."

"What?"

"Wait here," said Fred, and the boys turned and walked out of the room.

"Make sure she doesn't move, Bill," Fred called over his shoulder.

"Right."

Molly waited, wringing her hands.

After a few minutes, Fred and George came back into the kitchen, followed by Harry, Ron, Ginny, Hermione, Remus and Sirius.

Molly paled.

Fred rapped the mallet on the table. "Order in this court! We have found solid evidence that the accused, Molly Weasley, did willfully and intentionally conspire with James Potter to lock Sirius Black and Professor Remus Lupin in a room together, and did willfully and intentionally carry out this plan, putting the victims of it in danger as well as in a very uncomfortable situation. Would the Prosecution like to make its case?"

"Certainly," George replied, his voice ringing sharply through the room. "It's simple, really. She did it, she knows she did it, and we have witnesses and good solid evidence to prove it. The Prosecution calls Mr. Sirius Black to the stand."

Sirius stepped forward and was motioned to sit in a chair next to Molly.

"Now, Mr. Black, to the best of your recollection could you tell us what happened that day?"

"Well, it was the twentieth of November, and a Saturday. I remember it quite clearly. I was given a note asking me to meet Remus the previous day. on Saturday I found a set of instructions waiting for me at the Portrait Hole. I followed them and ended up in a room by myself. There were lots of pillows. After a few minutes, Remus came in and was quite surprised to find me there. We started talking and realized that James and Molly must've set us up."

"And how did you come to this conclusion?"

"Well, Remus was the one who came to it, actually, but I realized he was right."

(Break)

"Well, you see, George, I had noticed James and Molly together a lot more often than was usual, especially since they'd never been good friends before, and Sirius was seeing Molly at that time to the best of my knowledge. It struck me as rather unusual. And later when I realized that the note I had gotten wasn't from Sirius, things began to click."

George produced a card. "Is this the note you received?"

Remus examined it. "Yes, it looks like it."

"And how do you know Sirius didn't write this note?"

"He told me he hadn't."

"No more questions. Would you care to cross-examine, Bill?"

"No, not at this point."

"The Prosecution would like to recall Sirius Black to the stand."

"You may do so," replied Fred. "Professor Lupin, you may step down."

Sirius stepped forward, exchanging a gleeful look with Remus as they traded places.

"Now, Mr. Black, did you write this note?"

Sirius looked at the note. "No."

George produced another note. "Now, in order to verify, we have brought out another note with a similar message. Mr. Black, did you write this note?"

Sirius looked at the note, handing the other back to George. "Yes, I did write this note."

"Thank you, Mr. Black, that will be all." George passed both notes to Harry, marked exhibits A and B. "now, exhibit A is the note Sirius black claims not to have written, and exhibit B is the note he did write. Examine them carefully."

Harry looked at both notes and passed them to Hermione, who examined them for a moment before passing them to Ron.

(Break)

"The Prosecution calls Molly Weasley to the stand."

A gasp went through the room.

Molly got up from the chair she had been sitting in and nervously settled into the one next to it.

"Now, Mum, I have here a book, that, according to the inside cover, was your diary from 1968 until 1974. Would you please examine this diary and tell the court whether it is in fact yours?"

Molly picked up the book and flipped through it. "Yes, it's mine," she said croakily. She was by this point resigned to whatever fate awaited her.

"Thank you. Now, if I may, I will read a passage from this diary"

"Carry on," said Fred.

"'Dear Mildred," George began. Everyone snickered. "You named your diary?" Sirius asked incredulously.

"You named your diary Mildred?" Harry asked, more incredulously.

Fred rapped his mallet on the table. "Order, please! Order!"

"Ahem," George said, and continued. "'Dear Mildred, today James and I put our plan into action. It worked out well. As far as I can tell, Sirius and Remus are still locked in the Room of Necessity. James is checking right now. I'm taking the chance to write a brief entry while he does."

Here George stopped. "From this point on, it gets a bit.. er... too intense for my tastes, seeing as the Defendant is still my mother." He made a face and put the book down.

Molly's face turned rather pink.

"I think," said Fred, "that this proves our case. Any words from the Defense?"

"No words," said Bill. Molly gave him a 'why, Bill, I'm surprised at you' look. Bill just smirked.

"Alright, then," said George. "Case closed, if there are no objections.

There were no objections.

"Jury," said Fred, turning to the onlookers, "Deliberate amongst yourselves and present us with a verdict by lunchtime, if you can. I'm getting hungry."

The jury, which consisted of Harry, Ron, and Hermione, went into the living room to decide.

(Break)

After about five minutes, they came back. Hermione stepped to the front, clearing her throat.

"What do you find, jury?" asked George.

"We the jury," said Hermione, "find the defendant Molly Weasley guilty of one count of matchmaking and one count of hypocrisy."

"Very well," said Fred. "Her sentence shall be... being subjected to a public trial and found guilty."

"Done and done," grinned George.

Fred shook George's hand.

Molly couldn't seem to decide whether to feel annoyed or sheepish.

(Break)

Sirius tugged on Remus's sleeve in the manner of a small child wanting attention. "Remus?"

Remus turned, giving Sirius a wry smile. "Yes, Sirius?"

Sirius dropped his head, his waist-length hair hiding his face. He looked back up at Remus, doe-eyed. "Will you cut my hair?"

"Er," said Remus.

"Please?" said Sirius.

"Well," said Remus.

"C'monnnn, Moony," Sirius whined.

Remus gave Sirius a skeptical look. "Just because I'm gay doesn't make me a hairdresser, Sirius."

Sirius looked put-out. "I wasn't implying. It's just that... well, I asked Molly to do it, but she's in a bit of a mood about... well, you know, what happened this afternoon."

"Oh." Remus had the decency to look sheepish. "Well, then... I suppose I can give it a try."

Sirius did a strange little dance that involved quite a bit of air guitar.

Remus just shook his head at his companion.

(Break)

"Take off your shirt."

"What?"

Remus sighed. "It'll get all wet and it'll have hairs in it when I'm done if you don't take it off. Honestly, Sirius, even after everything you've been through you still can't take your mind out of the gutter for two minutes."

Sirius made a face he hoped was sexy and pulled off his shirt verrrry slowwwwly.

Remus just made a huffing noise and crossed his arms over his chest.

Sirius grinned. "Now what?"

"Sit down." Remus gestured to the chair he'd set up in the bathroom.

Sirius obeyed.

"Good. Now... hmm. I think you're supposed to have your hair wet before you cut it. hold on." Remus Summoned some water onto Sirius's head from the sink.

"Gah! Remus, that's cold!" Sirius shivered, goosebumps rising on his arms.

Remus hid a smirk. He ran a comb through Sirius's long hair. "shoulder length all right?"

Sirius grinned. "Just like I had it in school."

Remus returned his grin, even though he couldn't see it. "all right, then." He began to cut.

(Break)

A few minutes later, Sirius's hair fell just below his shoulders. "It'll shrink as it dries," Remus explained, moving around Sirius to check that the length was the same on both sides.

"You kow an awful lot about cutting hair for not being a hairdresser."

Remus simply shrugged, leaning close to examine his work.

Sirius placed his hands on Remus's back and puled him forward, causing Remus to fall into his lap, straddling his legs. Sirius grinned widely.

"Hey, what'd you do that for? I was trying to... hey, stop that." Sirius was trying to pull Remus's shirt off.

Remus swatted his hands away, leaning back to make sure everything looked all right. His eyes wandered to Sirius's shoulders, his chest. Sirius hadn't been overly thin in school, he'd always had more of a muscular build, which probably came form being a Beater. Now, however, Remus could see his ribs clearly through his pale skin, and not just where they jutted out at the bottom; all of them. He ran a hand over Sirius's chest.

"You know, Padfoot, you're still a lot thinner than you were in school."

Sirius laughed shortly. "I hadn't noticed." He paused. "I suppose I don't have as much of an appetite anymore. I guess it comes from not really having eaten much in the last twelve years... your body sort of gets used to it."

A thoughtful expression played over Remus's face. "Yeah, I guess so..."

Sirius took the opportunity of Remus's distraction to pull off his shirt.

"Agh! Sirius!!"

Sirius grinned devilishly, tossing the shirt over his shoulder out of Remus's reach.

"Y'know, you're not exactly the picture of health yourself, Moon." Sirius surveyed Remus's thin form, eyeing the silvery scars of a bite mark on his shoulder. he poked a finger between two of Remus's ribs. "I can see the outline of your heart."

Remus looked down. "What?"

Sirius traced the area in question with his middle finger. "you see, it's darker here than the rest. Even I'm not that thin."

"Well, I was always this thin, as I'm sure you knew... I hadn't noticed that before."

"Neither had I." Sirius pulled Remus into a deep kiss, his hands slipping into the back of Remus's jeans. Remus slid his hips forward, bringing his body in contact with Sirius's, and ran his fingers through the wet hair that fell now to Sirius's shoulders.

(Break)

Hermione needed to go to the bathroom. She politely excused herself from her game of muggle chess with Ginny, and headed in the direction of the first-floor loo.

The door was ajar, so Hermione, having no reason to believe anyone was in there, pushed it open and was confronted with the mind-altering sight of two adult men, one her former DaDA professor and the other her best friend's godfather, half-naked, a bit wet, and sitting on a chair snogging each other's brains out. Hermione, wide-eyed, quickly shut the door with a loud bang and went to try the second-floor bathroom.

Remus looked up, startled, saw the closed door, muttered something about always having thought the place was haunted, and then continued his exploration of Sirius's mouth. "Mmmh..."

FINIS

Glorious Day - Weezer

Gonna make my move
Gonna make it stay
Gonna make it last
Nevermind the past
Living for today

Hey, hey
You know what you want me to say
Right, right
Fight, fight
We can start a glorious day

Gonna take my chance
Gonna rock and dance
Gonna hit the ground
With a brand new sound
Looking for romance

Hey, hey
You know what you want me to say
Right, right
Fight, fight
We can start a glorious day

Glorious children on my mind
Glorious wastings of my time
Glorious plans we make up
Forcing things in line

Hey, hey
You know what you want me to say
Right, right
Fight, fight
We can start a glorious day

Glorious children on my mind
Glorious wastings of my time
Glorious plans we make up
Forcing things in life

Gonna rock it out
Gonna scream and shout

Gonna do it right
Standing in the light
Perchin' on the clouds

Gonna do it right
Standing in the light
Perchin' on the clouds

Gonna do it right
Standing in the light
Perchin' on the clouds

Hey


There's probably gonna be some "extra features" soon if you're interested. Yes, that's right, the "Secrets" special edition DVD. Or something to that effect.