Disclaimer: The characters? Nope, not mine.
Thanks reviewers, they've been fantastic, it's appreciated!
"Are you sure this story's true?"
"C'mon Megs, do you really think that I, Darkwing Duck, would lie to you?"
"Well I'm not lying!"
"But I don't remember any of this!"
"Megavolt, what did you have for lunch today?"
"Umm…I don't remember…"
"Case and point."
Darkwing breathed heavily and looked over the scaffolding once again. Far below a decent-sized crowd had gathered, now including a film crew.
"Hey look, we're on TV!" Megavolt cried joyously.
"Oh good, you've managed to alert all of St. Canard to our calamitous condition," Darkwing said to the crowd sweetly, then roared, "NOW IF YOU COULD JUST DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!"
"Well, the space-time continuum isn't gonna move any faster, let's hear the rest of this story," Megavolt suggested wearily.
Darkwing gave the crowd one last dirty look before clearing his throat.
"Let's see…it's a warm summer's night in the St. Canard High School auditorium, where our young Drake Mallard is approaching one of the most important moments of his life…"
Drake Mallard batted his cap's tassel out of his face and watched as a young duck named Doug walked up to the stage and accepted his diploma. It had all come down to this – his high school graduation. He flattened the front of his purple gown nervously. Why was the school color purple? Purple draws a lot of attention, especially when he would trip and fall in front of everyone – NO! Drake shook the thought out of his head. He'd do fine, he'd take his diploma, he'd finally graduate…
Drake gulped. They were getting closer to the M's. He could feel himself sweating under the big graduation hat. He glanced over his shoulder, still hopeful he would see Elmo back there somewhere. But he was nowhere to be found, no one had been able to find him for over a week.
Preena swished back her hair and accepted her diploma. The tassel swung into Drake's face again, and he quickly pushed it away. I will not trip, I will not trip, I will not trip…
His breath caught up in his throat. This was it, the moment he had been waiting for…
Drake went to step forward – dear lord, did he start on his left or right foot?! It didn't matter, he had started walking anyway…the principal was there, smiling and holding out the scroll of paper…freedom, just a few feet away…
"DON'T ANYBODY MOVE! Uh, please."
The principal withdrew his hand. Drake made a wild snatch for his diploma, but missed. Furious, he searched for the distraction. There, making his way down the aisle, was none other than Megavolt.
"Not again!" Drake exclaimed, exasperated.
A few random students screamed and bolted out of the auditorium, the Prom's events still clear in their minds. Drake watched as he made his way onto the stage. Megavolt gestured to the microphone and asked the principal, "May I?"
The principal nodded numbly, and Megavolt stepped up to the mike.
"Um, excuse me! May I have your attention please? My name is Megavolt. You may remember me from Prom night – I was the one trying to electrocute people. I come here tonight asking if Mr. Hamm String would please step forward, because I need his assistance."
All eyes turned to Hamm, who even though he could still feel the sting from his run-in with Megavolt on Prom night, was glancing about haughtily.
"What's it to ya, Geek-asaurus Rex?" he asked loudly, producing laughter from several students.
"Um, well, if you don't comply with my request I'll be forced to obliterate all of you. It's nothing personal, it's just…well, I guess it is personal, but then – oh never mind. Just do what I want. Thank you for your time."
The arrogant grin disappeared from Hamm's face and several people screamed and began exiting the auditorium. The principal marched over to Megavolt. Drake made another grab for his diploma, but the principal ignored him.
"Listen young man," he said to Megavolt sternly, "I ask that you leave immediately before I call the police! This is unacceptable!"
"I may be unacceptable, but this isn't!" Megavolt retorted, seizing Drake's diploma.
"GAH! My freedom!" Drake cried.
Megavolt grinned and declared, "You call the cops and this verification of graduation gets it!"
The principal stared at him, then headed towards the phone.
"Yeah whatever you say kid. I'm callin' the police."
Drake's eyes widened in terror. Before he knew what he was doing he sprinted after the principal.
"NOOO!" Drake screamed, and then lunged, tackling his principal.
They landed in a heap on the floor. The principal glared at Drake while straightening his toupee.
"Uh, heh heh, sorry, I thought I saw a, um, loose…floor…board," Drake lied sheepishly.
Meanwhile Hamm String was making a mad dash to the nearest exit, but Megavolt blocked his path.
"Sorry big boy, you can't leave just yet," the rodent chuckled evilly, "I'm afraid that you're going to have to make like a tree and stay! No, hold on, that didn't come out right…I'm afraid you're going to have to take off your coat and leave awhile! Wait, that wasn't right either – oh forget it, I hate metaphors anyway! Just come with me or I'll turn you into fried pork!"
Hamm gulped and nodded, following into a hallway.
"My boyfriend!" Preena squealed in terror.
"My diploma!" Drake said in the same tone.
Preena turned to Drake out of sheer desperation.
"Someone's got to do something!"
Drake put on an audacious face and shouted, "Oh don't worry, someone will do something, now that it's gotten personal! This looks like a job for D – "
Preena raised a stenciled in eyebrow.
"D…uh, the dean of students! I'll go find him!" Drake said.
Megavolt gripped the handlebars of the treadmill steadily.
"How thick are you?! What could you possibly not understand?!" the rodent shrieked.
"I just don't get why in the world you would want to do this!" Hamm cried angrily.
"Listen, it's really simple. All you have to do is tape my hands to this brilliant little machine and turn it on high speed. I'll start running really fast, so that the carpet attached to this device will generate a large amount of static electricity in my body. After about fifteen minutes the energy buildup will explode and jettison me into the wall you see before you. Then I'll touch the doorknob, and poof! I'll have my powers back."
"But why do you need me to do it?! Why don't you just run on that thing by yourself?!"
"BECAUSE!" Megavolt shrieked, "It's a scientific experiment! When you repeat a scientific experiment you have to do it the exact same way in order to produce accurate results! How did you graduate?!"
"I didn't yet, thanks to you," Hamm muttered bitterly.
Megavolt frowned apologetically.
"Oh, I'm sorry…here, have this one," he said, handing him Drake's diploma.
Hamm pocketed the scroll when a puff of blue smoke erupted in the science lab.
"I am the terror that flaps in the night!"
"Now you're in for it nerdface," Hamm said to Megavolt with a sneer.
"I am the livewire you can't control!"
"I hate metaphors," Megavolt growled.
"I am Darkwiiiiiing Duck!"
"HA HA HA!"
Darkwing glowered at Megavolt.
"Cute outfit Dinkwing!" the rodent chuckled.
Darkwing looked himself over. He was now in a purple mask, cap, and gown. The school colors matched his mask quite nicely, if he did say so himself.
"Thanks for the fashion critique, you should write your own column," Darkwing jibed, "now free this innocent citizen, and I'll go easy on ya!"
"Just let me get my powers back first," Megavolt said casually.
"Wait…you mean to tell me that after all that threatening in the auditorium, you don't even have your powers?"
"Nope. Ever since I zapped the tailfeathers offa you the other night, it drained all my energy. Now I'm nothing but a poor, powerless, scientific genius…but not anymore, ha ha! My brilliant plan to rejuvenate my energy is foolproof!" Megavolt informed.
"Gee, why don't you just make it easier on yourself and strap a battery to your back?" Darkwing asked sarcastically.
"You know, that isn't such a bad idea…" Megavolt mused.
Darkwing turned to Hamm and hissed under his breath, "Yo. Hamm. Amscray."
"Oh, right," Hamm said, and ran out of the room.
Darkwing turned his attention back to Megavolt. The rat was now running as fast as he could on the carpeted treadmill, leaning forward in exertion and gripping the handlebars tightly.
"Whoa, hold the phone Megavolt, there will be no rebooting while Darkwing Duck is here!" the mallard yelled.
Too late. Electrical energy was already sparking from Megavolt's fingertips.
"Oh yeah!" Megavolt shouted triumphantly, flexing his muscles, "I am large and recharged!"
Just then he noticed that he had released the handlebars while the treadmill was still in motion.
"Whoopsie," was all he managed to get out before being flung off the machine.
Megavolt flew through the air and out the window, screaming all the while. Darkwing could only stare for a moment. He shook his head and crawled out of the now broken window in pursuit. Outside in the night, he saw that Megavolt had landed in the middle of the football field, lying in an odd position.
"Ever consider yoga Megavolt?" Darkwing jeered.
"Yeah, I call this one Duck Greeting Deadly Shock!" Megavolt retorted, shooting a spark of energy at the mallard.
Darkwing leapt out the way and grinned.
"Ha, ya missed, Sparky!" he said, then grinned, "Hey, get it? Sparky? Ah, my own wit amazes me every now and then…"
Megavolt saw red.
"Don't EVER call me that! No one likes bad puns, duck, they're lame! How would like if I called you Darky? Or how about Flappy?! Huh?! Do you like being called dumb names?!"
"Not as much as I like trashing villains!" Darkwing declared.
He lunged at Megavolt, who stepped aside and stuck out his foot. Darkwing tripped over his boot and hit the grass in one rather ungraceful movement.
Darkwing spit grass out of his mouth and scowled. Suddenly he heard the crisp sound of crackling electricity. He gulped ominously and turned around, only to see a grinning Megavolt with his surging arms raised.
"I have you right where I want you Darkwing Duck, teehee…er, I guess 'teehee' isn't very villainous, lemme try again…"
Megavolt threw back his head and let out an insane cackle.
"There, that's better…okay, looks like roast duck is on the menu tonight!"
Megavolt reared back, ready to strike. Helpless, Darkwing just held his breath. As he waited for the pain, he heard a sudden, soft whir. His eyes widened, and he looked at his watch…it was ten o'clock…
"Oh, say Megs…"
"Did you ever learn what happens to electrically charged objects when doused with water?"
"Oh, no reason…"
The school sprinklers burst to life, watering both the football fields and their two occupants.
"Aaahhh! Not good!" Megavolt cried.
Darkwing shielded his eyes from the light show that was Megavolt shorting out. The rat's body went into spasms and he spouted a mouthful of gibberish before landing on the ground in a twitching, sizzling heap.
A soaked Darkwing got to his feet and leaned over the fallen villain.
"Looks like power really does corrupt," he muttered.
Suddenly the sprinklers stopped, and a crowd of people led by Hamm rushed towards him. Darkwing grinned pretentiously as several photographs were shot.
"Ooooh look, it's Darkwing Duck!"
"He stopped that villain!"
"He's a hero!"
"S'all in a day's work folks," Darkwing informed casually.
"What's that you got there, Hamilton?" Preena Lott asked of her boyfriend.
"Oh, this?" Hamm asked, gesturing to a roll of paper, "heh heh, it's Drake the Dweeb's diploma…I think I'm gonna keep it for a little…"
"NO!" Darkwing cried suddenly.
"I mean, no, I'll give it to him," Darkwing corrected, and snatched the scroll out of Hamm's hands.
The crime fighter sighed. Free at last.
"The end," Darkwing Duck said, sighing as he finished his story.
Megavolt's eyes narrowed and he mumbled, "I didn't really appreciate that ending."
"I'm just telling it like it is Meggie. And besides, you're a villain, did you really expect a happy ending?"
"You happy heroes don't understand anything, a villain's always gotta have hope!"
A strong breeze swept around the building, and the scaffolding jerked forward. To their horror, several crucial cables snapped. Citizens screamed as the entire right side of the platform plunged downward. The scaffolding was now dangling by one cable, while Darkwing Duck and Megavolt were hanging onto the edge by their fingertips.
"And it looks like our hopes are going to fall by the wayside," Darkwing gulped nervously.
"Oh man, this is really it, we're gonna shatter on the pavement like a box of dropped light bulbs!" Megavolt cried.
Darkwing sighed dramatically, "Alas, the end of the mighty Darkwing Duck, to be publicly splattered on the sidewalk, so much for my dreams of having my own TV show…"
"What are you whining for, this should be like a dream come true to you! Your death is going to be broadcasted on national television! I, on the other hand, am going to die knowing my last half hour was spent listening to your voice," Megavolt retorted.
"WHO WOULDN'T WANNA LISTEN TO MY – hey, why are we bickering?! We're about to fall over a hundred feet to our demise!"
"Kinda puts a damper on the day, doesn't it?" Megavolt remarked sadly.
The cable creaked ominously.
"Before we go Dirtwing I have something to admit," the rodent spurted.
"Please don't tell me you love me."
"You wish…no, it's just that, if I didn't hate you, I'd kinda like you."
"I mean, I've never told you before, but you're…you're…" Megavolt gritted his teeth and hissed, "you're not a bad crime fighter."
Darkwing blinked and said, "Aww, gee Megs, I'm touched!"
"Don't tell Phil and Mike I said that," Megavolt muttered.
"No problem…and Megavolt, if it makes you feel any better…if I had to pick one of my arch enemies to die with, it would probably be you."
"You really mean that?"
"Gosh, I don't know what to say!"
The scaffolding dropped a few feet. Darkwing and Megavolt gasped, tightening their grip.
"One thing I have to know before we go splat," Megavolt said quickly.
"Whatever happened to Elmo?"
"Huh?! Oh that Elmo…don't you remember?! You're Elmo Sputterspark!" Darkwing cried.
"Oh yeah, that makes sense…and what about Drake?"
Darkwing gulped and shouted, "Drake Mallard is – oh no."
The whir of helicopter blades sounded, and from below came –
"GIZMODUUUUUUUUUCK! Hiya there, Wingy!" Gizmoduck said amiably, hovering in front of them.
"No, not you, anyone but you!" Darkwing pleaded.
"I got a call saying that you had gotten yourself into a bit of trouble, and I wasn't too busy, so I thought I'd drop in! Come along Gizmobuddies!"
The flying duck scooped Darkwing and Megavolt into his arms and began floating back to the ground. Darkwing tugged his hat over his eyes and groaned. The instant Gizmoduck's tire hit the ground, the three were bombarded by reporters and their cameramen.
"Gizmoduck, were you nervous at all?"
"Yo Giz, any trouble along the way?"
"Gizmo, what's your favorite part about being a superhero?"
"People people please," Gizmoduck crooned, "not every question at once, I'm just glad my buddy Wingy and his compadre here are okay…"
Darkwing drew back his fist, only to have another hand hold him back. He turned around. Launchpad was holding his arm and smiling, Gosalyn at his side.
"We saw where you and your stupidity had gotten you on TV, so we had to call someone," Gosalyn said.
"Yeah they were showing you and Megavolt on a buncha channels so your interview's gonna be cancel – ow!" Launchpad gushed until Gosalyn elbowed him in the ribs.
"Well, at least I still managed to get mass media exposure," Darkwing muttered.
"And it's all on tape too, Launchpad set up the VCR!" Gosalyn said.
Darkwing's jaw dropped.
"It's real easy DW, I'll show ya sometime!"
Darkwing mouthed "Why me?" before catching sight of a police officer handcuffing Megavolt, then realizing that metal was a conductor of electricity. Darkwing pushed past the crowd and the scorched officer and faced Megavolt.
"So…" he began.
"So…" Megavolt repeated.
Darkwing looked at him awkwardly and said, "Um, the little conversation up there, heh heh…never happened."
"Already forgot it," Megavolt returned with a grin.
Darkwing smiled back, knowing he had seen a shadow of the old Sputterspark in the villain's face.
"I should be able to break out of prison before recess tomorrow, so…I'll probably be out on the streets terrorizing the populace by dinner," Megavolt said casually.
"Okay, thanks for the heads up…and Megs?"
"Keep it somewhere on the ground this time, kay?" Darkwing suggested.
"Gotcha. Well, see ya tomorrow for another epic battle between the powers of good and evil!" Megavolt called to Darkwing as he was loaded into the police car.
"I'll keep my calendar open!" Darkwing called back.
"See ya Darkwing Dork."
"Don't call me Sparky…" Megavolt roared as the police car drove away.
Darkwing grinned and rejoined Launchpad and Gosalyn.
"With enemies like that, who needs friends?"