Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha.

Late Night Wonderings

It was late, but InuYasha was still awake, he had already slept all that he needed for the next day. He sat up in a tree and looked down at the rest of the group he was traveling with. No matter how much he wanted to find the Shikon Jewel, he couldn't help but hope that they don't find it. Until they find it, he is able to imagine that the people liked him for who he was.

All of his life, only one person had ever liked him. His mother was the only person that didn't care that he was a half-breed. His father had loved his mother, but he had liked Sessoumaru more because he was a full demon. He didn't like InuYasha even though he liked his mother more then he liked Sessoumaru's mother. Sessoumaru hated him and was ashamed that he was related to him. The village that InuYasha grew up in hated and feared that fact that he had demon blood in him.

After his mother died, InuYasha was left alone and was kicked out of the village. He wandered for a while and every village he saw despised him because of his looks, as his dog-ears, pointed teeth, and amber eyes gave the fact that he was at least part demon away. When he turned into a human, the villages didn't mind him, but he always had to leave before morning. The demons that he encountered knew that he was a half-breed because of his smell. They either ignored his existence or tried to kill him for existing.

When he met Kikyo, he felt as though he was loved by her, and so he loved her in return. He was hurt that she didn't like the fact that he was a half-breed. He had wanted to be pure demon since he was a young boy, that way; he would earn his brother's respect, or at least his affections. As he got older, he realized that he wouldn't get anything out of his brother, but he had been dreaming of being a pureblood that he still wanted to be one. When Kikyo wanted him to become a human with the Shikon Jewel, he agreed, believing that if he did, Kikyo would love him for all of him.

After he found out that he was betrayed, he tried to steal the Shikon Jewel to turn into a demon. He believed that if he turned into a demon, he would be powerful enough to defeat everyone that wanted to make a fool out of him. He also believed that he wouldn't be hurt anymore because it was the human half of him that wanted companionship.

He knew that Miroku and Sango were only tolerant of him because he was strong. Kilala was because of Sango. Shippo was just like every other demon that InuYasha had encountered, he believed that half demon meant only half of the power. InuYasha was still weary of him, though. Even though Shippo was young, InuYasha believed that he only paid attention to him because he was strong and Kagome wanted him to. He found out every time that he and Kagome fought, the rest of the group would ignore him until they made up, so he figured that Kagome was also a big factor with the others.

Kagome confused InuYasha. She acted like she cared, but InuYasha couldn't figure out what she gained out of the whole be nice to InuYasha thing. InuYasha at first thought that it was to get him to sleep with him, as people had done that just to say that they had slept with a demon and lived. He found out that that wasn't true when she constantly blushes about everything. He tried not to let his guard down around her, but she never acted like she wanted or expected anything from him.

So his thoughts came back to the beginning of the circle with the Shikon Jewel. On one hand, they could finish his journey and then he would be alone again and he wouldn't be around people that pretended to like him. But if they didn't finish the quest, then the companionship that he yearned for would still be with him, but he would keep being toyed with. They were both difficult and he didn't know what he wanted. He wouldn't purposely slow down, but he wouldn't speed up either.

"InuYasha!" InuYasha snapped out of his thoughts when he heard Kagome's voice. He jumped out of the tree and placed his protective mask back on for the day.

This story is from InuYasha's view. It isn't what I believe, but I think that the way InuYasha grew up, he would have some serious trust issues. The story just came to mind when I was staying up with my kitten because she was scared of the thunder. It's my first InuYasha fic and I'm sorry that it's so short.