On Being A Pumpkin
Summary – Money isn't everything – in fact, its nothing when you're lonely… enter Kagome and Sesshomaru.
Disclaimer – I don't own them – But I did earn a Miroku duplicate from writing 'Shippo's Plan' (shameless plug). That's about as close as I can get.
Warning: My mommy says I'm 'special'. Therefore, this story is very 'special'. Oh yeah - - AU
Chapter 1: In The Time of Chimpanzees, I was a Monkey
Have you ever felt that you didn't have a place? I mean, they say that every one has a niche, it's just, some how, I never got mine. It's like I was absent that day or something, I'm not entirely sure. Anyway, I guess I should tell you that my name is Kagome Higurashi, and I'm a seventeen year old reject.
Ha, ha! You say, so very cliché, yeah, so bite me. I'm an adolescent, I'm allowed to angst. (It says so in my contract) Anyways, yeah seventeen year old reject, back to that.
Ok, so maybe I'm being a little over-dramatic, but damn it, I think I'm entitled. (PS I so did not just say the d-word, my step mom would kill me. Shhh!) I mean, I do have friends, and I even have this crazy stalker guy that follows me around everywhere, but I'm also that girl. Oh, you know that girl. Every high school has one. She's the one who trips and falls in the cafeteria and spills her stuff all over the place. She's the girl who always gives the wrong answers in class, not because she's dumb, just because she's nervous. She's the person that people pick on, but have no idea at all why they do such things. It's just that everyone does. I'm pretty sure that there are people out there placing bets on when I go 'Carrie' on this place. Actually, scratch that, I know there are people doing that because my cousin Miroku is taking those bets. Jerk.
Ah yes, my family. Are you sure you wanna know… cause it's not pretty. Alright, you've been warned. So here's how it goes. My mom died when she was giving birth to me, I never met her, and I am the only child from my parent's marriage. Well, Mom ran the household, and Dad lost it when she left, so he married right away again to this other woman named Koto. At least I'd like to think that it happened that way. I can't imagine Koto loving anyone but herself and her precious children. As an interesting side note, did you know that Koto means "harp" in Japanese? Oh yeah, it does. It suits her – you know, with her being a harpy and all. She's evil.
So yeah, Koto's kids. Kikyo and Kaede. I like Kaede, she's a sweetheart. She's my age and we get along well. And then there's Kikyo. Ah, Kikyo. As opposed to my that girl, she is the school's it girl. Oh trust me, you know them too. They are the infuriating ones with perfect hair, expensive clothes, make-up suitable for a celebrity, and that fake-winning smile. The ones that make us mere mortals nauseous in envy and bitterness, them. And gods, if Kikyo didn't know it. She eff-ing rubs your face in it.
Kaede's not like that. No, she's actually quite kind and a little quiet, but dear lord, don't ever upset her. Quick temper on that one. No, Kaede wasn't shaped as perfectly as Kikyo was, but I still thought she was pretty. Most of the guys ignored her – and me for that matter – in favor of our 'darling' sister. Oh no, I'm not bitter – I'm not bitter at all. (Liar)
So the four of us live at my Dad's. Four, you say? Yes four. Dad died after I turned four. I was never told how he died, although I have asked many times. Now don't go jumping to conclusions, I honestly don't think that Koto killed him, I think it was just his time to go, but that left me with my step family, Koto, Kikyo, and Kaede. And here is where we get to the meat of things.
Koto likes money. She likes being rich, she likes to flaunt it. She does it all the time. So we live in this big-ass (didn't say that either) house on a hill in a neighborhood with its own security guards. I make myself sick. Anyway, I'd like to introduce you to its maid and keeper, me.
Ah yes, this money that Koto spends so much of has limits, and her idea of budgeting is not cutting back on the exorbitant amount of cash she spends on her and her children's wardrobe, but she doesn't hire maids and just has me do it. Oh, it's all justified neatly, Kikyo has student council, and plays, and concerts, and a life, she can't clean, and Kaede has a volunteer job down at an orphanage tutoring. Both of them are too busy so it's, "Kagome, would you be a dear and polish the furniture, sweep the floors, vacuum, etc etc etc, and so on and so forth. It's gotten to the point where she doesn't ask anymore, just gets 'disappointed' when it's not done.
So between the massive house and massive amounts of homework, I don't get out much. At all. I go to school and that's it. All of my clothes are hand me downs from Kikyo and Kaede, sometimes Koto. I don't mind, really. I've never been one for the malls. It's actually really nice. Ok, so I'm just pretending to be happy. As I said above, bite me. I've got a whole bunch of lemons and I'm just trying to make some lemonade with this shyte, ok?
Now, I mentioned that I have friends. True! I have lovely friends. Sango is a junior like me, and she is the sister that I'd like to trade Kikyo in for. Sure, Sango's kinda quiet, and her temper is scarier than Kaede's, but she is a real gem. She's always there for her friends, and who could ask for more? It's kinda funny though, she's got a crush on my aforementioned cousin, Miroku. Miroku is such a pervert. He's one of those kids that runs around making sexual jokes and steamy innuendo, but you know he's not getting any. In fact, I know that kid would panic if a girl actually responded to his callous flirting. Wanna hear a great secret? He's got the hots for Sango too, it's so great to watch those two secretly angst over how the other is never ever going to like them and how they are doomed to be eternally single. It makes me smile. One day, they'll wake up, until then, it's better than cable.
Alright, and lastly, the crazy stalker guy. His name is Koga, and he's – uh – special. I'm not quite sure why he started following me, he just did. I've heard that he's some kind of basketball star or something, but I don't rightly care. Reject, remember? Anyway, he's been hounding me since freshman year, calling me his woman and once, in geometry class, he literally growled at a guy who asked me for a sheet of paper. He growled. What the kcuf is that? Sigh.
Let's see. I'm trying to figure out if there's any one else I outta tell you about. Oh yeah. The Brothers Golden. We mustn't forget them. (I wish you could see me roll my eyes.) Sesshomaru and Inuyasha Tashio. Sesshomaru is like a freshman in college now, going to some expensive private school, and Inuyasha is a senior like Kikyo (Did I tell you that already? Can't remember, oh well.) Anyway, they're both gorgeous and talented and so perfect that the sun shines out of their ass--- eyes. Yeah. Eyes. Sesshomaru's a dick while Inuyasha's a prick. Are you familiar with the difference? At first, you may not think there is one, but there is a distinct difference. A dick is mean on purpose. He can be nice, and he is on occasion, but in general, he's nasty just to be nasty. A prick can't help himself. He's just obnoxious, a character flaw, or characteristic, whatever you wanna call it. I think, personally, that being a dick is worse than being a prick, but that's just me.
Anyway, Inuyasha's dating Kikyo… there's a match made in hell. (Oh, I went there.) They've been together for a really long time, but I'm not entirely certain that it's the healthiest relationship. They just kinda feed off each other. It's weird.
Like I'm one to talk about relationships. The closest thing I have to a boyfriend is Koga, and that's a down right scary thought. Shudder.
Anyway, I've set the stage for you. I guess the players are all in place now, and all that's left is to draw the curtain. So here it goes…
Lemme know if it stinks, I'll knock it off, I swear.