Disclaimer: ::glares at lawyers:: I don't own Naruto or Meteor Garden. ::grumbles:: Happy now you dark suit wearing freaks!?
Warning: Possible sappiness and angst due to the author's deep state of depression and insanity. It was this or she goes to visit her happy dinner knife.
My Memory Puzzle
Kaze to Konoha Special Chapter
By Jia Zhang
I have spent many nights, in the emptiness, alone, staring into the sky. The moon wraps its arms around me often, but it brings me no comfort. Sometimes, this abyss is oddly comforting, giving me some sort of sympathy I cannot receive from anyone else. Yet, at other times, it is the cruelty of my fate, for at times I wonder if I will forever be this way...Lost in these forlorn dreams, waiting for my sweet rhapsody.
That is what I am always doing; waiting, in an insomniac state, forever, hopelessly waiting for her.
I am not a fortuneteller, and I can't see into anyone's future, much less my own. But I feel that my fate will always be entwined with her's. I know what it was like in the beginning. But, I fear how it shall be in the end.
She often reminds me of flowers that have just bloomed, their soft petals spread wide, gracing towards the shining Sun. Or should I say that I am the Moon, forever in trap in her gravity. I would be lost without her. Without her, my nights really would be in emptiness, in nothingness, in my dark, dark abyss.
I was not like other children when I was young. My heart was carved deep inside a plasticine mold, shut in a place even I couldn't get to.
I used to watch them play, Sasuke, Shikamaru, and Kiba. They were able to smile, to laugh, to enjoy and bask in the bliss of our childhood. But I could not. I was not like them, and I knew that. I could not smile the way they did. I could not enjoy life the way they did. I could not feel the way they did. And I envied, every second of every minute of every moment, I envied them.
It hurt so much not to be able to feel the world as my dear friends could. Most would have abandoned me, but they stuck by my side, through everything. But they did not know what to do about my hidden heart, and the pain I felt.
I wished so much...to be able to...live.
I didn't understand why I wasn't like my friends. I didn't understand why I couldn't laugh, or smile as easily as they did. And I couldn't understand this pain that tore at my insides. Every night, as I drifted off to sleep, the darkness would come to me, beckoning me to the point of insanity, where I couldn't tell what was real and what was fantasy. I was always looking down into the vertigo, through this mad kaleidoscope.
Why I was the way I was...I couldn't understand it. And I don't think I ever will.
When I met her, however...Everything changed. Everything became...different. I was no longer caught inside a strait jacket, struggling against my sanity.
She showed me how wonderful it is to live, and how beautiful life could be.
I have always known that I loved her. For as long as I have known her, I have loved her, more than anything else.
But...I never know what she feels for me...
She parted the fog of my vision, and let me sail my ship safely through the storm. But I could never find the port. Her feelings...are always unknown to me.
That is what pains me the most. She has taught me so much, showed me the world...But I don't even know if she realizes my feelings or not. I have dreamed the day where she would love me the way I love her. How beautiful everything would be then.
But I always wake up from the dream and I am always forced back into reality.
It always seems like she will never feel any more for me than she already does. But I will always cling onto that dream. I will not let go.
It is another night. I look out to the stars that shine like fireflies.
He has stayed with me all night. I wonder why. He hasn't uttered a word...Not a single word.
He's not like anyone I know.
Even without her on this night, I feel an odd bliss with him.
I call out to the Angels with him as dawn approaches. Maybe...they will answer my call. Maybe they will make my dream come true.
What do you think?
Free Talk #2
I am extremely depressed right now. And I probably will be for several days. So please, do not expect anything from me anytime soon. Originally, I was hoping to finish chapter 3 by my deadline of next, next Wednesday. But, it doesn't look like it now. So, instead, I did a little "fic within a fic". This is just a little angst piece, with not too much sap I think. I don't think you guys are dumb, so I'm not going to bother to say whom I wrote it about.
My current emotional problems shouldn't last too long, I hope. And I promise I will get the next chapter up soon. One thing I keep reading in my reviews is that people find this to be like Hana Yori Dango/Meteor Garden a little too much. Excuse me for being a little snippy, but it's a crossover/parody. I think that's the point. As for the grammar errors, my BETA/EDITOR is on VACATION in EUROPE. Unless Miya-chan, my hopeless Naruto crazed friend, has enough patience to edit over 10K of words, there will be errors. It's not like it's gonna kill you or anything...But...
For this fic, and only this fic I am optioning for a new beta. Aku Tsubasa, my current editor/beta, won't be back till September, when she starts her last year at high school, and she will be extremely busy. So, since this is my major project for the next while, if you feel that you have the qualities of being a beta for this fic, please send an e-mail to me.
Lastly, for those of you who find Naruto a little too girly, please know that...1) He is replacing a female character, 2) He is the uke of this story, and 3) Every time I write about him I tend to think of him as a girl...So...whatever...Megami-sama, I need to go back to writing angst soon. Thank everything holy for the fact that Neji is an angsty.
To those who have support this BS fic of a romantic comedy, thank you. For those who think that I can't write a romantic comedy, you're right. Now, I will go and die...
Arigatou gozimasu minna-san,
(Current Status: Depressed)