Hopeless Despair by Shadowfaxgal

Major angst, character torture, and death. There are some gruesome descriptions and graphic details, so be warned...

This is A/U, and magic plays a big part of this story. I am not an expert on sorcery in Middle Earth, so please just bear with me and pretend...

Encouragement and constructive criticism is strongly encouraged, but please don't flame. If you don't like it, give a valid reason why. If you don't like angst, just don't read it. Thanks. All reviews will be responded to.

And...THIS IS NOT SLASH! When two people talk about love, especially brothers, it's not slash! It's simply called brotherly love!

Thank you, Freddy'sGirl01, for encouraging me to write this. I was at her house on the computer and she suggested that I write a character death story. Well, that's not exactly what this is, but I wouldn't have written it without her idea.

Also, the mandatory disclaimer: I own nothing in this story but the plot.

The twins and Legolas are fairly young elves, about the equivalent of fourteen years old if they were human. Legolas is portrayed as the twins' best friend who is staying at Imladris for a while. Soon, he will be escorted home, but then the unthinkable happens...

(The poem is written by me, please don't steal it)

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Chapter 1: Anguish

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We have always been best friends

Two parts of a whole

But once in a great while

The sameness took its toll

I'd want to be one person

Not just one of two

I did not want to be a twin

I'd want to get away from you

Well, now my wish is granted

As I sit here and endlessly cry

I am lonely and I am broken...

And I just want to die

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Elladan blinked blearily as he sat up, looking outside his window. It was still dark and the moon was high, indicating that it was not far past midnight. So why was he awake?

Standing up and stretching, he began to walk to the door to see if something was wrong in the house. Perhaps a sound had awoken him?

Suddenly, he heard a creaking noise of footsteps on the hard wood floor behind him. The older twin turned around abruptly.

In front of him stood a shadowy form, a long blade in its hand.

He heard a malicious laugh, and then felt a pain through his body like he never had before. Looking down in horror, he saw the sword protruding from his chest, and felt it sticking out from his back. He cried out in pain, shutting his eyes tightly, struggling to breathe as his hands groped weakly at the knife, covered with swiftly spurting blood.

The dark hooded figure smiled proudly and gave its hand a jerk to the left, twisting the blade. The sound of muscle and flesh tearing and of bones cracking was heard.

Elladan gasped in agony as his eyes rolled back and he crumpled to the floor lifelessly, blood pooling underneath his body.

The being chuckled softly as it pulled its blade out of the young, dying elf. It watched happily as the crimson stained the floor, pouring out of the hole straight through the Firstborn. It waited for a moment, watching its victim's breath slow and stop. Then it slipped back into the shadows.

I sit up in bed with a strangled gasp, clutching my chest. Valar, it hurts! Icy cold washes over me and I shiver.

Elladan? I think softly to myself.


Our link is gone.

Frantically, I leap out of bed and race out of my room, almost running into Legolas.

"'Ro?" the prince asks, his eyes wide with panic. "I heard a scream..."

I say nothing and shove past him, opening the door next to mine.

"Elladan?" I whisper, my voice frightened and small.



I drop to my knees and gently turn over the limp body of my beloved brother.

His torso is covered in crimson both front and back, eyes tightly closed and skin deathly pale. There is no elven glow.

"'Dan?" I whimper in disbelief, pulling him into my arms. Tears begin running down my face. "'Dan..."

Legolas kneels beside me and quickly slides his fingers onto Elladan's neck.

After a few moments, he looks at me. His eyes are full of tears and his face disbelieving.

Oh, Valar, no!

"'Ro..." he whisperers...

"He's dead."

(Two weeks later...)

I'll never forget those words. They haunt me everywhere I go. I will never escape them. I will never escape the truth.

What do you do when your life no longer matters?

What do you do when the person you care about most in the world leaves you?

What do you do when you feel as though you could have prevented your best friend's death...your brother's death...your twin's death?

The death of your other half.

There's no color in the world. Nothing at all.

Everything's gone. The trees have no voice, the sound of a bird is no more soothing than thunder.

You trip and fall, and a rock gouges deep into your leg. You watch the rivulets of blood roll down, you can see protruding bone. But there's no pain. No feeling whatsoever. You ignore it. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters.

My mind screams inside this empty shell. Can you hear it?


No one can. No one could possibly understand.

Can you hear me scream? Can you hear my soul crying?

I hear a knock on the door. My heart, my whole being aches for it to be you.

But it's not.

Where are you, brother? I feel cold, so cold.

I run as hard as I can but I hear no pounding heartbeat.

I absently push my finger into the point of my dagger to see if I can feel, but I can't.

I feel nothing.

Except emptiness. Loneliness.

It feels like there's something missing in my heart. Where did it go? Where did you go?

Nothing matters. I could die now and wouldn't care.

Would I be with you if I died? Would I see you if I killed myself?

But I'm already dead.

I always knew that we had a deep connection, but never realized what would happen if you left me. I never thought you would. You promised me that you wouldn't.

Grief overwhelms me.

One minute there's nothing, I stand stoic and still, and the next, sobs rack my body. Tears sap me dry.

I'm all alone...

I think.

But there's something there still. Just a little spark. The only thing that's keeping me from lying down and dying.

I can still feel you...


Not like I could before, though. Valar, though it frightens me, it feels like you aren't even alive. But our link wouldn't survive death...

Would it?

Are you still somewhere? Not dead, but not alive. Is there any way I can find you?

I swear, Elladan, that wherever you are...

I will find you.