WARNING SEASON EIGHT SPOILERS

Title: Worthy Of

Content Warnings: Angst, Drama, JACK POV…..'General' Drunkenness swearing MILD

Pairings: S/J

Spoilers: SEASON 8 possibly Sacrifices and Affinity

Season: Eight

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Sam's engaged. Jack's drunk. Go figure…

Author's notes: Um, still finishing the large fic and the little ones are STILL coming out.

Archive: Anywhere. I'm my own publicist. , Helio, Fan fiction, Jackfic PLEASE

Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING. And I owe even less...

Note: It helps to listen to Damien Rice's song 'Cheers Darlin' From the Album 'O', It's what the piece was written to….

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Worthy Of.

'The Winds are picking up again

Shame that I'm not giving a damn…'

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I can't say that I don't know how I'm going to react when she tells me.

Because I already know, I have reacted.

Hence the Vodka. And the darkness. And the dusty view.

And she's never going to utter the words. "Sir..." Or even 'Jack' "I'm engaged to be married."

Because, apparently, being a friend and an associate, and a team-mate for, oh....I don't know, 7 years? Doesn't really figure into things concerning Carter...

A few times, it may have, in the past.

Once, it may have, in the present.

But future is way ahead of itself.

Overrated.

She'll never say, and I'll never respond.

Sure, I'll back off, act stupid, and ignore it.

Sure, I'll make an appearance at their little 'get together'…but not their wedding.

Smile and Drink, Drink and Smile, Jack. Down the Vodka you hide behind your friends, and wait. Wait for the moment that you know is coming to bite you royally in the Ass.

Ring it up one more time. The moment when she draws it out of you, Jack. Bleed it out, wait for her to push your guard down with some painfully nurturing comment, and then watch as she delivers each punch. Blue eyes are no match for a weak man…

Punch after Punch after exceedingly emotional punch. That's how she does it….reign you in like you're a tall drink of water, and then….. Pleading to you to be happy for her, to wish her all the best, to implore what she's doing and not see it as some kind of stab-attempt to prove that she's no man's- When she is.

She's his. He's hers…

Apparently, I'm no ones'.

That's all you're needed for, Jack

That's all you're worthy of.

You're there for the rainy days, that's all you're worth. To think that in the eyes of her you were any more would be a great overstatement in some banished fable. Fables were told to ward people from veering off course. Story tales of old you are Jack, you're there to teach a lesson.

And Daniel is the Storyteller, Teal'c; the Oracle. Carter, the Heroin.

She's not the saviour, take away the 'e', and strip it bare. She's the injection, the rush, the need for more and more until it overtakes you…..drug and the drugged. But when has a fable ever taught a true thing, what is the lesson here? What the lesson is…I have no fucking idea what the lesson is, but…

But Nothing.

Abso-fucking-lutely nothing at all. Yes Mam. Just peachy. Just peachy Carter, you? No Carter, you didn't stomp on my heart. Oh, No! Go right ahead SEE IF I CARE! Lost Sara lost Charlie, Lost Carter, lost friends, lost family and …screw it! Not that I can…but I'm going to anyway.

You should have Jack. I should have fucking kissed her…when we were running in the rain…

So, Sam, here's a drink to you…and your 'lover boy'.

Only one more bottle to drink those tears away,

But they're not coming through any day….shame.

So god-damn poetic, I just…If my legs weren't numb I'd jump of his hill.

Reality is that it's a mountain, a wandering cliff; give it a hundred foot drop and call it a ravine. But let's just pretend it's a very, very small hill for the time being…

Probably going to land on my ass anyway, why give it the trouble of failing me. And there's only so many times and ways you can kill yourself…

Even when I'm dead, long forgotten, she'll be there, and with him. Screwing him, laughing with him, having his kids and loving him like she loves everything else. Touching her skin, making her sweat, arch, cry out….

Hell, she'd probably bring him to my funeral, and look away willingly as he spits on my grave.

But it's not about him. PIT. Mr 'She's mine' Shanahan…

It's……her. Like the Vodka, she burns. And like the vodka to an alcoholic, you go back to it, lust after it. Need and Bleed, become greed itself for it, and you don't stop until you have it.

Maybe it's time to stop?

Cheers Carter.

I drink to you……Congratu-fucking-lations.

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Cheers darlin'

Here's to you and your lover boy

Cheers darlin'

I got years to wait around for you

Cheers darlin'

I've got your wedding bells in my ear

Cheers darlin'

You give me three cigarettes to smoke my tears away

And I die when you mention his name

And I lied, I should have kissed you

When we were runnin' in the rain

What am I darlin'?

A whisper in your ear?

A Piece of your cake?

What am I, darlin?

The man you can fear?

Or your biggest mistake?

Cheers darlin'

Here's to you and your lover man

Cheers darlin'

I got a beauty queen

To sit not very far from here

I die when he comes around

To take you home

I'm too shy

I should have kissed you when we were alone

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I'm tired of saying 'please feed',

So, do what you will,

Hope you enjoyed it.

Athena