Disclaimer: Yeah, as if I own anything!
Stay With Me
I never needed anyone.
Is that so wrong? Is it so bad to be able to stand up on my own two feet? To be able to tell the world that I'm alone?
I never thought so.
I never thought that anyone needed me.
It wasn't as if I were a key member of the team. I fought the bad guys. I saved the world. Saved the innocent.
But I could never save myself.
I never even realised that I needed saving.
Until Terra died.
Yes, I hated her. Well, no. I didn't hate her. I pitied her. I suppose that's quite amusing coming from me. Pity. The one thing I never gave.
Terra was alone. She could never stay in one place, be with one person. She was one of the innocent people we protected. She did bad things, but in the end she was truly sorry for what she did.
But we couldn't protect her.
And he blamed himself. Said he should have done something. Robin, Starfire and Cyborg all tried to comfort him. But I didn't.
What could I say? I had never gotten on with Terra. How could I comfort Beastboy when he had had feelings for her?
I didn't understand why he liked her. I don't understand a lot of things.
It's easier to just ignore emotions when you're not allowed to have them. That way you can't wish for them. You can spend your whole life wishing for things. You can wish your life away.
But then I went to get a drink at the dead of night and Beastboy was there, sitting alone in the dark. He didn't look up as I entered, just carried on staring into space.
"Beastboy?" I asked. I couldn't ignore him. Even I'm not that heartless.
"You should rest." I told him, turning to get my drink.
And then he started crying.
To tell the truth, it made me feel bitter. To know that I can't do that without hurting someone. But I tried to get rid of that feeling.
So I sat down. I didn't know what to do. So I just let him cry.
He looked up at me.
"Raven, I don't know what to do. Terra is gone. Just… gone."
"I know. You miss her, its natural..."
"No. No, it's not natural. Slade did that to her."
His face had twisted itself into anger. So many emotions.
"Raven, I swear… I'm going to bring her back."
"It's not enough! We need her back! She's our friend!"
I couldn't listen anymore. I stood up and walked away.
"Raven, where are you going?"
"Don't! I need to talk to someone." He begged. I turned and looked at him.
"Beastboy… I know you miss her. We all do."
That made me hesitate.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean you don't miss her. You never even liked her!" Beastboy said. I knew what he was doing. Taking his anger out on me, to make himself feel better.
"Admit it Raven! You hated her!"
"I did not hate Terra. I didn't like her. I didn't care for her."
"How can you stand there and say that?" He demanded.
"I can say that because it's true. But that doesn't mean that I'm not sorry that she's gone."
"Why the hell would you be sorry? You don't even care!" He spat at me.
"I'm sorry because you cared about her. And so did the others." I told him calmly.
And he just stared at me. I kept on talking, even though every part of me being told me not to.
"I can't care about anything. I can't cry for Terra. I can't be sad that she's gone. I can't even hope that she'll come back."
"Why not?" He asked. Asked. Didn't shout, or spit it out.
"Because if I care, I hurt people. If I loved someone, I'd kill them. If I hated someone I would kill them."
He looked so guilty. So tired. So sad.
And all I could do was look at him.
"Raven, I'm so sorry."
"Don't be sorry for me."
"But why? You've got it so bad. You can't just let go and be normal for a while. You have to bottle it up."
"I don't care. I don't need anyone."
"Then why are you a Teen Titan?" He demanded.
I had to stop and consider it for a moment.
"Because I have nowhere else to go." I said simply.
I had connections with the other Titans. I could to talk to them. Robin and I always found something to talk about. Strategies or ideas. Starfire and I shared things from our own homes. Meditation, contacting spirits. We also shared things from this world. Shopping, cooking. Normal things. I watched Cyborg work in the garage. Watched how he handled his beloved machinery.
But I had nothing with Beastboy. Until now. Because as I said that I turned to leave and he said those words which no one had ever said to me before.
"Stay with me."
How could I leave?
In truth I didn't want to. I didn't want to talk about Terra anymore though.
"Beastboy, I can't comfort you. I can't be the one to tell you everything is going to be alright. To tell you we'll definitely find a way to bring Terra back. Talk to one of the others about that." I told him.
"Then let's not talk about Terra. Tell me about you. Tell me that you need someone."
"No. You can't need someone." He said, "Tell me that you want someone."
So I did. I told him how much I wanted to have someone close to me. To be able to say that I needed them with me.
And then I realised something.
I was wrong.
I was needed.
Maybe not by Robin, Starfire or Cyborg.
But Beastboy and I needed each other. I was able to talk to him. Not idle chat, but talk. And he just wanted to be close to someone again.
Would that go away if we brought Terra back? Would he not need me anymore?
I don't know. Maybe I just have to be in the moment and not think ahead, as I have done my entire life.
All I know is that as we sit here, at the kitchen table, is that I was needed. He wanted to stay with me.
And I wanted to stay with him.
(a/n: OK, was that as depressing as I think it was? I was trying to be Raven but I think I passed her off as a bit of a psycho. What do you think?
Lotsa luv 'n' huggles