Semper Fi Stress Relief

By: Comm. Butler

Disclaimer: Don't own JAG. Don't sue me you know how this works. Some of the places I gave other names for, so don't try to look for them in real life.

Author's Note: Here we have the beginning of my latest humor fic. As I promised before I left it would be juicy now while the first part or two may be a little slow I have to set the scene for you and I swear it will get better. This was inspired by one of my wonderful guy friends, (Siggy, he is motioned in my bio.) He has an older sister who did take him on a ladies relaxation day and the only part he enjoyed or so he said was the pedicure. I won't tell you why because I still want to leave him with some dignity. Anyway I think all you girls out there will THROGUHLY enjoy this and hopefully find it fun and entertaining, so please read and review. This also takes place BEFORE the season finale, but I decided Webb is kicked out of Mac's life for good. Let's say he was mauled by his cousin the weasel. Please R&R!!


1725 Romeo


Ugh, was all Harm could describe this week as. It had worn him out physically and mentally. He had a mountain of cases. Sturgis was kicking his six in an Article 32, and Mattie was mad at him for some unknown reason. Why just today he got locked out of his apartment and he realized that he had left notes on his coffee table that he needed to go over with Mac today. Thank the lord she had remembered hers. Harm made a mental note to send Mac a dozen red roses in thanks. His car had decided it was going to leak oil, which he had gotten on his uniform. Then Bud had run into him with a cup scalding coffee. So on his lunch he had to go to the laundry mat and wash it. His uniform shirt shrank a little so it was tighter across his chest. Harm had noticed that Mac's week hadn't gone smoothly either. From what she had told him one morning she couldn't find her oak leaves and the she had gotten long runs in her hose twice and with case load he was surprised at how calm and relaxed she seemed about it all. He saw her sitting in her office and decided to ask her what her secret was. He knocked softly and she looked up and gave him a slightly tired smile.

"Hi Harm, how did it go in court today?" She inquired even though she could tell by his face. Harm flopped in a chair and sighed.

"I'm getting smashed, and it isn't pretty. Can you believe how stressful this week has been? If I had the energy I would rip all my hair out." Mac leaned back and smiled.

"It hasn't been that bad. I mean we have had worse." Harm glared at her.

"How on earth can you be so calm and relaxed after this week? Mac what is your secret and would you let me in on it?" Mac gave him a small giggle.

"Okay I'll let in on it and you can help me. We will call it a sort of shadowing day where you follow me around and see how I relax, let's say Sunday?" Harm cocked an eyebrow,

"I get to help huh?"

"Yes and it's not what your thinking. Now I will come and get you at 0900 sharp and you had better be ready."

"Do I need to dress up?" Harm asked praying she'd say no.

"Nope. Jeans is fine." Harm stood up and smiled.

"I'm going to like this method right?"

"Of course Harm now go I need to make a phone call." Mac ushered him out and then picked up the receiver on her phone and punched in a number.

"Hey, Brittany I'm glad I caught you can I come in all day on Sunday… Oh that's great, I'm bringing a friend you think you can fit us in? … Wonderful I'll see you then." Mac hung up and smiled to herself. Harm was in for the most peaceful day of his life, but she wondered as she packed her briefcase to go whether or not his aviator ego would be able to handle it.

As Harm drove home he wondered what Mac had in store for him. He was praying it wasn't something exotic like Yoga, he wasn't sure he could bend his body into a pretzel like that. Knowing Mac as he did though he figured it would be kickboxing or one of his favorite sports shopping. He groaned at this thought he hated carrying around the bags the last time he had gone with Mattie and he had almost maxed out a credit card.

Harm really was acting like the typical father, always giving his daughter what she wants and not giving any argument.

Before he knew it he was standing in front of his apartment. He pulled back the loose brick and was relived to see a key there he had let Mattie use this set and if it was in the brick that meant she was either staying after school or was over at a friend's house. On this evening it was the latter he would pick Mattie up a two on Saturday, and Jen was on a date with a guy named Jason and Harm had a feeling it was Tiner but who knew. He entered and laying his things down sorted through his mail and as he heated leftover Chinese he decided that he needed some company. So he sat at his desk with some files and as he ate he punched the number one on his phone and putting it on speaker he heard a very familiar voice pick up.

"Hello Harm,"

"How did you know it was me?" He asked surprised when he hadn't even said a word.

"Well I have caller ID and I figured it was you because I had just thought of calling you."

"Well looks like we think alike." Harm chuckled. He heard Mac laugh on the other side of the phone.

"So Harm I assume you needed company tonight, let me put you on speaker…. There we are so what cases have we got tonight Flyboy?" Harm shuffled his files a bit and gave her the list.

"Harris, Drunk and Disorderly, Peterson, Conduct Unbecoming and the ever so popular fraternization case."

"Okay let's start, with the Conduct Unbecoming, oh my looks like this petty officer likes to pole dance. Didn't you try that once?" Mac teased. Harm warned her,

"Mac you know that wasn't me."

"Your six begs to differ. Now you're defending I'll give you forfeiture of pay for two months and two weeks confinement. Deal?" Harm sighed and they began to negotiate. Finally after two hours and downing the rest of his dinner he and Mac were talking about various things.

"You know I finished a book the other day Harm, I think you would like it. It was called Flyboys. I don't remember the author though."

"Mac you're just pulling my chain."

"No seriously it was really good I never thought I would enjoy fighter jock shop talk but this one had a ton of action and dog fighting I think is what it was called. One question though, what is a splash?" Harm laughed.

"Mac that is like one of the easiest ones. A splash is when you hit a bogie and it goes down." Harm answered. He still wasn't going to believe that Mac had actually read a book about naval aviators. As they continued to banter on, he saw his call light come on,

"Hey Mac just a minute I got another call."

"Alright." Mac waited on the other line, she really liked doing cases like this with Harm. It meant she was allowed to paint her toenails or file her nails while sitting in nothing but a T-shirt and underwear. She would never be able to do that when Harm was there or she was at his place. It also made it much easier to focus. Usually with Harm sitting close on the couch or leaning over her shoulder so that she could feel his breath on her skin, she found it very hard to resist the urge to slam him on the coffee table and have her way with him. She was snapped out of her thoughts by Harm.

"Mac you still there?"

"Yeah, who called?"

"Well aren't we nosy? It was Mattie, she was wondering if it was okay to see that movie um Troy or what ever she was babbling about some people. Orlando Bloom and uh Brad Pitt did you know them?"

"HARM! You don't about Brad Pitt or Orlando Bloom! They are actors and hot ones at that. I can't believe you. You have a teenage girl and you don't know who they are. Please before I faint tell me you know who George Clooney is."

"Oh know who he is, I liked Ocean's Eleven and that new one Intolerable Cruelty, with Catherine Zeta Jones. Wow what a fox!" Harm whistled. He could have sworn that he could hear Mac roll her eyes and he recovered,

"But I know someone who is much sexier."

"Oh do I know her?"

"Who said it was a her?"

"OH HARM THAT'S GROSS!" Mac shrieked with laughter, she knew Harm was joking but she couldn't help but laugh. Harm loved to hear Mac laughing, it was a wonderful sound that gave him a warm and fuzzy feeling, even though he would never admit it, to anyone. When Mac had recovered she asked him again.

"So do I know this woman?"

"Well you might, she's shorter then me has dark hair and the most beautiful chocolate eyes I have ever seen. She is tough and ready to rumble, yet can be very sensitive defensive sometimes."

"Umm she sounds familiar." Mac was blushing now as she begged him to continue so she could confirm her suspicions.

"She is also on the lookout for a good man and needs more comfortable shoes, lots and lots of them. Have a guess now?"

"Yes Harm I do and I must say I am very flattered, you certainly are the charmer."

"Why thank you Mac I thought you would like to hear that. Now if you don't mind I think I'm going to end this call before my bill goes through the roof, so goodnight Mac."

"Goodnight Harm." They both sat there waiting for the other to hang up.

"I'm going to hang up now Harm."

"Okay." He agreed.

"Okay bye Harm." Mac said again and she finally hung up as did Harm and in unison they let out a sigh then went to get ready for bed. He laid in bed for about an hour and thinking about Mac and he decided he would send her another dozen of roses, red like the first, but he would do that tomorrow.

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