Summary: Hiei returns to Kurama's apartment only to find that there is nothing to eat! Starving and home alone, he finds a cookbook on how to make Cake. Will our favorite fire demon succeed? Or will something go horribly wrong? One-shot fic.

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho or anything related to it. I just love humor and if that includes YYH, I'm there! Plus I like to write and have an evil imagination and that's never a good combo.

"Cooking To The Extreme"

Hiei sighed, muttering "stupid ningens." Kurama nowadays was making him go to school with Yusuke and the baka. The school had to be let out early due to an explosion in a lab that had 'accidentally' caught fire. Hiei grinned. He had left the group after Kuwabara made a snyde remark about how the blue uniform looked big on the fire demon and had to be rushed to the hospital due to third degree burns. "Thank god Kurama has his own house." He said.

Jumping up the nearby tree he tried to open the top story window only to find it shut tight. "What the?!" The demon started yanking on it, clawing at it, even biting it in frustration before bursting it open with a single punch. Landing inside Kurama's room, he made his way towards the kitchen as his stomach began to growl. When he approached the refrigerator, he saw a small yellow piece of paper taped to the door.

It read, "After school I'll be going grocery shopping. So I'll be late. But if the school is for some odd reason on fire and we're let out early I might not take as long, signed Kurama. "Hiei looked at the clock. "The evil school let us go about twenty minutes ago. Hell, so another two or three hours until fox boy gets home..." He yanked the door open hoping to find SOMETHING. But when Kurama means grocery shopping, he's serious. The refrigerator was dead empty. "Oh reiki no." He muttered. He continued tearing cabnet doors off, looking through cookie jars, & digging through the freezer. Even his precious sweet snow was gone!

Hiei sat down among the pile of ruble twitching. "Not even sweet snow...." Then he saw one more cabinet that hadn't been touched yet. He perked up.

Halleluiah music plays and a ray of golden light shines

Hiei dived for it, hitting his head on the door but wrenched it open to find...a book. "DAMNIT!" Hiei yelled. Then he saw the word 'Food' on it and grabbed it, peering at the title that read, 'Dessert Foods'. "What's a dessert?" Hiei asked himself. He flipped through the pages. One page, brownies, the next, pie, then something caught his eye. CAKE!

"So this is how you make the precious cake." He said. He looked over the instructions. "Flour, Water, Eggs. Simple enough." He put the book on the counter, burned all the rubble and through the ash out of the window. "There we go. Now let's see, where am I gana get some damn flour?" Then he remembered something. He disappeared into Kurama's room and came back with a pot of flowers and dumped them (including the soil) into the bowl.

"Eggs, if he had eggs I would be eating that now wouldn't I?" He grumbled. He grabbed a bar of soap from the sink and put it in. "Close enough."

"Now it says to stir until there's no lumps in the mixture..." He stared at the bowl, grabbed his Katana and started to pound the life out of it with the hilt. Each hit pounded the bowl further and further into the counter until it lay in a deep mini-crater. "Well, there's no lumps left..." Hiei said, sweatdropping. He grabbed the bowl to put it into a baking pan but found a new problem, it was stuck.

So now the fire demon had his hands around the rim of the bowl and his feet were on the shelf as he tried to pull the container out of the counter. "Maybe this stupid bowl should have been in the Dark Tournament." Hiei muttered to himself.

One hour later...

"COME ON YOU STUPID THING!!" Hiei yelled at the bowl again and oddly enough, it came right out. Thus resulting in him crashing into the wall on the other side of the kitchen. "I hate cooking..." Hiei said and picked up the bowl (which was now half-empty after spilling a good deal of it) and slammed it into the oven. "Baking pan or not I SHALL beat this even dough stuff, and make the holy cake!!"

He grabbed one of the knobs on the oven and turned it to the side, landing on 'Grill' rather then bake...

So Hiei spent the next 10 seconds cleaning up until he heard a cracking sound. He looked around, saw nothing, and continued to walk aimlessly through the apartment.

Crack Crack

"What in makai is that?" Hiei said, drawing out his Katana, the hilt still dripping cake mixture. He stalked his way into the kitchen, going quickly and quietly. He rounded the corner and...


A whole thing of hot dough hit him square in the face. He wiped it off and looked at the attacker. The oven was shooting mixture everywhere through the busted open door. Running quickly over to it he shut it close.

"Stupid ningens electronics." The fire demon muttered and started walking off when he heard a groaning sound. He looked over his shoulder right as the door burst open and a large amount of dough came lunging out.

"AAAAH!! ITS ALIVE!" Hiei shrieked and went to run out of the kitchen but was immediately drowned by the mixture. So the dough continued to toss him from side to side and it took hold of hit Katana, "NOOO!!" and threw it out the window. Just then, our favorite redhead just happened to walk in with groceries.

He didn't notice the commotion coming from right in front of him because the bags of food were blocking off his vision. He calmly put them down, turned to the kitchen and sweatdropped.

"!!" Hiei said as her resurfaced from the dough only to go under again.

"HIEI, WHAT THE HECK HAVE YOU BEEN DOING!!" Kurama shouted but the dough crashed into him as well and proceeded to burst through the front door...and hover in the air before crashing down. Passing by all 264 floors.


" least you now have TWO craters." Hiei said as he stood up, covered in the mixture. Kurama glared at the fire demon, his eyes becoming gold.

"Hiei, you have 5 seconds."