Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter...yeah...

Summary: Ron has low thoughts on himself and writes in his journal, he finds comfort in the least likely person (I'm guessing) and finds himself in a war that will now involve him. Vamps, new species, Journal manipulation (I know, so COS), and this is also a RW/JFF heh...SLASH! YOU DON'T LIKE THEN YOU DON'T READ!! (shakes fists)

Ok this is like, the first time I'm not writing a Draco/Harry fic (but they ARE mentioned in here) I just HAD to write this 'cause I felt Ronnikins wasn't getting the attention he needed (pout). I wasn't really sure which genre it best fits...it's Romance but it's also Angst/action/adventure/drama...ack, I'll go with angst...

Reason/Dumb Speech: (Looks dramatic) People always seem to make Ron the bad guy because they think he's pathetic, but what if there was something deeper? In Ron's eyes, how would you feel? Jealous of Harry? Stuck in your siblings (if ya don't have any, imagine) shadows? Ok that might have been a bit too much but that's how this fic was BORN! I've been working on this while I was in the middle of my other fic Honeydukes, anyway, here's the fic! Enjoy!

Oh and I've also turned this into a comic book, but since I don't have a scanner, I can't show it to you guys (cries)

Chapter One: First Entry

I'm beyond the control

Hiding in the shadows

Sleeping with tears

Not knowing my reason

You taste my blood

And change my life

I'm given a chance

To be proud of myself

Ok...My name's Ron Weasley and um...this is my first entry. I'm only doing this because McGonagall said something about Dumbledore saying it would release my pains...whatever the bloody fuck that means. Mum insisted too so I guess I didn't have a choice.
I'm kind of pissed doing this; it makes me feel like a girl for gods' sake! Now with that said and done I'll just excuse myself to doodle, thank heaven and hell I don't have to turn this in to anyone.


The red head looked over to his raven haired friend. "Yeah?"

"Are you writing?" Harry laughed lightly, "enthusiastically?"

"Enthusiastically? Are you mad? It's just a journal," he shrugged and dipped his quill in his ink, careful not to splotch any on his bed. "McGonagall says I have to write in one because Dumbledore said so."


The Weasley sighed and doodled a dog a bit before answering. "He says I have to release my pains, weird eh?"

"Yeah, what's weirder is that you're doing what they're saying, or is it because you have to turn it in?"

"No," he shrugged, scratching out his first doodle and starting another one, "I'm just doodling, see," he turned the book and showed the other boy his doodled page.

"Shame," Harry said playfully, shaking his head, "they gave you that book to write in and all you do is doodle."

"I wrote a little, but I changed my mind," he shrugged looking up at the first two paragraphs. "And they didn't give it to me, I bought it at Hogsmeade. The seller said it's like your best friend or something."

The Golden Boy laughed again. "You'd better be careful, it might carry an evil spirit," he hissed evilly then burst out laughing again. Ron merely smiled lightly, but it was forced, he still couldn't forget what happened to Ginny those four years ago. It surprised him that Harry could joke about it and laugh.

"Right, I'll be careful," he turned the page and stared at it. He frowned a little and dipped his quill in the ink bottle. He faintly heard Harry leave saying he had to meet with Draco. He turned back to the first page and ripped it out.

He was alone in the mid afternoon lit dorm, the smell of Saturday in the air.

Just as he was about to draw again, something inside him urged him to do the opposite, the tip of the quill touched the paper but it wasn't draging the way it usually was when someone draws.

I'll never repeat what I did in fourth year. I don't want to at all.
My name's Ron Weasley, more commonly known as Harry Potter's Side Kick or just as Weasel. I say I don't want to repeat what I did in fourth year because Harry and I had a fight, the reason? I was being a whiny git, wanting the attention he got. Sure I wanted the lime light once and a while but now, I guess I forgot to care.
All I want to know is my reason to live, don't get your hopes up, I'm not suicidal. I just want to know what I'm good at, what my strengths are.
Harry's a genius when it comes to DADA, not to mention being famous since age one and being a hero and all. Even his good looks stand above all...that sounded odd, no I don't fancy him.
Hermione, do I really have to say? She's one of the brightest witches ever to set foot on Hogwarts! And she's bloody gorgeous too!
We're in our sixth year and I still don't know my talent. Obviously I'm horrible with every class; it's amazing to know that I've passed all my exams! Flying is good and all but anyone can fly. Even Hermione, she's quite graceful too, once she stopped being afraid of the flying bit. So what if I'm the keeper for my houses team? I bloody suck! If I hadn't been given the extra hard practices we'd never reach the championships last year.
I'm ranting...and whining, so sue me! It's hard to live under the shadows of my older brothers, hell; I'm probably living under Ginny's shadow too!

'What am I doing?' thought the redhead when he looked at how much he wrote. His hand was moving quickly across the paper, already he had to turn the page. 'Jeeze I'm such a whining prat!'

You know what my problem is? I'm an attention seeking low life! I even used to pick fights with Draco before he was with Harry, yep, I called him by his first name and he's definitely with Harry. I was shocked when I found out.

'God I'm such a girl!' he yelled angrily in his head.

I didn't talk to them for days, I was so pissed! But I just decided to at least be nice to the ferret, which much to my fucking shock worked pretty well, the guy was friggin' glad to not be my enemy anymore.
Hermione's with someone too, Colin Creevey, can you bloody believe it!? I thought I'd die in horror...and sadness...ok I admit I had a crush on her for years but who wouldn't!? Did I not mention she's fucking beautiful!? I took the news of her and camera boy as nicely as I could though.
I guess I'm getting over my crush on her...oh well, I'm probably gay since I don't have any crushes on any other girls, though I'm not really sure because I've never had a girlfriend in my short existence.

"Bullocks!" Ron shouted to himself, slamming the book shut, "utter shit!" His writing hand was now aching a little since he wrote so much in his sudden spurt of anger.

There was silence, he calmed down and lifted the book. 'I have to hide this,' he thought at once, 'I can't believe I wrote this shit!' he looked around the dorm and spotted the small garbage can near his bed, he dumped the book there and left the dorm, wanting to forget what he wrote, and the why it sounded so true to how he felt.

soz it's short but....yeah...a lot of things will be overused I guess...review please?