Disclaimer: See first chapter.


Dear Eppie,

Happy birthday to a sister who, when I confessed that I was afraid to go down to the basement, took me by the hand, led me down there, tied me to one of the water pipes, and left me there overnight.

I'll never forgive you for that. I still have nightmares about it now and then. We had the scariest basement, remember? Always cold, a little damp, dark, and scary. I hold fast to the belief that if I hadn't managed to untie myself I would have been eaten alive by rats. Remember that time that you accidently locked me in there, and I saw a rat and ran headfirst into the basement door?

I'll never forgive you for that one, either.

But, despite you and your schemes, I'm still alive today. Even though you once convinced me to ride my bike without using the handlebars and I crashed, broke my collar bone, and was taken to the hospital.

I'm okay with that now.

It's been pretty slow for me here in Atlantis, except for the time that Rodney almost got me killed playing with one of his gizmos. I swear, if he ever comes near me with that thing again, I'm gonna hurt him.

But I'm better now. I regained my vision after 23 minutes of stumbling around, looking for Rodney's throat so I could choke him- But everything's all right now, so long as Rodney's on another planet. Rodney's been warned that if he ever experiments with some unknown object near me, I will not be responsible for my actions.

I was also given some time off so I can plot revenge- get some sleep, I mean. But I'd much rather plot revenge. Eppie, it's times like these that I miss you the most. You might have tried to kill me, but you never let anyone else get away with trying to kill me. How did you put it"Only I can call him dork face"?

On second thought, maybe I don't want you here. I'm having enough trouble trying to stop people from calling me the Hobbit doctor. That started when someone brought a DVD of the Fellowship of the Ring, and we found out that one of the items in the Ancient's 'living room' could be adapted to play DVDs. Then someone pointed out how much I sound like Pippin, and I've been the Hobbit doctor ever since.

At least it isn't dork face or weasel face.

Rodney, I know you're back and reading this over my shoulder. If you breath a word of this to anyone, there will be no galaxy far enough away to escape my wrath, do you understand? I might even be willing to let you keep all body parts and vital organs, if you don't tell anybody.

There, he's gone. It's cruel, I know, but it's so much fun to terrorize the lad. Don't misunderstand, he's not a bad sort, just very... arrogant. But I've already said this, haven't I?

He kind of reminds me of that kid who used to run around, parading his report card in everone's face. It was kind of fun, changing his grades so he got some B's. But he looked so heartbroken, I just couldn't let it stay that way. He didn't brag about his grades after that, though, and he turned out all right.

I'm supposed to be back in the infirmary in twenty minutes, so I'm going to close up.

For your present- Remember that time when we were making a treehouse, and you dropped a hammer on my foot, and I fell out of the tree and nearly killed myself?

I'll forgive you for that one.

Your Loving Brother,



Peoples reviewed! Thank you! That makes me feel so spe-cial and loved!

KateK: I never thought of that! I just wrote "Carson Beckett" because I wasn't really thinking about it... Oops.

Sokorra Lewis: Mckay-Beckett banter is lots of fun to write. ;-)

MyriaDragon: Yeah. The episode was sad. 'Though I was rather afraid that I'd mess the letter up...

Gater101: Thank you! I might do that sometime...