A/N: I'M BAAA-AAAAACK!!!

…Alright, alright, fine. No warm-hearted greeting for Anna, fine. Anyway, I'm back, after months and months and months of painful (and altogether rather unnecessary-don't ask) hiatus. But all of that aside, this began with a random bout of daydreaming. Not that those are, y'know, uncommon or anything. A-hem.

Strange, how my return to fanfiction isn't in the Moulin Rouge category! (Insert dramatic gasp) I know, right? This can be blamed on Sa-ra, though… I swear I'm innocent! She just… she just… convertedmetobeingutterlyandcompletelyinlovewithRemusandSiriusokay???

Aaaanyhoo, this random little ficcy is dedicated to Sara, whose random real-life line is randomly included in this random piece of pointless fluff, and it is such:

"Where is the justice? Where is the mercy? Where have all the cowboys gone???"

…You keep me laughing, my darling, and I love you.

Rude Awakenings

by RougeChic

Remus Lupin was having a pleasant dream.

So pleasant, in fact, that his mouth was slightly upturned at the corners, and every once in a while a breathy sigh would escape his lips. Yes, Remus Lupin was having a very pleasant dream.

However, what Remus Lupin chanced to awake to was… not so pleasant.

Two large, menacing, blue-gray eyes were inches from his own, staring ominously down at him, and they were… they were blinking at him!

"Wha… what the… bloody hell, Sirius, what in Merlin's name are you DOING?!"

"Shhh, Moony, there are innocent people sleeping! Be considerate, eh?" Sirius whispered, grinning cheekily down at his disgruntled werewolf lover.

"That was hypocritical."

"Couldn't help myself," Sirius said nonchalantly, shrugging. He lay down next to Remus, who quickly pulled the blankets over his head in defiance. "You looked too attractive, sleeping there with that sexy smile on your face. I needed to get a closer view."

No response.

Sirius sighed. "I think that should be against the law," he finally added in all seriousness.

Siriusness, too.

"What should?" came Remus' muffled voice, a tinge of uncharacteristic annoyance in his tone.

"Why, looking so damn snoggable, of course!" Sirius responded, yanking the blankets off the bed and tossing them outside the hangings surrounding them. He was getting quite frustrated with Remus- he went to all the trouble of waking up (actually, he couldn't sleep, but he ignored that irrelevant fact) to see him, and this- this was all he got in return? No kisses? No hugs? No lovey-dovey words of comfort and reassurance for Padfoot?

"It is tempting and teasing and mocking and downright wrong," he continued, despite the fact that Remus had just taken his pillow and shoved it forcefully over his head, face down to the mattress. "And you manage to do it without even thinking! You were asleep! You are too gorgeous for your own good, Moony… s'gonna get you into some sticky situations someday..."

"Like now?" came the muffled, irritated voice again.

A pause.

"What were you dreaming about, anyway?" Sirius inquired suddenly, sitting up.

"None of your business. Now please let me go back to sl-"

"You were moaning, Moony," Sirius said, a smirk blossoming across his face. A smirk that appeared only when clever ideas came- clever, conniving ideas…

"Was not."

"Oh, but that's where you're wrong, my friend. You were completely conked out- how would you know?"

Another pause.

"You see? He is speechless," Sirius announced smugly, folding his arms across his chest. "You were saying things, too."

"Was not."

"Was too! Something about… snogging… in a broom closet… it was very long and graphic, mind you, but as long as you are clueless about what you said, I think it should remain that way- virgin ears, y'know, don't want them to be marred by my doing- you said it subconsciously, after all, so it's not as if you know anything whatsoever about what you were saying…" It was getting very difficult to bite back his laughter. "But it was definitely about a snogfest in a broom closet…" He knew all too well he was touching a nerve. Just one more detail…

"…with Wormtail."

Remus shot up, sending the pillow flying.

"What?!?" he hissed, amber eyes wide with horror, jaw dropped in disgust.

"Oh, Moony, I know! Thank Merlin I was here to stop you before you got too far in your descriptions… it was just getting more and more disturbing… I s'pose you were recounting it to somebody in your dream, or something… anyway, I could hear people stirring, so I came to stop you before you woke anyone up and were made to face the total humiliation that would've come with everyone hearing that sort of thing-"

"You're lying."

"'Scuse me?"

"You're lying, I know you're lying," Remus said, trying desperately to stop a smile from creeping across his lips. "You rub the back of your neck when you're lying."

Sirius stopped the repetitive motion of his hand and slowly brought his arm forward in defeat. He sighed. "What can I say? You know me too well, Moony," he said, grinning impishly.

"You're unbelievable."

"Eh?"

"I said you're unbelievable! Now I'm wide awake at-" he pulled the hangings back to glance at the clock on the nightstand, "-3 o'clock in the morning on a bloody Saturday for no good reason." The smile was getting harder and harder to contain.

"What? What is this??" Sirius demanded, his voice terribly hurt and his facial expression gleeful. "I am offended! I put in all the effort of waking up so dreadfully early-" Remus snickered, "-and then go through the entire ordeal that goes into waking you up, and I get attitude? Who are you and what have you done with Remus?! How about a 'Thank you, Padfoot, now we can get a head start on our beautiful day together!' or 'Oh, wonderful, the boy I love is here so I can snog him senseless!' Where is the justice? Where is the mercy? Where have all the cowboys g-"

"Padfoot?"

The smile was uncontrollable now.

"Yes?"

"Shut up and kiss me already."

Sirius happily complied.

The kiss was soft and tender and sweet, and lasted many, many breathless moments until Sirius all of a sudden pulled away.

"Don't stop, you git," Remus groaned.

"What was your dream really about, Moony?"

"Peter."

Remus began kissing Sirius again, who broke away with a look of absolute repulsion.

"You're kidding, right?"

"Of course I'm kidding. I was dreaming about you."

"Prat."

"Twit."

Sirius grinned, realizing something.

"Y'know, you really were moaning."

"I don't doubt it."

They continued kissing.

The clock read 3:06.

In the next four-poster over, James Potter smiled.

"Stupid lovebirds," he muttered fondly.

Fin.

A/N: Title is credited to Amber, and believe me, it came a long way. ("The Woes of Remus Lupin and His Silly Boyfriend Who Wakes Him Up at 3 in the Morning"? LOL… don't think so, Sara, but nice try.) Thanks for the help!

Oh, yeah- reviews would be, um, nice.

Very nice.