"EEEEEEEEEEEK!" The ear-piercing scream echoed the walls of the Great Hall where the graduation dance was still in progress. Students and staff looked in alarm at the house elf running across the room in tears. "FRIEND OF HARRY POTTER. . .WINKY. . .EEEEEEEEEEK!" He screamed, running around in a circle in the middle of the room.

Suddenly, Ron ran through the doors of the great hall, tucking his shirt back into his pants. "Dobby! Please let me explain!" He begged the house elf. "I didn't mean to hurt you!"

"Friend of Harry Potter. . .you are bad! Very bad!" Dobby continued crying, but he had stopped his circling.

"Ron, what did you do?" Jessica asked in a very stern voice, gathering the distressed Dobby in her arms.

"It's nothing." He said before thinking about it, causing Dobby to sob even harder.

"Friend of Harry Potter betrayed Dobby." He choked out. "With Winky. She bad house elf."

Ron's face was turning red as all the attention was now focused on him.

"You cheated on Dobby?" The Headmaster asked.

Ron's eyes went downcast. "Can we please talk about this elsewhere?" Ron asked.

"I think that would be a good idea." The Headmaster replied. "Dobby, please come to my office.

"Dobby no go near friend of Harry Potter. He's a battered." Dobby said, still clinging onto Jessica who was trying to figure out what the hell was going on. Not wanting to accept the obvious.

"A what?" Dannie asked. 'That would explain it.' She thought. If Ron had been abused. . .

"He means a bastard." Draco clarified.

"Oh." Dannie replied.

"That's right. Friend of Harry Potter bigger battered than Professor Master Potions." Dobby continued, glaring at Ron.

"Dobby, please let me explain." Ron pleaded. "Just come to the Headmaster's office. We can talk there."

Dobby disentangled himself from Jessica, who was still in shock, and calmly began to walk out of the great hall, head held up high with dignity. As he passed Ron, he looked up into his eyes, and pointed his index finger at him. "BATTERED!" He snapped, and continued to make his way to the Headmaster's office.

Sitting in the Headmaster's office, Dobby had his face buried in his hands, leaning on an angered Albus Dumbledore.

"Mr Weasley." He began. "Did I not, when you informed me of this relationship, tell you that you must honour and care for Dobby?"

"Yes, sir." Ron answered solemnly.

"Than why, may I ask, did you decide to ignore that?" Albus asked.

"It was an accident." Ron said, still not able to look up. "She had been drinking, I was trying to find Dobby for a. . .celebration. Sh-she looked like she needed some comforting." To which Dobby howled in emotional pain. "I didn't mean for it to come to that comfort. Please Dobby." Dobby slowly lifted his tear stained, red eyes up to look at Ron. "Please. I'll do anything. Please forgive me."

"You are a battered who can suffer." Dobby said, surprisingly coldly. He got up from his seat beside the Headmaster, and quickly left the office.

The murmurs continued in the Great Hall. Half of the students present couldn't decide whether to be disgusted or intrigued.

"WHAT?" One girl screamed.

"Well, if the house elves will do it, why not you?" A male answered.

"You are such a typical pig." Another girl said.

"Hey! We're horny. And if you gals don't put out, we got to deal with it ourselves. Do you know how utterly unsatisfying our hands become after awhile?" Another male asked.

"All too well."

"Shut up, Pavarti." A red faced Dean said.

"You asked." Pavarti shot back. "If you are so intent on getting laid, go right ahead."

"Not like you girls would be interested." Dean replied. "You probably wouldn't even be interested to test out the house elves."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Padma asked. "Why wouldn't we be?"

"You wouldn't have that kind of interest." Blaise replied. "What could they offer you?"

"Can you honestly look at a house elves nose and ask that?"

"Come on." Draco replied. "It's not as if the size of a man's nose makes any difference. It's an old wives tale."

"And how would you know? Have you tested out the theory? Or are you just trying to convince yourself that's true?" Dannie asked.

"Hey!" Jessica shot at her. "Believe me, it's true." She winked.

"Do you love him?" Dumbledore asked.

The question startled Ron. "More than words can say." (So cliché!)

"What are you willing to do to get him back?" Albus asked.

"Anything and everything." Ron replied truthfully.

The Headmaster nodded, got up from his chair, and went to the fire place. He threw some floo powder in the fireplace. "Winky." He called, and Ron's eyebrows shot up in surprise. Winky appeared in the office, looking sober, but extremely angry and guilty.

"Yes, Headmaster sir?" She asked.

"Winky, I was hoping that you would be able to help us." Albus said. Winky looked at the other occupant of the room, narrowing her eyes somewhat. She'd heard what he said about it meaning nothing to Ron. She felt ashamed for what she had done to Dobby after all the help he gave her, and angry that she was so easily cast aside when she was in need of comfort.

"Anything for the Headmaster." She said.

"I need you to help get Ron and Dobby back together." Albus replied.

"No." Winky said. "Anything but that. I bad house elf. Dobby deserves gooder than that battered."

"It's bastard." Albus corrected. "He deserves to be happy with the one he loves. Ron loves him. I know they can be happy together." Albus replied. After a few minutes, Winky reluctantly nodded.

"I will help, Headmaster sir." Winky said. She than turned to Ron. "But if battered does anything to hurt Dobby." And she gave him her most threatening glare. "House elf or not."

"Understood." Ron said. "And Winky?"

The house elf stopped before entering the floo network to leave. "I'm sorry." Ron said. Winky gave no reply, but made a hasty exit.

Staring at the fireplace, Ron heard the Headmaster say, "Well, let's make up our game plan."

"Where do we start, sir?" Ron asked. "It's not like I could make the relationship public like Dobby always wanted." His eyes went downcast. "I was planning on announcing it to everyone and let him know that I am not ashamed as he accused me of being once."

"When did he want the relationship to be public?" Albus asked, curious as to when it actually began.

"A few months ago." Ron said, missing the disappointed look of the Headmaster at not finding out more details. "Headmaster?"

"Mr Weasley?"

"I was wondering, since Dobby is a free house elf, and if I am able to win him back, would I be able to make our relationship official with him?"

"You really do love him." Albus said. Ron nodded. He looked lost, but knew that if there was no getting Dobby back, it was entirely his fault. "As you've told me. But if it's progressed that far, I'm sure we can find something."

Ron smiled half heartedly. "So, where do we start?"

"With you." Albus replied. "Than we could get some outside help once we establish a direction to go."

"But who would help besides you and Winky? It would have to be someone who can understand the kind of reactions that Dobby and I would receive. Someone who knows how it can be to receive those unbelieving and disgusted glares, but not care about them." Ron paused. "Hermione!" He jumped from his seat, and went to yank the office door open. The door knob fell off and Ron landed on his butt.

"Mr Weasley. I suggest that you let her be this evening." Albus said. "I have a feeling that she is in no mood for any additional company than what she has at present."

"I don't want to think about it." Ron replied, shaking the image of a naked Snape out of his mind.

"Severus." Hermione said to the man drizzling warm chocolate sauce on her breasts, and gently spreading it around.

"Hermione." Severus imitated.

"I thought you didn't like chocolate." She said, watching him blow the chocolate so that it hardened against her skin.

"I don't like chocolate syrup." Severus replied, giving Hermione his fingers to lick the chocolate away. "But I do so happen to have acquired a taste to chocolate covered Hermione." And he began to nibble the thin layer beginning at the base of her throat.


I'm sorry to start on such a heart wrenching and short note. But, on a lighter note, a friend of mine asked the doctor how you can really tell the size of a man's Oscar Myer Weiner.

It's actually proportionate to the length from the tip of their middle finger to where the palm meets the wrist.

Now, how many guys out there are admiring their hands? How many are sitting on them?