A Single Word
By Maddy

Summary: Buffy sends Angel a letter. Set after Riley left. B/A.

Rating: PG

Spoilers: Nothing specific.

Timeline: Sometime after Riley left. Disclaimer: Own nothing at all.

Feedback: Yes please.

Author's Notes: I've had this on my computer for a while now. I was going through files and found this so I'm posting it.


I don't know why I'm writing this. Does anybody know why, when their brain deserts them and heads for the hills and leaves the heart in charge, they do stupid thing? No, probably not, not with any logic anyway. Look, already babbling. Sometimes it seems I can't stop, babbling I mean. You always used to tell me that when I babbled, I looked cute. Do I still look cute to you? Or beautiful? Do you even think of me anymore, or am I just referred to as the 'ex.' Which I know I am, but it still hurts to be known as your 'ex.'

How did you do it? Leave me. Where did you find the strength to turn and walk away without saying a word? In the end you were always stronger than me, emotionally anyway, 'cause physically, I could still kick you ass. I'm proud of you, as corny as they may sound, but I truly am.

To remember al of what your demon has done, and you still had the strength and courage to get out of bed in the morning, or evening as it were. That is true strength, not what the Powers That Be gave me, that's supernatural, it's magik.

But not you, you're real and true. Strange how the things in our lives can be divided into reality and the supernatural, when our reality is the supernatural. You were never false to me, you were as real as the love I have for you. In my eyes you were magick, but not in the way most people might think. You are a miracle, my miracle...a miracle is a bit like magick.

Wow, I really have been babbling. Am I cute yet, or do I have to go on? I'll settle for beautiful. I want to be beautiful to you again. I want you to listen to me babble, ramble and carry on. I want to talk to you everyday, but not over the phone. I want to see you smile just slightly, and for my heart to skip a few beats.

Is it so wrong to want to be with the man I love? To have his arms wrapped around me? To hear him whisper 'I love you' in my ear? Am I a too horrible person, have I done something wrong?

I want to be happy again, but the thing I've wanted most, I can never have. You, I have always wanted and needed. You, Angel.

I want my life to be with you...

I won't try to pretend to understand if you don't want to be with me. I'm past trying to understand pretty much anything lately, things happen for a reason and we shouldn't read too much into them. We happened for a reason, Angel, and I don't think it was so we would have to leave each other, to have loved and lost.

We're more than that, we're soulmates. We're meant to be together for the rest of our lives. I love you, my angel. I guess I'm hoping you still feel the same. Don't leave me without a response, tell me directly, over the phone or by letter. I don't care, but don't pretend I never sent this letter to you and that you never read it. Don't break my heart again.

I've asked a lot of questions in this letter, but I have one more: Do you believe we'll be together again someday?

I love you. I always have and I'll never stop...

Always your girl Buffy

I sat starring at the finished letter and at the numerous drafts that were quickly abandoned. This is it, I told myself, the wonderful and dreadful moment of truth: to send or not to send, that it the question.


Have I finally cracked? I'm thinking yes, but it's amazing, I don't feel scared or worried. I feel excited and full of adrenaline.

My hands are shaking as I fold the letter and put in an envelope and addressed it to the Hyperion Hotel in LA.

Walking out to the letter box was easy, putting the letter in the mail box, a cinch. Putting up the little red flag made me slightly giddy.

Smiling broadly, I turn and walk back into the house.

I waited five days for a reply. A single word.


Okay, tell me what you think. There will be no more to this, but I wanted to post it. So please review.