Chaos Theory

By TheLostMaximoff

Disclaimer: Don't own these characters. R/R if you like tragic love stories.

It's going to rain. I can feel it in the air. It's holding back though. The sky is very good at keeping its sadness in check it seems. I suppose I am too given the fact that I have yet to shed any tears. I know I am sad, sadder than words can describe. I didn't know I felt this way about her. I knew we were friends but I didn't realize that her death would leave me so hollow, so empty. It's like something inside me collapsed and is sucking everything else in with it.

I loved her. I thought that Star had all of my heart but Raven took a big piece of it when she left. We always had a connection and a deep understanding of one another. We respected each other and had a familiarity with each other like siblings would. She could understand things no one else could. She knew about loneliness, isolation, loss. She knew about holding things inside and letting them build up until they almost crushed you under their weight. She knew all these things and without her I feel all those feelings to the thousandth degree, to a degree where I'm not sure I can function as a person anymore much less a team leader or a hero.

Am I a hero, really? If I was such a hero then why couldn't I save her? I should've been there. She invited me to go with her to a café. I think maybe it was her own way of asking me out on a date. Star and I were dating, still are I guess, so she couldn't really ask me out properly. I wanted to go, really, but I was busy. Yeah, busy. Too busy to spend time with one of my best friends. Some friend I am, I can't even cry at her funeral. She went alone to the cafe just like always. Everything was normal, so normal. It's weird how things can suddenly come out of nowhere. I heard about it on the news. We all went to the hospital. She stepped out into the street. Such an average action, really. And then it happened, happened so quick she didn't have time to use her powers and save herself. It only took five seconds. A car came out of nowhere, its driver under the intoxicating effects of alcohol. Wham, bam, so very sorry ma'am. Some hero's death, huh? We made it to the hospital too late, too late to say goodbye. They had just covered her when we came through the front door.

It feels strange to stand here and know that your teammate, your friend, is in the ground beneath your feet. I should get used to this I suppose. They'll all leave me eventually. I should just suck it up and hold it inside like I do everything else. I stare up at the sky. Come on, damn it. Just get it over with and rain for God's sake. I stare back at the tombstone. Everything seems so out of place. Is this all just a nightmare? If I wake up from this will she be alive? If I could I would wake up. I would run into her room and crawl in that lonely bed of hers. I would tell her how important she is to me. I'd tell her that I loved her.

I feel something fall on my shoulder. I can always tell when he's around. He likes to appear and disappear without anyone knowing he was ever there but I know when he's around. I was trained to do the same after all.

"It never goes away, does it?" I ask him. The famed Dark Knight of Gotham City looks down at me. There is something about his face. There is no stern, cold look of disapproval. There is something that looks like sadness, like sympathy even.

"No," he replies honestly, "You try to run away from it or push it away but in the end you still feel it on some level." How? How can either of us continue to go out and save lives when nothing will ever bring back what was lost? How can I try to make a difference when such random shit can take someone's life at any given moment? Millions of people have walked across that street safely; probably hundreds do it every day without thinking a second thought about it. Why did she have to be the one to die?

"I wanna kill him," I tell Bruce, "I wanna murder the guy driving that car."

"I know," he replies, "but nothing will happen. Raven won't magically reappear and, trust me, you won't feel any better about what's happened. The only thing you can do is mourn her, Robin. From what I've been told she was a good teammate and friend. You owe her that." I feel him leave. I stare at the tombstone again. I feel something trickle down my cheeks. I slowly remove my mask for the first time in a very, very long time. I do not bother to wipe away the tears because I know it is a pointless act. I let the pain and hurt flow from my eyes. I loved her, loved her more than I ever knew. I hope she's happier now. I hope some day I can love someone again as much as I loved her. I feel something drip on my head. It's starting to rain. I stand quietly at her grave and continue crying, not caring that I should be seeking shelter. It begins to rain more steadily now. I smile a little bit. I'm not the only one who needed to let things out. I stand at Raven's grave and as I mourn her death, the sky cries with me.