Kiss Away My Tears By Inwe

Tears fell from under her hood that hid her tear-stained face. Like a torrid of rain, they fell onto a sharp shard of glass from her wardrobe mirror she had just smashed. It teased her, gloating over her. 'You're nothing. You're ugly, worthless, forgotten. Who would remember you if you disappeared. Can you think of anyone?" She couldn't argue with the voice in her head. Her fist was still bloody from the impact, soaking her white sheets with blood, losing their pure whiteness just as Raven had lost her own years ago. She had always been the cynic, the one who rarely smiled, but deep down she used to be content... what happened? She couldn't remember any specific time that it had started, nor could she remember the first time she had picked up her razor in the shower and left a straight, 3- lined scratch across her forearm. However, it didn't really matter now. It was all going to be over in a few short minutes. Why should she wonder about the past?
She twirled the shard around in her fingers, ignoring the prick of the sharp edges against her skin. Many times she had thought it over, conspired ways to do it, to end it, but now that she was on the brink of self-destruction she couldn't remember any of the schemes she had come up with over the months. Suddenly, her mind was a blank, and she started hesitatingly at the reflective glass in her hand. She took the shard and made a thin slice down her left leg in frustration. No, she could still do it. She still had her control. Now large splotches of the sheets were stained bright red, but in the darkness of Raven's room they looked like great, gaping black holes onto nothingness. She glanced at her alarm clock, which shed a dim red glow on her bed. 2:34 AM: everyone else was asleep. Thinking about everyone else brought a renewed flash of pain to her thoughts. Would they be heartbroken, devastated? Would the care that she was gone? Once more she thrust her thoughts aside. Robin and Starfire won't miss me, she thought, I've seen the looks they give each other. As long as they have each other they don't need me. Then she thought of Cyborg and Beast Boy. As long as they have their gamestation they won't need me either, she thought, grinding her teeth together. They were supposed to be her friends, so why was it Raven always seemed ignored?
Enough self-sympathy, Raven thought, get it over with. She held the shard in her left hand and turned her right arm over, exposing the soft, thin skin of her wrist. This was it. Goodbye. br
Beast Boy pranced down the hallway in cat form – it was easier to see in the dark if you had feline eyes. Milk, milk milk, he thought, a nice glass of milk will get me to sleep. Beast Boy was suffering from a case of insomnia for some odd reason, unable to get to sleep. Some unknown thought nagged at him in the back of his mind, and try as he could he couldn't shake his brain out and go to sleep. He trotted down the hallway, a green tabby cat in the night, but as he passed Raven's room his sensitive ears picked up the sound of stifled sobs and the scent of salt and... something metallic? His eyes widened and he changed back to his human form and knocked on Raven's door. "Raven?... Rae?" No answer. Seriously frightened, Beast Boy turned into a heavy draft horse and with one powerful hoof kicked the door open, breaking through lock and all. There was Raven, hidden behind her hood, sitting on bloody sheets and holding a shard of glass over her wrist. There was broken glass everywhere – she had broken the large mirror above her dresser. Raven's fist was practically shredded and he could see a thin gash down her exposed leg.
"Close the door!" She hissed, and he turned back human and closed the broken door, which swung reluctantly shut on wobbly hinges. He turned back around to look at Raven. She looked back with teary red eyes. He was ready to cry himself.
"Raven... why?" She sighed and shook her head.
"I don't know. Does it matter?" She had an edge to her voice. She never wanted anyone to find out – especially Beast Boy. Over the months she had taken so much care to hide it, and now here he was, standing in her room looking at her with a pained and scared expression. He walked over to her, taking no heed when she drew back to the head of her bed to stay away, leaving a smear of blood in her wake.
"Of course it does. Did something happen?" She shook her head with a sad smile. He walked over to her bed and sat at the foot. She visibly recoiled. "Why can't I get close to you Raven? Why do you shrink away?"
"Look, Beast Boy, I'm not supposed to be here. I don't fit in. Just let me get away, and then you can all forget."
"No! Raven, we all care about you! You just seem to like being alone, so we leave you alone-"
"Look, Beast Boy, does it look like I like it!?" She waved her scarred arm in front of his face, and he blanched, but she didn't care, not now. "You and Cyborg are always hanging out, and Robin and Starfire... I am just sick of being the odd one. I'll just leave. Four's an even number."
"Rae... if you don't want to be the odd one, you don't have to be. I- "
"What?" She looked up at him, anger still smoldering in her eyes. He pulled her hood down, revealing her tear-streaked face that was still wet. He raised his hand and held her cheek. The anger was replaced by surprise. "Beast Boy, what are you-"
"I'm sorry. I'll go," he said quickly, removing his hand and getting off the bed, but Raven caught his hand, looking up at him with renewed spirit.
"No, what were you doing?" she asked more softly. He sat back down slowly, both of them cross-legged on her bed. He looked down at his legs and then up at her face. Now here was an awkward situation...
"I was just, um, touching your cheek. You looked so sad." Her happiness vanished, and she shook her head. I was a fool to think it was anything, she thought, mentally kicking herself. Why was she even thinking that anyone would have an interest in her? Pale skin, haunted eyes, half- demon... what was there to like? "Rae, are you jealous of the way Robin looks at Star?" Her eyes snapped back at him.
"Now why would that be? Is there any reason why I would envy a beautiful Tamaranian with long, silky hair and tan skin who has no trouble attracting boys? Why would I be jealous?" Her sarcasm stung Beast Boy, who flinched visibly.
"Rae... no, you don't look like Star." Raven looked about to snap, but Beast Boy continued. "There is something better about you. Your eyes, your voice, just you... There's no one else in the world who can smile on a rainy day, the silver sky reflecting in her eyes..." He stopped, blushing bright pink and clapping a hand over his mouth. Why the hell was he such a big mouth? Raven was just looking at him with a slightly stunned expression. His face burnt with humiliation, just waiting for her to scream at him and kick him out of her room. But she never screamed. She just stared at him with the same shocked expression, mouth slightly agape, appearing to be frozen in place. "Uh, Rae, can you say something? I'm kinda hanging here." She snapped out of it, looking at him with a renewed, soft expression that made Beast Boy's heart skip a beat hopefully.
"Beast Boy, I don't know what... Wow, I have no idea what to say. Um," she licked her lips nervously. She wouldn't have admitted it, but she had always liked Beast Boy, moreso than the other Titans, and now was her chance to do what she had always dreamed of doing. She was a little shocked at herself that she could go from almost killing herself to being happier than she could remember in the space of a few minutes. She looked at Beast Boy's hopeful expression and licked her lips again. Here goes nothing. She leaned in and kissed Beast Boy softly, not quite knowing what she was doing or whether Beast Boy would even want it. She pulled back, and looked at Beast Boy, who had his head still tilted slightly sideways and his eyes closed as though savoring the moment. His eyes opened and he looked up at her with somewhat clouded eyes.
"Wow, Rae, it's my turn not to know what to say, but-"
"Beast Boy?"
"Yeah?"
"Shut up."

She moved in again, this time quicker and having a vague feel for what she was supposed to be doing. His lips were wet this time, and the kiss was smoother and longer, not quite as dry or hesitated. Then his mouth opened slightly and she could feel his hot breath in her own mouth. He put his hands around her waist and pulled her closer to him so that they didn't have to bed over quite so far, and she put her hands behind his neck to pull him towards her. Without thinking she slipped her tongue in his mouth like the girls did in Star's romantic novels (that Raven wouldn't admit she actually read) and he opened his mouth in slight shock at the feeling. She would have smiled if she could, but as she was her lips were a little preoccupied. He pulled away gently.
"Rae, um, your cape is kinda in the way," he whispered huskily, his eyes asking for permission. She nodded, and he unclasped it. It fell in a heap behind her, leaving her in her leotard and belt. "The belt?" Again, a nod. He unbuckled it. Just the leotard. He was in his pajamas, but Raven assumed that she was allowed to take something off him, too. She started to unbutton his pajama top to Beast Boy's shocked pleasure. "Is it in your way?"
"No, it's just my turn." He was a little wowed by how she went from her reclusive, sulky personality he usually saw to this playful and passionate one. Of course, he had seen all her moods before...
She slipped off his top and encircled his bare shoulders with her arms, resting her head for a moment on his shoulder. She concentrated for a moment, whispering. "Azarath metrion zynthos." Her dresser moved in front of the door with the broken lock. He turned around for a moment.
"Um, good idea. Rae, do you want to-" She pulled back and shushed him, kissing him again, quick and hot. He pulled away and trailed kisses down her cheek, neck, and shoulders. He slipped the collar of her leotard off one of her shoulders and kissed it softly. She curled up in his embrace, crawling onto his lap and straddling his legs. The blood was dry already, brown and old. She felt hot between her legs, and it was throbbing, not painfully, but incessantly all the same.
"I want to." Beast Boy didn't even need to ask what. He slipped her leotard off of her other shoulder and pulled it down off her arms. She then pulled her arms out and he took it down over her stomach and down to her legs. She sat down on his lap so he could get her legs out, which made him extremely nervous, nothing separating him and her but his pajama bottoms. "My turn," she whispered, and she got off him. He kneeled, and she slipped his pants to his knees slowly. His heart was pounding a million miles an hour. He guessed hers was, too. She looked at his groin with a slightly shocked expression, and Beast Boy cleared his throat nervously. She looked up at him and smiled, just as nervous as he was. Then he sat down and she pulled the pants all the way off. She straddled his legs again and kissed him, and he was more than acutely aware of the fact that her skin was on his. Slowly she pushed on his chest and he was lying down, her straddling his stomach. She kissed his chin and his neck, and when she wasn't expecting he rolled over so that he was on top and she was on bottom.
"I win," he whispered in her ear. Then he turned serious. "Are you sure you want this Rae?" She nodded, her eyes bright unlike he had ever seen before. "It might hurt..." She nodded again, biting her lip as if to say 'I'm ready'. "If it hurts you too much, I'll stop, okay?" She nodded again, waiting patiently for him. He took a deep breath and shimmied down so they were eye-to-eye. She gave a nod, and he entered.
He went slowly, painfully slowly at first. Raven cried out, but Beast Boy covered her mouth, knowing that the other three Titans slept just down the hall. Her face contorted in pain, but also pleasure, and he was too wrapped up to have stopped even had she asked. In the middle of it all some of the furniture creaked and the shards on the ground flew into the wall as if magnetically attracted to it. Apparently Raven was having trouble controlling her emotions, specifically passion. It didn't last as long as they would have thought, less than half an hour. Though Beast Boy tried to wait for Raven, he couldn't hold out. It was over in what seemed like a few moments, and they lay in each other's arms on Raven's bloodstained bed, which may have been a little more stained now that it was over. They were both sweaty, but still they huddled close.
"Rae, I'm sorry I couldn't-" Raven kissed him, effectively making him mute.
"It's okay. I can wait until next time," she whispered, putting her head in his chest. She was tired, so tired.
"I love you, Rae," he whispered. She didn't answer. He looked down at her in his arms and she was fast asleep. He smiled and rested his head on the pillow, falling into a deep dream. br
Star was up. Cyborg and Robin may have been deep sleepers, but she wasn't. She heard a short scream and sat bolt upright. Was something wrong? She got up and looked around. Robin was asleep in his bed, as was Cyborg, but when he checked Beast Boy's room he wasn't there. She pondered this, looking around the tower before going to Raven's room. Could it be? No... could it?
She tried to open the door, but all it did was wobble on loose hinges. Since when was Raven's door broken? There was something blocking it, but Star was strong enough to push the door open silently despite it. She gasped sharply, but didn't wake up Beast Boy and Raven, who were both naked, lying in each other's arms, no less in a bed covered in blood. She stood there gaping for a full five minutes before realizing how much she was intruding. Blushing profusely for walking in on the two, she slid the dresser in behind her and closed the door. She thought for a moment. The last thing BB and Raven needed was Robin and Cyborg on their cases. She smiled, getting an idea. She flew to Beast Boy's room and went through his closet, taking out the extra sheets and pillows and putting them in his unmade bed. She pulled the blankets up over the bed up and over the pillow. There! It looked kind of like Beast Boy, albeit a lumpy one. She admired her work for a moment before leaving the room, leaving the door open enough for a passerby to spot her artwork. When Robin and Cyborg stumbled out of their rooms in the morning they wouldn't notice that BB was a little lumpy, and that would at least give the two of them a fighting chance to escape unnoticed the next morning. She flew back to her own room, getting in bed. She sighed thinking back to the pair of them. She hoped that someday that would be her and Robin. Um, but minus the blood. br
The next morning Raven woke up first, at first alarmed to feel herself encircled by someone's arms, but she remembered it was Beast Boy. Memories came flooding back to her groggy mind. She gasped when she realized what had happened last night. Had she been out of her mind? She looked up at Beast Boy, fast asleep on her pillow, a slight smile gracing his lips. She grinned. No, she hadn't been out of her mind. He stirred and came to, stretching and them stroking her back, legs, and stomach. She practically purred, pressing up against him as he stroked her bare body. She felt a bulge against her lower back, and her eyes widened for a second, realizing what it was. It didn't bother her for long, though, as Beast Boy proceeded, stroking her inner thighs. She sighed, for the first time in her life in a safe and perfect bliss.
"Beast Boy, you don't think that there will be a... a baby, do you?" She hadn't thought of that before. He looked troubled, for a moment halting in his attentions, but she whined cutely, looking up at him, and he started again.
"I dunno, we will just have to wait and hope. I'm sorry."
"Don't be. It was me as much as you. I don't regret it at all." She smiled, then looked over to the dresser blocking the door. "Wait, wasn't the dresser facing the other way last night?" Yes, it was. He turned around and looked.
"I dunno, was it? Did someone come in?" They looked at each other, worried. "Speaking of that, how are we getting out?" br
Raven snuck out of her room, her outfit on and looking as normal as possible. She was leaving first, and Best Boy would look both ways and leave about 10 minutes later. There was a little pain between her legs, causing her to walk sort of funny, but she tried to pass the other Titans' rooms nonchalantly. When she passed BB's room there was something in his bed. She stopped, more than a little startled, and went in his room. She walked over to the bed and uncovered it. Sheets and pillows, who had done that? Not Beast Boy...
Starfire passed the room and saw Raven looking at the bed. "Raven, recover the bed!" Shocked, she did as she was told. Starfire beckoned her downstairs, and Rae followed. Busted. They both plopped down on the couch. It was a beautiful, fresh morning. Raven looked at Starfire, dreading the upcoming conversation. Star had a knowing grin on her face, her eyes sparkling.
"I saw you and Beast Boy last night, Raven. Are you protected?" Raven raised one eyebrow. "Did you use a... Greek horsey thing?" Raven was baffled for a moment, and then caught on. "It's called a condom, Star. No, it wasn't really... planned." Her cheeks burned red talking to Star about it, who looked a little worried.
"We shall have to make sure you are not with baby with a test later," she stated. Then she lost all seriousness, her eyes lighting up. "Oh Raven, what was it like?" Raven stuttered for a moment, but then Beast Boy came down the stairs, yawning.
"Hey Star, what's up?" He asked. Star beamed up at him. "Uhh... Star? You're creeping me out.."
"It was Star who came in last night Beast Boy," Raven stated frankly. Beast Boy recoiled and turned a pretty shade of pink.
"You didn't... tell anyone did you? What did you see?" He looked at Raven worriedly.
"I told no one. I made it look like you were still sleeping in your bed last night. I didn't see... much." She didn't mention the blood. There were some things that shouldn't be asked. As it was both Raven and Beast Boy were blushing furiously, but still sneaking each other cute little glances, only making Starfire smile more. "I knew you two would." Beast Boy and Raven looked at each other. Even they hadn't known they would! "Oh, don't look so surprised. It was pretty obvious to me."
"Just like you are Robin?" Raven asked slyly with a crooked grin. Now it was Star's turn to blush. "I just can't believe we beat you to the punch."
"Raven, that's so dirty!" Star said, blushing brightly. She took a pillow and whacked Raven in the head.
"What was dirty?" Cyborg asked, coming down the stairs. The three of them looked up at Cyborg with horrified expressions.
"Um, Rae told a dirty joke." BB said hurriedly. The three then rushed to get breakfast. Cyborg looked dumbfounded, shrugged, and went to get breakfast, too. br
Raven was the brightest any of the Titans had ever seen her. She seemed to have a bounce in her step all day. While Robin worked with Star on her English Raven even played video games with Cyborg and Beast Boy. She was pretty good.
"Damn Rae, where the hell did you learn to play video games?" Cyborg asked incredulously. Raven just smirked and shook her head. She wouldn't admit that she snuck down here when she couldn't sleep sometimes, playing the gamestation to take her mind off the razor in the bathroom. BB and Cyborg never stood a chance. Raven kicked their butts every time.
Lunchtime rolled around, and the five titans went to get lunch at the pizza place. When Robin and Star had first come out of Star's room after lessons Raven could see that Star's eyes were a little glazed, and her lips a little to red to have just been practicing English. Raven and Star flew behind as the other Titans walked to the pizza place. "What else were you practicing besides English, Star?" Raven asked slyly. Starfire blushed.
"Nothing. You presume much, Raven. We practiced only English."
"English my ass," Raven said, grinning widely. She knew she had Star.
"You have changed so much, Raven. I believe that Beast Boy is good for you." Raven nodded, but wasn't going to be side tracked. She bothered Star all the way to the pizza place, but Star wouldn't crack. The five of them inhaled two pies before wandering, bellies full, back to the tower.

/center

Two weeks passed pretty indifferently. Raven was good at hiding things. The other Titans saw no difference between Raven and BB. Oh, but the difference to her! She smiled, and she and didn't stay in her room, preferring to spend time with the other titans rather than spend the day meditating. Then one day Starfire came home after doing the weekly shopping and she shooed Raven into her room, following her with a bag. Star locked the door (which had been fixed) and turned on Raven, who was sitting on her bed looking slightly alarmed. Starfire took a pink package out of the bag. "Raven, we must see if you are pregnant."
"No way, Star. I don't feel any different."
"The weird cravings? Throwing up?"
"I'm throwing up because I'm eating more than I used too. I feel better full, too."
"Raven, we must check. I think you might be. I know Beast Boy has spent more time in your room, too." Raven blushed. "Hide this under your cape and take it to the bathroom.
"I have NO idea how to use it!"
"Just follow the instructions, Raven!" Star pushed her out the door and Raven sulked to the bathroom. Beast Boy was coming out just as she went in.
"What's up, Rae?" He asked, seeing her face and a small bulge under her cape. Raven sighed exasperatingly and showed Beast Boy the package. He turned bright red and she put it back under her cape. "What is THAT for?"
"Star's making use it. She thinks I might be pregnant, so she got me a pregnancy test."
"We always used, um, protection after the first time. Do you really think we might've-"
"I dunno, Beast Boy. That's why she's making me check." He gave her a swift kiss on the forehead and wished her good luck. She smiled, kissed him back, and went into the bathroom. She put the package on the sink and sat on the toilet, glaring at it. She finally took out the instructions, sighing when she saw what she had to do. She did the test and put it in the sink, waiting to see the results. It was supposed to take no more than ten minutes. She waited, a nervous knot in her stomach, thinking about what would happen if she had a baby. She wouldn't be able to fight crime for about a year, and then she would have to take care of it. What would the others think? What would Beast Boy think? Most importantly, what would the child be like, the son or daughter of a telepath and a shapeshifter? Finally she went to check the test. It was pink. What the hell did that mean? She checked the instructions and almost gagged at the results. Positive? What the hell?! She rushed back to her room, where Star was waiting like an anxious mother hen.
"Well?" Raven took a deep breath and told her.
"I'm pregnant."
"What?!" Here, I bought more. Just make sure. This time Raven didn't even bother going to the bathroom. They waited for the results. "What are we going to do, Raven? You're only sixteen!" Raven shrugged, still in shock at what was happening. Starfire echoed what Raven herself had thought about in the bathroom, but Raven could only stare dumbfounded at the tests, waiting for the results. Pink, pink, pink.
Shit. br
They decided to tell the boys that night at dinner. There was no point waiting. Star and Raven stayed in Raven's room the rest of the day, thinking about how life in the tower would be changed forever. The only question was how.
Cyborg called "Dinner, girls!" and they walked down the stairs very slowly, only prolonging the inevitable. "It's gonna be cold before y'all get down here!" Cyborg exclaimed impatiently. They hurried down the stairs. There were hot dogs for dinner, and a tofu dog for BB. Dinner was quiet as usual. Everyone was too hungry to waste time talking instead of eating. It was in the middle of dinner that Star cleared her throat and all the other Titans looked up, except Star, who looked down at her feet. She knew what this was about.
"Raven and I have an announcement." The three of them continued to eat while waiting for the news. "I am honored to say that Raven is pregnant." The three of them choked on their hot dogs, their eyes as wide as dinner plates.
"WHAT THE FUCK?!" Cyborg exclaimed, "By who?!" Beast Boy scrunched down in his seat a little and cleared his throat, putting his hand halfway in the air. Cyborg just stared at him, mouth open. "I don't believe this shit." Robin was frozen, staring at Raven with a look of pure astonishment. Raven sighed.
"Robin, I'm not gonna have it right here in front of you." He shook his head.
"I'm sorry, Rae. It's just... that's the last thing I was expecting to hear. They heard Cyborg mutter 'That makes two of us', but no one paid any attention. "When did this happen?"
"Um, about two weeks ago..." Beast Boy said, blushing furiously. Cyborg and Robin both were still disbelieving.
"Are you sure?" Robin asked incredulously.
"Yea, Robin, I am! Do you think I would be telling you if I wasn't?!" Raven yelled, sick of this.
"I'm sorry, it's just, this will certainly change things around here forever, and you are gonna be out of commission for a long time, and I know Beast Boy won't want to leave you alone too much. So this affects all of us. A lot. But I'm behind you, Rae, no matter what."
"You know I am, too," Cyborg muttered, looking up at her. "Friends are friends, no matter what happens."
At this point Star, Raven, and Beast Boy were all smiling. Star sighed, "You know it wouldn't be bad having a baby of my own..." Robin squeaked, and everyone looked at him.
Cyborg laughed, "I know about this shit! Pregnancy is contagious! Pretty soon we are gonna be surrounded by little Stars and Ravens flying around all over the place!" Everyone laughed. At least it went better than everyone had thought it would. Nine months, Raven thought, nine months.

A/N: First chapter, over and done! Please R&R. Oh, I am gonna have fun figuring out what the kid will be like. If anyone has suggestions you can leave a comment. Thanks for reading!