Hey Arnold on Whose Line is it Anyway?
Hey Arnold on Whose Line is it Anyway?
***Disclaimer: I don't own this stuff, so don't sue me!***
***2-8-01: Fixed the mysterious bug making the text overly large. It should look tons beter now. ~PS***

Marty: Hello, and welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway, the improvisational comedy show where everything's made up and the point's don't matter. With us tonight, we have our favorite country boy from the city, Stinky Peterson, everyone's favorite main character, Arnold, our favorite poetic pugilist, Helga Pataki, and finally, our favorite person on the brink of madness, Sid. (Applause) Let's start off tonight with a game called Questions Only, which is for all four contestants, with Helga and Arnold up first.. In this game, you can only speak in questions, and if you screw up I'll buzz you and the person behind you will replace you. The scene is you're arguing if Arnold was safe or out in a stickball game.

Arnold: Was I safe?

Helga: Don't you know?

Arnold: Would I be asking if I knew?

Helga: Would you?

Arnold: I don't kn…crap. (Steps back, replaced by Stinky)

Stinky: So was he out?

Helga: How should I know?

Stinky: Weren't you playing first base?

Helga: I…uh..darn. (Steps back, replaced by Sid)

Sid: Where's she going?

Stinky: Didn't she tell you?

Sid: Why would she tell me?

Stinky: Aren't you her boyfriend?

Sid: How could you tell?

Stinky: Don't you listen to Rhonda's gossip?

Sid: Since when did you hang around Rhonda?


(Marty hits the buzzer)

Marty: Ok, that was great. (Laughs) Ok, now on to our next game, Superheroes. This is also for all four contestants, and Sid will start, and others will enter one at a time, the previous one giving the new one a name. Now, what kind of superhero should Sid be? (Audience yells suggestions) Trouser man? (Laughs) I like that, we'll use it. Now, what's the crisis tonight? (Audience yells more suggestions) The world's supply of apple butter has run out? (Laughs) Ok, Sid is Trouser Man and the world's supply of apple butter has disappeared. Sid, carry away!

Sid: Wow, these new polka dotted trousers sure feel good! I better check out the World Crisis Monitor. Boy howdy! The world's supply of apple butter has disappeared! I hope my other superhero friends arrive soon!

(Helga walks in)

Helga: I'm sorry I'm late, I had to go to a yoga class!

Sid: Thank goodness you're here, Rhyming Girl! The world's supply of apple butter has disappeared!

Helga: Oh, not the apple butter, too! Now what will the apple farmers of the world do???

Sid: I don't know, we can devise a plan when the others arrive!

(Arnold enters)

Arnold: What seems to be the problem, guys?

Helga: Thank god you're here, Bad John Wayne Impressionist Boy! The world's supply of apple butter has disappeared, doi!

Arnold (In slow southern drawl): Sorry, pilgrim, a cowboy has more important things to do than save apple butter. I had to save Wyatt Earp from a bunch of Injuns.

Sid: Let's stop arguing about this and save the apple butter!

(Stinky enters)

Stinky: I'm sorry I wasn't here earlier, I thought today was my day off! Say, those are purty pants Trouser Man!

Arnold: Look, pilgrims, it's our partner Goat Man!

Stinky: Wow, that newspaper sure looks yummy! (Starts eating an imaginary newspaper)

Helga: I can't stand working for people who don't need my rhyming skill. I'm gonna go work on King of the Hill! (Leaves)

Arnold: Sorry, pilgrims, the wild frontier calls. Giddy up, Lightning! (Rides away)

Stinky: It looks like I'm no longer needed here. Say, Trouser Man, can I have this newspaper? Thanks! (Walks off)

Sid: Well, you win some, you lose some, I guess. I'm off to the Trouser Emporium! (Walks off)

(Marty rings the buzzer)

Marty: Thank you Sid, I'll be sure not to call if the world runs out of apple butter. (Audience laughs) Ok, next up is a game called Film and Theater Styles, and this game is for Sid and Arnold. Can I please hear some suggestions from the audience? (Audience yells suggestions) Ok…Rugrats…Dragon Ball Z…Crocodile Hunter (Laughs)…Junkyard Wars…Sesame Street…Pokemon. Ok, the scene is you're on Elk Island searching for Wheezin' Ed's treasure. Take it away, boys!

Sid: Boy howdy, are you sure about this, Arnold?

Arnold: There is no ghost! I honestly don't think there's even a treasure, this was your idea!

Sid: Watch out, a snake!

(Marty hits the buzzer)

Marty: Crocodile Hunter.

Arnold: That's a deadly water moccasin! Be careful, one bite from it can be deadly!

Sid: Wow!

Arnold: They are really rare and especially dangerous in these parts, so…

(Marty hits buzzer)

Marty: Pokemon.

Arnold: I'll use my Charmander against it! Charmander, go! Charmander, bite attack now!

Sid: This is stupid, we don't do anything!

Arnold: You're right! Why do we even like it? Let's kill it ourselves…

(Marty hits buzzer)

Marty: Dragon Ball Z.

Arnold: And if we don't, Gohan, Piccolo, or Trunks will, because they always with their fights!

Sid: Yeah! We need to meditate and prepare to attack!

(Marty hits buzzer)

Marty: Sesame Street.

Arnold (High pitched voice): But violence is wrong! Let's try to talk out our differences with Mr. Snake and not resort to violence!

Sid (Also high-pitched voice): Yeah! (Walks forward & bends over) Excuse me, Mr. Snake, but can we talk and not…ouch! Mr. Snake bit me!

Arnold: Wow, he isn't very nice, is he? He and Oscar could be friends!

Sid: Arnold…my head doesn't feel too good…(falls down)

(Marty hits buzzer)

Marty: Ok, I think that's enough, Sid wins that round. Now it's time for our last game, Party Quirks, in which Helga is the host, and the rest of you are guests with unusual personalities listed in your envelopes. Ok, go!

Helga: Well, everything's ready. I hope my guests arrive soon!


Helga: Hello, Sid, how are you?

Sid: (Supposed to be a southern Baptist minister) I'm fine and well, Sister Helga! Let's all praise the Lord in song to thank for this gathering! When the saints come marching in, Oh when the saints come marching in…

Helga: Thank you for coming, you…black preacher? (Marty sounds the buzzer, audience applauds) (Doorbell)

Helga: Hey Stinks, glad you could come!

Stinky: (Supposed to be intrigued by lighting systems) Gawsh, Helga, thanks for inviting me! You have a migh…wow! This is a right purty chandelier you have, Helga! What wattage of bulbs do you use, 15? You'd be more energy efficient if you used 25 watt bulbs instead!

Helga: Thank you for the tip, Mr. Electrician! (Marty hits buzzer)

Marty: Oh, so close, he was intrigued by light systems!


Helga: Arnold! I'm sooo glad you could come!

Arnold: (Keeps dying and being reincarnated as different animals) Well, thanks for invi…(Falls over, and gets on all fours) Moooo! Mooo…(Falls over and gets up on all fours again) Meow! Meow! (Falls over, gets up again) Bark! Woof!

Helga: Uh…he's dying and being reincarnated! (Marty hits buzzer)

Marty: Well, by the looks of my scores, I believe Sid is tonight's winner! Well, for Sid, Stinky, Arnold, and Helga, I'm Marty Green, good night!