Something to Live For

by Serena-chan

A/N: Well, I return from a long writing hiatus to bring you this angsty bit of fluff. R/R!!!!

Mary Jane Watson looked up at the stars above her. She was standing in her apartment, leaning on the edge of her window, and thinking about her love.

It had been over three months since Peter Parker had turned her down. In that time, she had tried to get over him, she really had, but failed miserably. Every time she thought she'd left her feelings behind her, all it took was a brief glance of him or a few words over the phone to send all the pain and longing hurtling at her. Truthfully, her love for him seemed to be deepening with each passing day, only making the pain intensify to unbearable levels.

She was startled out of her thoughts as a police car raced by on the street below, it's siren turned up full blast. She watched with mild interest as more police cars appeared on the streets below her, their sirens screaming and their lights blinking. All too soon, a familiar figure was seen web-slinging though the maze of tall New York apartment buildings, heading towards the police cars.

Spider Man. He was a different matter all together. She had, at one time, had a tremendous crush on the masked super-hero. Of that she was certain, but she was never sure if she actually had loved him.

She'd given up all thoughts of Spider Man when she discovered her love for Peter Parker. A love that was as pure and wonderful as it was heartbreaking and painful. Still, every time she saw her mysterious hero, she couldn't help feeling her heartbeat speed up like it had in the past, making her feel horrible guilty. She should be able to give all her love to Peter instead of getting all excited over a past love.

Tears welled up in her eyes as she peered out over the city. She wished she could just die right there and end the agony. She got no rest from the excruciating pain, even in her sleep. Her dreams would replay that horrible moment in the grave yard over and over until she woke up with her pillow drenched in tears.

Everything in her life was going wrong. She was running on no sleep, and as a result, she'd almost gotten fired from her job at the diner on more than one occasion. She seemed to have lost all passion for acting. Why act out another person's love story when she couldn't have one of her own? Her entire life seemed to have come to a stop, with only a few words. The thought of living like this for the rest of her life made her head spin so badly that she had to brace herself on the window ledge to keep her from slipping and plunging to the streets below.

She gazed down at the street five stories below her. How easy it would be. The window only came up to her waist. All she would have to do was lean forward just a little. . . No! She shouldn't think like that, should she? Did she really want to end her life just because she couldn't have Peter Parker?

A frightening sort of calm came over her as her heart whispered the answer: Yes. What did she have to live for really? Who would miss her? Not her parents, that's for sure. . . or Peter who had been trying to pull himself completely out of her life. Harry? . . . maybe, but he was too deep in his obsession with trying to find out Spider Man's identity. . . Spider Man, would he miss her? Probably not. To him, she was probably just another person he had rescued.

Going through the list of people, she realized that was it. All her friends from high school had gone in different directions. She hadn't heard from them in almost a year. All the people that she had spent her life caring about really didn't care that much for her. What was the point of living if you spent your entire life giving out love but never receiving any in return?

Pulling herself up on the edge of her window, she stared out over the wide expanse of the city, taking it in for the last time. Her last thought before she let herself fall, was of Peter.

Tears flowed from her eyes as she fell. Down, down, down. She squeezed her eyes shut at the sight of the ground growing near her.

Peter, I love you.

Suddenly, there was a strong arm around her waist that stopped her from falling downward and started pulling her up, up, back up towards her window. Spider Man swung through her bedroom window, bringing her with him. He laid her shaking and crying form on her bed, kneeling beside her.

"Are you okay?" He asked in a panicked tone, "Did you fall? MJ, say something!"

She still hadn't opened her eyes although a steady stream of silent tears were flowing from them. "Why didn't you let me die?" She finally whispered.

"What?" He was sure he hadn't heard her properly.

"Why didn't you let me die?" She repeated, slightly louder this time. "Why do you want me to live my life in pain."

"You mean you falling wasn't an accident?"

"Just leave me alone!" She rolled over with her back to him and started sobbing uncontrollably.

"I'm not leaving," she heard him say firmly. "I can't leave you like this any more than I can let you kill yourself. So I'll stay here until you're ready to talk." He hesitantly reached out and rubbed her back reassuringly until her crying diminished to small sniffles and gasps. "Are you calm enough to talk now?" She rolled over and nodded, gazing up at him through still-teary eyes.

"Did you really try to kill yourself?" He inquired. She looked away from him uncomfortably, but eventually nodded, a few tears rolling down her wet cheeks. "Why?" His voice was monotone. It was impossible to tell what he was thinking.

She was silent for so long that he thought she wasn't going to answer. Just as he was about to say something else, she burst out, "Because Peter Parker won't love me!" She leapt out of the bed and into his arms, needing to be close to someone and almost knocking him over in the process. She sat in his lap like a little girl and sobbed into his shoulder.

"MJ," Spider Man's voice was choked with emotion, "Peter does love you, as a friend."

"Then why is he avoiding me? Why isn't he acting like the friend he says he is? He just said that to get rid of me!"

"No! He. . . he just doesn't want to see you get hurt."

"That's a laugh," she said bitterly into his shoulder. "Can't he see what he's doing to me by staying away? He's hurting me worse than the Green Goblin ever could. I just wish I had died when the Goblin threw me off the bridge. Then I would never have to hear Peter say that he didn't love me."

"You can't mean that!" Spider Man's voice was desperate now. He snaked his arms around her waist and held her protectively. "MJ, you have your whole life ahead of you."

She straightened in his lap to look at his face. "My life ended the day Peter didn't return my love," she said, deadly serious. Spider Man's shoulders seemed to be shaking, almost as though he was crying. "Spider Man?"

"MJ. . . there's something I want to show you," his voice had an odd rasp to it.

She moved from his lap to sit on the bed as he stood up. His hands moved slowly up, and she gasped as they rested on the end of his mask and began to pull it up.

Her brain seemed to freeze. There, standing before her was her own Peter Parker, his hair rumpled from the mask and his cheeks wet with tears.

"Peter," she whispered.

"Now do you see," he said, tears streaming down his cheeks. "Now do you see why we can never be together?" He moved towards her and knelt down, taking her hands. "I can't put you in that kind of danger, MJ. I do love you, I love you with all my heart and soul. I want to protect you. I want you to be safe, and if that means that I have to keep my distance, then so be it."

She stared into his eyes for the longest time. Different emotions chasing their way across her face. Finally, she said quietly, "Peter Parker, with all your intelligence you certainly are being stupid about this. Don't you see that in denying me you're causing me more pain?"

"I do now," he whispered hanging his head.

She reached down and put a hand under his chin to make him look up at her. "Peter, I'm a big girl. Why don't you let me make my own decisions for a change instead of treating me like a child?"

"What is your decision, MJ?" He whispered.

"My decision hasn't changed just because I know you're Spider Man," she said, smiling and crying at the same time. "I love you, Peter. Nothing could ever change that. Don't you understand? You give me something to live for."

His voice trembled with emotion as he said, "I love you, Mary Jane Watson." She grabbed the front of his Spidey suit and pulled him into a passionate kiss. It felt as though both their hearts had exploded with happiness. Finally, no more sleepless nights, no more tears. Finally, they could just. . . live.