Title: See me, Hear me, Forgive me?

Author: Silvi

Disclaimer: Sadly I don´t own them. They all belong to Joss and gang. I´m just playing with them for awhile. The song "Nobody Wants to Be Lonely" is taken from Ricky Martin´s album ´Sound Loaded´ and it belongs to Desmond Child, Victoria Shaw and Gary Burr, I think, If I´m wrong Please let me know...

Category: Angst, song-fic

Rating: PG

Pairing: Angel/Cordelia

Spoilers: None.

Status: complete

AN#1: Just a tiny notification - Angel can sing at least a little better here than in the canon. Think of his voice as soft tenor. This takes place somewhere after the Beige- period and it´s rather AU. There are no spoilers here! It´s a fic-let and I don´t really know where in the canon this takes place. Though Lorne hasn´t had his place destroyed or whatever.

AN#2: This is an old story that I have decided to put up here as well. It´s not one of my better ones but here you have it. Enjoy!

[italics] indicates thoughts. [- -] indicates lyrics.

Summery: Angel tries to make things better and ask for forgiveness the only way left for him.


& & & & &

Caritas was unusually crowded tonight with humans and demons mingling about together. The hostility the different races normally held against each other seamed to be non-existent as soon as they walked on the premises of the Karaoke club. Though that had more to do with the charismatic Host then the actually spell the place was under. Apart from one solitary figure hiding at the back of the club patrons were laughing and having a generally good time. They even applauded, if not enthusiastically than at least politely, at some of the more horrendous performance given so far this night.

The dark figure wasn't even paying attention to the numbers the crowd had gone into. He was nervously and anxiously scanning the mass for the only sight his heart longed to see and the sole reason to why he even was contemplating doing as the host had advised him to do earlier this evening.

Turning around he came face to face to his green coloured friend and for not the first time he wondered how the creature's choice in dress never gave him a headache. But to each his own. He looked once again out over the crowd but still he couldn't find her. A nagging and ugly thought surfaced up in to his mind that maybe she wouldn't come. -After all, perhaps she had found out who wanted her to be there tonight, or maybe she got attacked and was laying somewhere deeply hurt and he wasn't there to save her! - The panic started to flow through his veins as the demon in him began to share his hard denied worry.

A hand startled him out of his panic and he once again turned to his friend. He couldn't keep the worry out of his voice though as he voiced his thoughts to the inquiring eyes of the Host.

"Angel, muffin, she'll be here. I have made sure of that, and no she doesn't know why, just as you requested."

Lorne gave him a reassuring smile. He never really liked seeing Angel in pain, and that not only because it usually gave him a head-ache they way he broadcasted things but also because he had come to care for him as a friend, a real one at that.

"Maybe I shouldn't do this." Angel said his voice strangely flat and non- reflective of his inner turmoil.

"I mean we both know how not good I am at this, and it can still get worse." A frown appeared between his brows as he contemplated. "Though I can't see how."

"Angel, you'll do it because you love her. I know that, your friends know that. It's pretty much common knowledge." Lorne wouldn't let him get out of this one even if he had to chain him up on the stage. Hmm, now that's an interesting image.

"It is?" Now Angel became even more worried and he would have started to pant had he had any need for breath.

"Well, not exactly." The calming voice of the host did wonders for the frazzled nerves of Angel. Things have gone really cold between Angel and his seer and it was tearing him up inside.

He had tried to apologize, anything to make things better, but to no avail. It would help if he only knew what had gone wrong in the first place. And Cordelia´s damn pride made things even harder. The only thing left for him now is to try to make her realize what she really means to him. He really couldn't go on as things were now and it didn't make things better that both Wesley and Gunn had chosen sides, even though reluctantly. He hadn't even been aware that there were sides to chose!

His demon was well on board on that things got to change, though he was furious to what Angel had as a plan of attack. He was all for the make that damn bitch know who's the man, err...demon in the relationship. ´ not the wimp Angel was going to make them look if he carried out his plan. Not even Angel's comment about that they had already tried his idea -with disastrous consequences I might add - could quite down Angelus grumble. The memory of that particular event only served to make him growl at him.

Lorne's pat on his shoulder made him turn outward again. Lorne now seeing that he had Angel's full attention again advised him on making himself ready to go on stage, as it shouldn't be long now, before going off to mingle with the patrons. He threw a large encouraging smile over his shoulder to Angel startle question.

"You're leaving me?"

"You're a big boy cup-cake, I think you can handle it." Before Angel could say anything else Lorne was swallowed up in the crowd. Any grumblings coming from Angel was cut short as he caught sight of the person walking in from the doors.

She is beautiful tonight - he thought, even though his seer had chosen to dress rather modest in a blue dress that was tied behind her neck and had no sleeves. Her hair was piled up on her head and she had barely any make up on.

Angel could see Wesley and Gunn walking in behind her; both looking confused which confirmed to Angel that they really didn't know to why they were here. Lorne really came through this time.

He could see Lorne walking up to them and directing them to a good table not very far from the stage which he had had reserved for them. He received a knowing glance from him and a short, barely perceptive nod towards the stage.

Taking a deep breath, Angel squared his shoulders and began walking towards the stage. He could have sworn he had bats flying in his stomach, he was that nervous. Under the short walk he gave himself a pep talk since his demon couldn't be anything but pessimistic about the whole thing. The gang had as yet to see him, though some of the other patron had and was looking wondering at him since his distaste to perform in Caritas was well known.

He had decided on what song to sing a long time ago, and to what he was sure to be a surprise to Lorne since it was not a Manilow- song. He did know others and even liked them. This particular was something he felt connected to from the first time he heard it even though the singer wasn't someone he care much about.

As he stood on the stage the crowed started to quite down and he could see the realisation hit Cordelia as she finally saw him. She glared cold at the Host and stood to leave but Lorne put a hand on her shoulder and pushed her down whispering fiercely in her ear. Crossing her arms she stayed put staring strait ahead looking at no one.

Angel could see the understanding dawn on Wesley and Gunn was as readable as a rock. The music started up as Angel took sit on a stool. He looked nervously out over the crowd; he could from the corner of his eyes see the surprise in Lorne´s face as he recognized the music, before firmly planting it on Cordelia. He knew she could feel him watching her and he hopped she would just look at him so she could see the truth in his eyes. But she stubbornly refused and if possible her back got stiffer.

- There you are

In a darkened room

And you´re all alone

Looking out the window

Your heart is cold and you lost the will to love

Like a broken arrow -

His soft tone carried over the suddenly quite room, but Angel was way beyond noticing anything other than the brunette sitting in-front of him, who still refused to meet his gaze. Please Lia, just look at me -. Angel tried to implore her. He refused to acknowledge that her refusal deeply wounded him.

- Here I stand in the shadows

Come to me come to me

Can´t you see that -

Wesley began to get suspiciously moist in the eyes and he tried discretely to wipe them, while Gunn tired to make himself as little as noticeable as possible, a dark blush creping over his cheeks. As the chorus to the song was coming up Angel put all his self in it. Everyone was captivated of the scene and nobody really cared that on a few notes he broke. This was by far
the best performance the vampire with the soul had given.

- Nobody wants to be lonely

Nobody wants to cry

My body's longing to hold you

So bad it hurts inside

Time is precious and it's slipping away

And I've been waiting for you all of my life

Nobody wants to be lonely so why

Why don't you let me love you? -

Cordelia finally looked at Angel and she was caught in his eyes. - Can´t you see we are wasting time here, how could things had gone this bad? You took me out of the shadows I was in and unfroze my heart. You gave back my will and courage to love again, why do you want to break me now? - Angel tried hard to show Cordelia how he felt, though he had no idea if he was getting through to her, as she gave away nothing.

- Can you hear my voice?

Do you hear my song?

It's a serenade

So your heart can find me

And suddenly you´re flying down the stairs

Into my arms baby -

Cordelia eyes were big and bright and her hands were clasp hard together in her lap but other wise there were no indication that she was listening. Can you hear me, Lia? Can you find me? Would you try? I've dreamt of you flying into my arms but they have been nothing but fantasies up to now. Would you change it if you could? - The demon in Angel was unusually quiet and still. If he could he would have been holding his breath in anticipation and nervousness because perhaps this could work, maybe he has a chance to be with his chosen mate. He began to fantasize about the reunion between them and the future, the soul joined him but more reluctantly as nothing was set yet, this could still backfire.

- Before I start going crazy

Run to me run to me

Cause I'm dying -

- Can´t you see what you are doing to me Lia? You are hurting me worse than Buffy ever did. Hurry up to me. I can't see you running, why aren't you running? Can´t you hear how true the words are? - As Angel still couldn't read Cordelia his heart grew heavy and sorrow weighed on his mind, his demon though refused to give up that easily. Wesley put an arm on Cordelia´s frozen frame.

- Nobody wants to be lonely

Nobody wants to cry

My body's longing to hold you

So bad it hurts inside

Time is precious and it's slipping away

And I've been waiting for you all of my life

Nobody wants to be lonely so why

Why don't you let me love you? -

- What are you afraid of Lia? Why won't you let me love you? - Angel couldn't but not ask himself and wonder to the mystery the young women had become.

- I want to feel you deeply

Just like the air you´re breathing

I need you here in my life

don't walk away don't walk away

don't walk away don't walk away

No no no no... -

He envied the cloths she wore since they could be close to her, he envied the air she breathed cause it could feel her soft lips and he in many ways hated her because she had become so important in his life that without her the world became a more horrendous place to be and one he had no interest in living in. - Don't give up on me Lia, not even when I'm being over the top. Believe in me because if you don't, how can I believe in myself? - As the final verse came Angel finally closed his eyes and with all his being he sang.

- Nobody wants to be lonely

Nobody wants to cry

Nobody wants to be lonely

I don't want to be lonely

Nobody wants to cry

I don't want to cry

My body's longing to hold you

I'm longing to hold you

So bad it hurts inside

Time is precious and it's slipping away

And I've been waiting for you all of my life

Nobody wants to be lonely so why

Why don't you let me love you?

Why don't you let me love you?

Why oh why why why why why? -

As the last note rung out Angel opened up his eyes and looking at Cordelia he waited. The crowed was silent for a while before breaking out in applause and cat waling. Angel stood up and gave a small smile to them but he soon retuned his attention towards his seer. Lorne standing by he too waited. Wesley and Gunn seam to know that something important was about to happen so they too stayed silent. Slowly Cordelia stood up and just looked at Angel her face impassive.

As the moment passed by and nothing happened Angel shoulders started to crumble and his eyes shun. Cordelia still stared at him though she didn't really seem to see him. Looking over at Wesley and Gunn Angel could see the beginning of sympathy going over their faces. Lorne though had a frown settling over him. As Cordelia suddenly seamed to focus on him her eyes grew wide but Angel couldn't take it any more and swiftly turned around on his heal ignoring Lorne´s shout. Gunn moved towards him but before anyone of them could blink Angel was out the back door.

The stench of the alley would normally have bothered his sensitive nose but he was to wrap up in his pain to really notice it. It felt like his heart was breaking and he had a strange feeling of choking. The demon in him was also radiating pain, as he couldn't understand the rejection or anything of what just happened in there. Everything was supposed to have gone fine, that was the reason why he went along with this idea to begin with!

Angel stumbled along to the mouth of the alley scaring the rodents away and kicking some cardboard boxes away from his path. He had one hand clutch over his heart and the other supporting him against the dirty wall. Tears were spilling over his cheek and his own quite sobs drown down the opening of the back door. He didn't hear the footsteps that came closer and closer to where he was so it startled him when he felt a hand hesitantly touching him on one of his shoulders. Quickly he dried his face with the back of his hands and turned around.

Narrowing his eyes he said one word that hung in the heavy silence of the alley.

" You".

Fin.