Disclaimer: Just a little one-shot that I wrote in the early hours of the morning. Amazingly enough, a LXG story that is not about Tom Sawyer. From me. Shocking or what. As always, I don't own anything in connection with the League or 20th Century Fox or Alan Moore. Some inner musings from our good Doctor... Hope you all enjoy this!
::Who Am I?::
Who am I?
Who indeed. I often find myself wondering, pondering those three little words. In my mind I can hear Edward laugh, telling me that he knows who he is and he is quite proud to tell me. He is a monster, something from the deepest, darkest corners of the human mind, the boogie man. I wish I could believe him but the truth is I don't. I used to, once, long ago. It was not long after Edward had first been... created.
I believed him to be simple, a monster with just one purpose – to destroy. Yet in my time with the League, he has done things I did not believe him capable of doing. He saved us all when the Nautilus was sinking. He fought against the Fantom's men and tried to save Captain Nemo. Then there are his confused thoughts when it comes to Mrs. Harker. Yes, that's right, Edward is confused about something. Part of him would like nothing better than to rip the woman to shreds, to hurt and kill her. Yet another part of him lusted after Mrs. Harker in a completely different way. He... he almost cares for her, if such a word could be used in the same sentence with Edward. He roars inside me as I think this, denying that such... tenderness exists in his mean frame. Even so, I think he would risk himself to help her. No, Edward Hyde is no longer a single, one dimensional character. He has sides, shape, substance. I can't pretend that he is the dark to my light, not any more.
If people ask, that is what I say. That Edward Hyde is the evil side of Henry Jekyll. That every dark thought I have is fed to him and that he is what I would be if I was evil. Yet how can that be true? Edward proved that he had some good in him and it is possible that once day he may be more good than evil.
If he has good in him then that must mean that I have evil in me, evil that does not belong to Edward but is, instead part of me. Does this mean that I am capable of the same crimes that Edward committed. That if I put my mind to it, I too could cover my hands in blood, blood that even though it is washed away from my hands would never stop staining them. No! I cannot accept that. Edward's crimes cannot be repeated by anyone... normal. It is impossible to believe such a hideous thought. But even so I wonder... what would I be like if I didn't have Edward to hide behind. Any angry word, any wicked deed, I can pass off as his work, or the fact that I was not concentrating on the person I was talking to, but instead battling with my inner demon.
The fact remains, that somewhere, in the dregs of his... soul? I don't know if he has a soul, or even if he is real... maybe this whole thing is simply a dream, the League, Hyde, everything he did... maybe I am simply... ill.
As wonderful as this thought is, I know in my heart that it is wrong and that I am living the real world... so back to the problem of one Mr. Edward Hyde. As I started to say before, the fact remains that somewhere in him, in what I will call for now his 'soul', is some sort of urge to do good, and however faint it may be, it is still there.
If he has good in him then that must mean that he is a separate person, abet a separate person trapped in my body and mind. So where, in all this, do I fit in? I created Edward, he is part of me and yet... not. He comes from my flesh and blood, but a new person, a new life...
Does this mean that he is... my son? A son I am ashamed of and a son I fear, but still my son. Come to think of it, most people react negatively to their sons. Is this the right way to think of him though? I used to think of him as nothing more than a monster, but as I have already stated before, such a thought is now erroneous. I... I do not know.
In some ways, such an admission hurts me more than anything Edward could say or do. I am a man of science! I seek out the truth and try to understand it. To say that I do not know something as simple as who Edward Hyde is... it is a insult to everything I stand for.
I find myself doubting that as well. The statement that I am a man of science. A doctor. Well, I am, aren't I? So that answers my question of 'Who am I'?
No... no, it doesn't. I would be a fool to believe in such an easy answer. I am a scientist, but such a fact only goes part way to explain who who I am. In fact, all it really does is explain what I am. So what if I am a scientist, or a doctor. Take my title away and you take that away and I still don't know who I am.
I am lost... naked under the spotlight of my own mind. Lost and I don't know where to turn. God, is there anything in this whole wretched swamp of confused thoughts that I do know? Anything that I do understand? I don't know what Edward is, who he is. I don't know who I am... I don't know anything... well, I don't know anything of any importance. All these thoughts in my head... the same as they were yesterday and I know that come tomorrow night I will experience the same thoughts and reach the same, unsatisfactory conclusion. All I do know... is that I don't want to be lost anymore. I want to be me, whoever me is. But the question remains;
Who is Dr. Henry Jekyll?
And there you have it. Please leave a review and let me know what you think!