Ok, this is a pure Gaara-comedy thing. If you don't like it, blame my sister. She told me to do it. (Why she can't just do it herself is beyond me) She got the idea from this morning, when our brother was watching Blues Clues, and she was like, "You should write a fan fic about Gaara watching Blues Clues." So I did. Sorry for the OOC-ness. There's probably gonna be a lot of that... Oh, well, I got nothing more to say, so ON WITH THE FIC! (rubs the bump she has on her head for blaming her sister)
Gaara glared at his brother and sister. "Where are you going now?"
Kankurou grinned nervously. "Just to get food."
"We'll be back in about a half hour," Temari said, not as nervous as her brother, since she, at least, knew that Gaara wouldn't kill her. After all, if she was dead, who would buy Gaara his coffee? God knows Kankurou wouldn't remember. "Don't go anywhere while we're gone, ok?"
"I'm going, too." Gaara stood up.
Kankurou and Temari looked at each other. The last time they'd taken Gaara food-shopping, he'd nearly killed the sales people for supposedly ripping him off on the price of a pound of coffee beans. "You know what, maybe you should just stay here," Temari said, a little nervous now.
Gaara gave her a look. "Why?"
"Well..." They exchanged a look again.
Gaara looked from one to the other. "Well?"
"It's sort of a two-person job," Kankurou said carefully.
"Then you can stay home."
"Well, I sort of need the bigger of the two of you to help me carry things," Temari said gently.
Gaara stood looking at her for a moment. During said moment, Temari and Kankurou's entire lives flashed before their eyes as his milky green eyes narrowed. "Fine." He sat down on the couch.
Kankurou and Temari went temporarily bug-eyed. "W-What?"
"Go." He stared at the TV, which was off at the moment, but apparently enormously interesting.
They looked at each other. "Hey, Gaara?" Temari said, feeling she might as well make it fair. He made an "I'm listening, so keep talking so I won't get bored and squish you" noise. "I'll make a deal with you."
Kankurou starred at her. "A deal?" both brothers said at once.
"Yeah. If you stay here, and not get into any trouble, I'll bring you back some nice, strong coffee." She smiled, sweating slightly.
"That's too easy," Kankurou said, frowning. "He does that all the time. Look," he said, turning to Gaara and picking up the remote. "If you watch..." He flipped through the channels until he came to the one he was looking for. "...This show until we get back, I'll find you the strongest stuff they got at the store, ok?" He put the remote down.
Temari raised an eyebrow, starring at the TV. "You gotta be joking..."
"I kid you not, big sis," the puppeteer said with a grin. "What do you say, Gaara?"
Gaara, however, wasn't paying attention. He was starring at the screen with a look of both horror and disgust. "What the hell?!"
"Kankurou, that's just wrong," Temari said, frowning, once they left the house. "What kind of evil brother are you, making a psycho watch Blue's Clues?"
Gaara starred at the TV long after his siblings had left. The show Kankurou had asked him to watch started out with some guy asking where his dog was. Apparently, the dog's name was Blue. Gaara wondered who in their right mind would name their dog Blue... until he actually saw the dog.
OH, MY GOD! Shukaku screamed.
The dog was, as his name said, Blue. Very, very, very blue. As soon as the dog came into view, every single object around the house suddenly burst into joyous song.
"Whoever created this program has an even sicker mind the I do," Gaara said in awe.
"Hey, Gaara!" Naruto popped up in the window. "What's up?"
"Shut up, I'm winning a bet." Gaara's eyes stayed fixated on the TV.
"A bet...?" Naruto looked at the TV, going classically bug-eyed when he saw which show. Turning back to his red-haired fellow demon vessel, he said, with slight concern, "Gaara, dude, buddy, mate, chum, I knew you were messed up, but that much?"
Gaara gave him a death-glare, then went back to watching. "IT'S A FLUTE, FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD!" he shouted suddenly at the TV.
Naruto left shortly after, deciding it would be better to leave well enough alone, for once. Gaara didn't notice, however, as he was now currently wondering if the decidedly insane man in the TV was blind. Even GAARA knew the blue paw print was on the duck.
"I wonder if Gaara's killed the TV yet," Kankurou said absentmindedly, picking out some canned soup.
"I can't believe you did that," Temari said, examining a case of oranges.
"Yeah, well, call it revenge." Kankurou put some soup in the cart Temari had next to her. "Besides, he might come out of it knowing some nice, friendly songs."
Temari gave him a look. "Or, he could want to kill you in unusual ways," she pointed out.
Kankurou paused, in a sudden cold sweat. "Oh, yeah."
Gaara peeked out from behind the sofa, trembling slightly. "That mail box is talking!" he whimpered slightly, as the time for "Mail Call" came along.
"Hey, look, we have a letter from our friends!" the man in the TV cried, pulling out a bloated envelope, which opened to a mini TV.
"HOW CAN YOU HAVE ANY FRIENDS?!" Gaara shouted at the TV, totally confused. "YOU LIVE IN AN ANIMATED WORLD IN WHICH YOU ARE THE ONLY LIVING CREATURE!"
"But seriously," Temari said, looking through a box of fruit. "You may have single-handedly stolen what's left of his childhood."
"Don't worry about it," Kankurou said casually, getting some bottles of fruit juice. "I watched Blue's Clues all the time when I was a kid, and I turned out ok."
Temari looked at him out of the corner of her eye, taking in his cat-eared hood and face-paint. "You sure 'bout that?"
Meanwhile, a certain baby brother of theirs was beginning to wonder if any form of coffee was worth watching a children's show.
Now that Mail Call was safely over, Gaara was now seated on the sofa, clutching a pillow to his chest, while the man (I don't know his name, I don't watch the show) figured out the third clue.
"Ok, let's see," the man said, sitting in his Thinking Chair and holding his notepad. "We have a duck," a drawn picture of a duck appeared over his head, and he looked at it, "A farm," another picture appeared.
"HOW CAN YOU SEE THESE PICTURES?!" Gaara shouted, clutching the pillow for dear life.
"And a piano." Gaara hid his face in the pillow to avoid the disturbing picture. "Now, what could these things stand for?" The man began to think.
I think his Thinking Chair is defective if he has to think that hard on it, Shukaku contemplated.
"Come on, let's go," Temari said, picking up one of the bags and leaving the supermarket. Kankurou nearly fell over backwards until the weight of the fifteen shopping bags she had left him to carry.
"Out of curiosity, why are YOU only carrying the CEREAL?" he snapped, turning slightly so he could see her.
"Because you're the guy and I'm the girl and girls have nails and I just painted mine," she said sweetly, showing him her dark green nails.
Kankurou gave her a look of pure disgust.
Gaara starred at the TV, where the man was still trying to figure out the three clues. "Oh, for the love of coffee, it's Old MacDonald!"
How do you know that?
Kankurou sings in his sleep, Gaara thought simply, while the man figured out the clues, and the whole house burst into joyous song. At one point, the man asked Gaara to join in dance (A/N: I'm not familiar to the song, so I made this up), while doing a sort of jig. Gaara raised a nonexistent eyebrow. Join in that freak in a happy dance? Oh, no, not if Gaara could help it!
I wonder how many poor children have fallen for that, Shukaku pondered.
"Hey, Gaara, we're back!" Temari called, setting her bag on the table.
"So, Gaara, you enjoy the show?" Kankurou asked, dropping the bags unceremoniously on the floor.
Gaara turned to look at them, still clutching a pillow, his eyes blood- shot.
"See, I told you he'd like it," Kankurou said, picking out one of the cans of soup and fishing out a pot from one of the shelves. "I completely liberated him!"
"Yeah, well, you better un-liberate him and find him that coffee you promised him," Temari said, beginning to put the food away.
Kankurou froze, halfway through opening the can. "I thought you got it."
"No, you said you were gonna get it, so I didn't," Temari said carelessly. After all, it wasn't her life that was on the line.
Kankurou looked over his shoulder at Gaara, who was giving him a glare powerful enough to stop trains. "Oh, snap," he whimpered.
"Kankurou," Gaara growled in a deadly calm voice. "Where. Is. My. Coffee?"
"Ok, yeah, see," Kankurou grinned sheepishly, clapping his hands together. "It's a funny story, really. Heh. See, the coffee, see... um..." He glanced around quickly. Gaara stood between him and the window, which was currently his only escape, as he was across the room from the door. "Yeah, the coffee, um, didn't want to leave the store! Yeah, that's it." (Smooth move, genius.)
Gaara raised an eyebrow.
"I hope you're happy, Temari," Kankurou said out of the corner of his mouth.
"Well, I am pretty much a happy person," she said casually, tossing the rest of the cans of soup in the fridge. "I think it comes from within—"
"If you hadn't picked me over him, this wouldn't have happened!"
"Um, you know what, I think you have bigger things to worry about," Temari said, looking over Kankurou's shoulder.
"Kankurou...!" Gaara growled, advancing.
"ACK!" Kankurou dodged him, jumping over the couch. "Gaara, I'm—I'm sorry!"
"I watched SINGING PICTURES for that coffee!" Gaara roared, running after him, his sand not an option, as his gourd was in his room, lucky for big bro.
"I said I was sorry!" Kankurou yelped, running towards the door. "Forgiveness is a virtue!"
"You know," Temari said casually, "I don't think he knows what virtue is anymore."
"Ya think?!" Kankurou lunged at the door, yanking it open.
"Hello, mail call." The mailman stepped in, holding a package.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT MAIL CALL!" Gaara screamed, darting upstairs.
Temari looked at her other brother, then at the mailman, wearing a look of disgust. "Y'all gonna explain that to me?"
"Um... no." Kankurou took the package and closed the door. "Hey... Who would send Gaara a package?"
"Gaara?" Temari took the package, reading the return address. "Oh, it's from that blond-haired loud-mouth." Going to the bottom of the stairs, she called, "GAARA! YOU GOT A PACKAGE!"
"NOT MAIL CALL!"
"No. Not mail call." Temari shot Kankurou a glare.
A few minutes later, Gaara came down and took the package from her, looking at it.
"It's probably a knife," Kankurou said, though not at all hopefully.
Gaara gave him a look, ripping the tape off the flaps and opening the box.
"What is it?" Temari asked, as Gaara took out a note.
"'Gaara—I thought you might enjoy this, due to your new obsession,'" Gaara read. Tossing the note over his shoulder, he brushed the impact fluffy things away (A/N: rolls around in the little things, squealing happily), uncovering the object beneath.
"Aww, he sent you a mail box!" Temari cried, picking it up.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Gaara screamed, throwing the box away and running up to the safety of his mail-box-free room.
Temari gave Kankurou a look.
"Hey, cool, this is a collector's item!" Kankurou snatched it up. Seeing Temari, look, he tossed it away. "...Or an object of torment for innocent millions."
(A/N: Ok, all done! REVIEW!!!!! I know it was kind of short, but then again, it wasn't meant to be an epic. Lol. I hope you all liked it! No flamers for OOCness!)