Talent Night

Author's Note: In this fic, they sing a few songs, which I don't have permission to use. "Right Field" and "Inside" belong to "Pete, Paul, and Mary", and "Anything You Can Do" is from "Annie Get Your Gun". I do apologize for the way the song "Anything You Can Do" is laid out. I had to redo it because when I posted this it changed the formatting...It's not supposed to be written like a script, but that's what I ended up doing...otherwise, you can't tell who's speaking. I don't own them, and I don't own the Care Bears either. I do own Regal Heart Lioness and Stellar Heart Tiger, though. Enjoy!

"Got it now?" asked Brave Heart Lion as he and Stellar Heart Tiger practiced their lines.

"I think so..." the tiger replied, giving a little snicker, "This is some pretty funny stuff!"

"Thank ya, thank ya, no applause!" Brave Heart made a dramatic bow, causing his friend to laugh.

"Yeah, but who would believe we're supposed to be father and son?" asked Stellar Heart, pointing over his shoulder to his own stripy back. It was April Fool's Day in the Kingdom of Caring, and other than playing the occasional harmless prank, some of the Care Bear Family members were putting together a talent show.

"Never mind that," replied Brave Heart, checking his watch, it's almost time to start, and we're not even in costume yet!"

Stellar Heart nodded, following Brave Heart. "The only thing I'm worried about is the singing parts..." he said nervously.

"Why? I heard you and Regal practicing, and we all sang together while practicing the finale. You're great; you should hear yourself!" said Brave Heart.

"But that's the only reason I'm actually singing in front of all those...those faces. Because I'm singing with a group. I was used to performing in the Circus, but singing...that's a whole other ball park."

"Relax, will ya? You're starting to make me nervous!" said Brave Heart with a shaky grin.

The sky outside was dark and overcast, but inside the Hall of Hearts everything was bright and cheerful. The stage was simply a sanded wooden platform with a backdrop, but tonight wasn't about flashiness; it was about fun! While the players were getting ready to go on, the audience members chatted and laughed among themselves. When Noble Heart mounted the stage, the Hall got significantly quieter as they began shushing each other.

"I have bad news..." Noble Heart told them, all the while struggling to keep a straight face, "Due to complications, we are unable to proceed with tonight's show."

"Awww!" everyone groaned, and Noble Heart suddenly cracked up.

"Did you forget what day this is? April Fools!" he dodged a few flung handfuls of popcorn, and continued, "My apologies, that was Playful Heart's idea. Ahem...Welcome to the first annual April Fool's Day Talent Show!"

The Hall errupted with cheers, and Noble Heart waved for silence again. "As you all know, our friends have worked very hard to put this show together, so everyone put your paws together for Brave Heart Lion and Stellar Heart Tiger as they perform a skit entitled 'Father and Son'!"

"Yay!" everyone cheered. Playful Heart Monkey and Grumpy Bear walked onstage with blankets, and stood side-by-side. Then, at the same time, they shook out the blankets and held them up by the edges in front of themselves; the blankets obscured them completely, representing a drawn curtain.

Brave Heart stomped up onto the stage, seemingly enraged. "Where is that good-for-nothing boy! An hour and a half late...an hour and a half! I'm tryin' to run a business here!"

On his cue, Stellar Heart sauntered up onstage, dressed in jeans and a tee, and wearing sunglasses. "Hey, Dad, sorry I'm late."

Brave Heart scoffed. "You and your excuses...get back to the stockroom!"

"Yeah, yeah..." Stellar groused, trying not to laugh. He went behind the blankets and waited, snickering.

"Stop that." Grumpy Bear whispered.

Brave Heart was pacing onstage, and Funshine Bear approached him. Brave Heart slicked back his mane, and said, "Ah, a customer! What can I do for you?"

"Well, I need a pair of sunglasses." replied Funshine.

"Coming right up. Oh, Son!" Brave Heart went behind the blankets, and out of sight from the audience. "Do we have any sunglasses?"

"Naw, Man." said Stellar.

"Gimme those! Give..." there were sounds of a struggle, and Grumpy and Playful bounced the blankets up and down a bit. A moment later, Brave Heart came back out with Stellar's sunglasses. "Here ya go, last pair!"

"Wow, thanks!" Funshine mimed handing over money, and went offstage.

Lotsa Heart Elephant approached Brave Heart next. "Excused me, sir, but do you carry shirts?"

"Absolutely. Oh, Son!" Brave Heart went out of sight again, "Got a customer who needs a shirt."

"But..."

"Gimme that shirt! Give...me..." there was another 'scuffle', and Grumpy and Playful shook the blankets again. Brave Heart came back out, and gave Lotsa Heart the shirt. By now, the audience was giggling rather loudly.

Tender Heart came up next, requesting a pair of jeans, and again Brave Heart sang out, "Oh, Son!"

"Not again!"

"Gimme!"

Grumpy and Playful, stifling giggles of their own, shook the blankets again.

"Here ya go!" Brave Heart handed Tender Heart the jeans.

"Thank you!" said Tender Heart, skipping off with the jeans.

Now Good Luck Bear came onstage, and by this point it was fairly obvious where the articles of clothing were coming from. "Excuse me, but I would like to purchase a pair of boxer shorts."

"Right away, sir...Oh, Son!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Stellar Heart burst through the 'curtain', and launched himself off the stage, running down the aisle, and wearing a pair of white boxer shorts with little red hearts on them. By the time he had stopped running, he joined everyone else in laughing hysterically.

Noble Heart went up onstage again, shaking a bit as he laughed. "Thank you, that was a very entertaining warm-up act. Now, here is Regal Heart Lioness, and she will be singing a song called 'Right Field'."

The audience clapped as Regal Heart walked up onstage with a guitar, wearing a baseball cap and looking a bit nervous. She gave a few practice strums, and cleared her throat. Then she began to play a soft melody.

"Saturday summers, when I was a kid,

we'd run to the schoolyard, and here's what we did.

We'd pick out the captains, and we'd choose up the teams;

it was always a measure of my self esteem.

'Cuz the fastest, the strongest, made shortstop and first.

The last ones they picked were the worst.

I never needed to ask; it was sealed.

I just took up my place in right field."

She began the chorus, "Playing right field, it's easy, ya know?

You can be awkward, and you can be slow.

That's why I'm here in right field, just watchin' the dandelions grow."

"Playing right field can be lonely and dull.

Little leagues never have lefties that pull.

I dream of the day they'd hit one my way.

They never did, but still I would pray

that I'd make a fantastic catch on the run, and not lose the ball in the sun;

and then I'd awake from this long reverie, and pray that the ball never came out to me."

The audience gave an appreciative chuckle, and she sang on. Her voice was clear as a bell, though a tiny bit deeper than the voices of the other female family members. And, the truth be told, after hearing her brother sing a few times, they were in awe at the fact that her singing voice was so pleasant.

"Here in right field, it's easy, ya know?

You can be awkward and you can be slow.

That's why I'm here in right field just watchin' the dandelions grow.

Off in the distance, the game's draggin' on.

There's strikes on the batter, some runners are on.

I don't know the inning; I've forgotten the score.

The whole team is yelling, and I don't know what for.

Then suddenly everyone's looking at me.

My mind has been wandering; what could it be?

They point to the sky, and I look up above,

and the baseball falls into my glove!"

There was a big cheer from the audience, and she continued with a big grin on her face, both at the supposed success of the little league player she was singing as, and from the fact that she had gotten a big reaction.

"Here in right field, it's important, ya know?

Ya gotta know how to catch!

Ya gotta know how to throw!

That's why I'm here in right field, just watchin' the dandelions grow!"

Regal Heart, still flushed from her nervousness, turned a deeper red as every Bear and Cousin cheered wildly. She took a bow, and jumped off the stage, heading behind the backdrop to get ready for her part in the next act.

Playful Heart was already in costume, and he handed her a skii mask. "This is gonna be great!" he crowed.

Brave Heart and Stellar Heart got onstage again, wearing pajamas and carrying sleeping bags.

"Whew, what a day!" sighed Brave Heart, setting up his 'bed' on the wooden floor.

"Yeah, I don't think I've ever been this tired." said Stellar, lying down, "Night, buddy."

"G'night." answered Brave Heart, and they both settled in.

Regal and Playful, dressed up as bandits, tiptoed over to Brave Heart, and pretended to attack him, then they ran away before he could sit up.

"Stellar Heart! Stellar!" Brave Heart shook the tiger.

"Mmmwhat? I just got to sleep..." he mumbled.

"Something attacked me!" cried Brave Heart, shaking theatrically.

"Nothing attacked you, now go back to sleep."

Brave Heart sighed, and laid back again. A moment later, Regal and Playful ran in and pretended to attack him again, retreating before he sat up.

"Stellar! Somthing did attack me, it just happened again!"

Stellar Heart groaned into his pillow, and snapped, "I told you, nothing attacked you! You were dreaming; I didn't hear a thing, now go back to sleep!"

"Okay..." Brave Heart sighed, pulling a huge lantern/flashlight from his sleeping bag and setting it up, provoking a chuckle from the audience. Then he lay down again, and closed his eyes.

Again the scene was repeated, and Brave Heart shook Stellar Heart again. "Now, I know I wasn't dreaming this time! I'm not going back to sleep until we switch places!"

"Switch places?!"

"I'm not sleeping until you do!" he folded his arms and stuck out his lower lip in a pout; the audience roared.

"Okay, fine, if you promise to let me get some sleep..." Stellar Heart got up, and they switched places. After all was quiet again, Regal and Playful came back and made for the sleeping bag that Brave Heart had previously inhabited.

"Wait!" said Regal, grabbing Playful's arm, "Wait a minute!"

"What's wrong?" asked Playful Heart.

"This guy's had enough, let's get his buddy instead!" she said, and the audience laughed as it was proven that Brave Heart just couldn't win in this one. They got up and took their bows, showing that Brave Heart was completely unharmed, and was laughing as loudly as everyone else.

True Heart, still giggling, mounted the stage and took the mic. "Well, that was very entertaining! A little rough, perhaps, but we can overlook it tonight." she said, delivering a mild scolding, but clearly her heart wasn't in it. "Now, for your enjoyment, we have a bit of audience participation. Everyone give a round of applause for Playful Heart the Magnificent!"

Playful Heart used his tummy symbol to outfit himself in a magician's costume, and everyone clapped in anticipation of a treat.

"I'll need a volunteer from the audience!" he scanned the room, immediately fixing on the only one who wasn't jumping up and down...Swift Heart Rabbit. "Swift Heart, just the rabbit I'm looking for! Would you come up here, please?"

Swift Heart shrugged, and made his way up to the stage.

Playful Heart winked. "You're in for a 'hare-raising' experience."

The audience laughed...Swift Heart groaned.

"Hey, you've got something in your ear..." Playful Heart laughed, pulling a paper dollar from Swift Heart's ear. "Oh, wait a minute..." he slapped Swift Heart on the back, and the rabbit spat out a coin. "Change!"

Swift Heart nodded dryly as the audience howled with laughter. "Just don't pull me out of a hat by my ears, okay?"

"Aww, scratch trick number two..." Playful Heart faked disappointment,. "Okay, for this next trick, I will require a hat...along with a newspaper...and a pitcher of milk." he created these things with his tummy symbol. Swift Heart watched warily.

Playful Heart poured the milk into the tophat, and covered it with the newspaper. "The power of the press!" he said dramatically. He turned the hat over, removed the newspaper, and nothing happened. The milk had disappeared. "Your hat, sir!"

Swift Heart took the hat and put it on his own head...and he was suddenly drenched as the milk came pouring out of it.

"Sorry about that!" Playful Heart said over the laughter his prank had provoked,; he reached into his pocket for a handkerchief, and as expected, and almost never-ending string of silk hankies emerged like a multi-colored snake. Swift Heart couldn't help but laugh as he dried his face; when Playful Heart finally reached the end of the rope, as it were, a dove flew out of his pocket and perched on the rabbit's head. Everyone laughed at that, but they almost died when Playful Heart reached for the dove, which proceeded to peck his paw whenever it got too close for the little bird's liking. Finally Playful Heart shrugged, and decided that it was a good idea to end his act early. "Thanks for being such a good sport!" Playful told Swift, giving him a pat on the back.

Noble Heart took the stage again, and said, "Now we have Regal Heart Lioness and Stellar Heart Tiger singing 'Anything You Can Do'. Take it away, kids!"

Regal Heart linked paws with Stellar Heart, and both stood in front of the mic as the karaoke machine played the introduction. Regal Heart began.

Regal: "Anything you can do, I can do better.

I can do anything better than you."

"No you can't." sang Stellar.

Regal: "Yes I can."

Stellar: "No you can't."

Regal: "Yes I can."

Stellar: "No you can't."

Regal: "Yes I can, YES I CAN!"

Stellar: "Anything you can be, I can be greater.

Sooner or later, I'm greater than you."

Regal: "No you're not."

Stellar: "Yes I am."

Regal: "No you're not.

Stellar: "Yes I am."

Regal: "No you're not."

Stellar: "Yes I am, YES I AM!

I can shoot a partridge with a single cartridge."

Regal: "I can get a sparrow with a bow and arrow."

Stellar: "I can live on bread and cheese."

Regal: "And only on that?"

Stellar: "Yes."

Regal: "So can a rat."

Stellar: "Any note you can reach, I can go higher."

Regal: "I can sing anything higher than you."

Stellar: "No you can't."

Regal: "Yes I can." she sang an octave higher.

Stellar: "No you can't" he sang an octave higher than that.

Regal: "Yes I can."

Stellar: "No you can't."

Regal: "Yes I can."

Stellar: "No you can't."

Regal: "Yes I can."

Stellar: "No you can't"

Regal: "Yes I can." she sang in a high, operatic soprano.

"Anything you can buy, I can buy cheaper.

I can buy anything cheaper than you."

Stellar: "Fifty cents?"

Regal: "Forty cents."

Stellar: "Thirty cents?"

Regal: "Twenty cents."

Stellar: "No you can't!"

Regal: "Yes I can, yes I can."

Stellar: "Anything you can say, I can say softer."

Regal: "I can say anything softer than you."

Stellar: "No you can't." he sang softly.

Regal: "Yes I can." she sang more softly still.

Stellar: "No you can't."

Regal: "Yes I can."

Stellar: "No you can't."

Regal: "Yes I can, YES I CAN!" she sang, whispering the first time, then yelling the second.

Stellar: "I can drink my liquor faster than a flicker."

Regal: "I can drink it quicker, and get even sicker."

Stellar: "I can open any safe."

Regal: "Without bein' caught?"

Stellar: "Sure!"

Regal: "That's what I thought, ya crook!"

Stellar: "Any note you can hold I can hold, I can hold longer."

Regal: "I can hold any note longer than you."

Stellar: "No you can't"

Regal: "Yes I can."

Stellar: "No you can't."

Regal: "Yes I can."

Stellar: "No you can't."

Regal: "Yes I can," on the second 'Yes I can', Stellar Heart joined in with his 'No you can't', and they held the note for a long time, but Stellar gave out first, coughing.

Stellar: "Yes you can!" he conceded.

Regal: "Anything you can wear, I can wear better. In what you wear, I'd look better than you."

Stellar: "In my coat?"

Regal: "In yer vest."

Stellar: "In my shoes?"

Regal: "In yer hat."

Stellar: "No you can't!"

Regal: "Yes I can, yes I can!"

Stellar: "Anything you can say, I can say faster."

Regal: "I can say anything faster than you."

Stellar: "No you can't." he sang quickly.

Regal: "Yes I can." she sang even more quickly.

Stellar: "Noyoucan't."

Regal: "YesIcan."

Stellar: "Noyoucan't."

Regal: "YesIcanyesIcan!" she sang so quickly that they could barely understand her.

Stellar: "I can jump a hurdle."

Regal: "I can wear a girdle."

Stellar: "I can knit a sweater."

Regal: "I can fill it better."

Stellar: "I can do most anything!"

Regal: "Can you bake a pie?"

Stellar: "No."

Regal: "Neither can I."

Stellar: "Anything you can sing, I can sing sweeter."

Regal: "I can sing anything sweeter than you."

Stellar: "No you can't." he sang sweetly as the music began to resemble a waltz.

Regal: "Oh, yes I can." she sang more sweetly.

Stellar: "No you can't."

Regal: "Yes I can."

Stellar: "No you can't."

Regal: "Yes I can."

Stellar: "No you can't."

Regal: "Yes I can."

Stellar: "No you can't, can't, can't."

Regal: "Yes I can can can."

They sang the last line together, she singing 'Yes I can', and he singing 'No you can't'. The audience went wild, and they linked paws again, kissed, and took a bow.

Now it was time for the finale. Everyone who had participated, with the exception of Swift Heart, who was still drying himself off, filed up onstage. True Heart and Noble Heart both went up to make the next announcement.

"Friends, it is with great pleasure that we announce the closing act!" said Noble Heart, handing the microphone to True Heart.

"Our friends would like to perform a song entitled 'Inside'." added True Heart.

Then they both said into the mic, "We hope you enjoy it!"

The music began, and the entire group began to sing.

"Let's say you're at a pie contest, let's say that you're the judge

And there's lemon, lime and watermelon rind,

and one that looks like fudge

You can't tell which one you like the best

if you only eat the crust

In order to complete the test a bite of filling is a must

(A bite of filling is a must)

Inside, Inside, that's the most important part

Inside, Inside, that's the place you've got to start

Inside, Inside, that's where you'll find the heart of the matter

Let's say you're at a birthday party

and let's say you've just turned eight

And there are presents everywhere and all of them look great

You can't tell which one you like the best

by just looking at the bow

To pick one out from all the rest unwrap each present,

then you'll know

(Unwrap each present then you'll know)

Inside, Inside, that's the most important part

Inside, Inside, that's the place you've got to start

Inside, Inside, that's where you'll find the heart of the matter

Children are the very best, each one a joy and pride

Just how we know, I bet you guessed:

we took the time to look...

(inside!)

Inside, Inside, that's the most important part

Inside, Inside, that's the place you've got to start

Inside, Inside, that's where you'll find the heart of the matter

Let's say you're at a library

and there's stacks and stacks of books

There's even stacks on top of stacks everywhere you look

There are storys about mystery and sports and famous lovers

To pick one out from all the rest

you've got to open up the covers

(You've got to open up the covers!)

Inside, Inside, that's the most important part

Inside, Inside, that's the place you've got to start

Inside, Inside, that's where you'll find the heart of the matter"

They finished singing, and the final applause was deafening. The players were all in high spirits as they joined their family at the snack tables. Stellar Heart wiped sweat from his brow, and said to Regal Heart, "Whew...that was fun, but those lights were hot!"

"Tell me about it!" she laughed, joining paws with him, "I felt like a roast chicken up there!"

"You?" Stellar Heart asked incredulously, "What about me? And your poor brother, having to be in sleeping bags!"

They laughed again and sat down, and when Stellar Heart sat, a 'Pbbbbbbbbbt!' noise sliced through the steady hum of conversation. Everyone turned to look, some of them stifling laughter, and the tiger looked appalled. He stood up and looked at his chair, then faced the room with a wry smirk as he held up a small, pink object. "Okay, who's responsible for the whoopie cushion?"

The Care Bears and Cousins gave up trying to hold back their laughter, and Playful Heart raised a paw, admitting his guilt. The tiger tossed Playful Heart the whoopie cushion, and sat back down with a shrug.

"Aww, poor baby!" Regal Heart giggled.

Stellar Heart growled playfully, making a fist at her, and she made a truly low blow by tickling his neck. It was all he could do to keep from falling off his chair! When the party gradually broke up, Regal and Stellar decided to go for a walk by the Rainbow River.

"Well, this was certainly an April Fool's Day to remember!" chuckled Regal Heart.

"Sure was..." Stellar Heart agreed quietly, and as he stole a shy glance at her, the smile she favored him with turned his knees to water. "Sure was..."

End