As the thestral pulled carriages arrived at Hogwarts, students filed into the Great Hall. As Harry trumbled forward, someone caught his eye. It was a girl, about his height. She had dark hair. As lightning flashed and lit up the sky, her tresses looked like a very deep red. Her eyes were the same startling green as his, and she had glasses. It was almost like looking into the mirror. Why hadn't Harry seen this girl before...? With that thought, Harry was shoveled among the students into the great hall.

As Harry sat down next to Ron, he noticed a new girl he had also never seen before sitting near Hermione on the other side of the Gryffindor table. She had bleach blonde hair streaked pink. Harry thought she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen... then he remembered he was gay. As soon as everyone was seated, the sorting hat was brought out, and the new first years were sorted.

--Fill in various names that most likely make NO sense. Throw in a Blaise Zabini for good measure.--

As soon as the sorting hat was taken away, the students finished their applause and turned to the head table to listen to Dumbledore.

"Students of Hogwarts! Welcome to another exciting year of filling our heads!" Dumbledore said, as the hall fell silent to listen. "I'm please to announce that we have both an exchange student AND a girl we magically accepted 6 years past when she should have originally come. Please, everyone, give a warm welcome to Ashleigh Smith."

The girl with the bleached hair stood up. Everyone clapped.

"And we are pleased to welcome... Mary-Sue Potter."

At this, everyone began clapping... until what they heard sunk in, and everyone was silent. All eyes turned to a girl standing. It was the girl Harry had first seen earlier. Harry was dumbstruck.

"Also, our new teacher of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher will be none other then... Lucius Malfoy. And with that, let us begin the new school year!"

The Slytherin table applauded, and the random inserted authors in the background wet their pants in excitement. Snape looked especially excited. The rest of the hall began to eat the feast, each student with a disgusted look on their face.

Disregarding the new teacher, Harry looked at Mary-Sue. "Am I... related to you?" He said quietly, more to himself then anyone else.

"She is your twin sister." Lupin said, miraculously appearing beside him. "But you are forbidden to speak to her."

"Wha... what?! Why?" He replied, stunned.

"Because the author's unnecessarily inserting herself into the story, and doesn't want to delve to deeply into the fact you could probably never have a twin sister."

"A twin sister... wow…" But Harry was stunned. He turned and saw the most beautiful creature he had ever laid eyes upon.

"NEVILLE!" Harry wailed passionately.

"Wha… me?!" Neville said, wide-eyed.

"Get out of the bloody way." Harry said, as Neville was blocking the view of the new student, Ashleigh. Wow, what a name!

Ashleigh walked up to Harry, and sat by him. Harry's breath caught. She leaned in and said, "There's something I have to tell you."

"...What is it?" He breathed.

She took out an hourglass attached to a chain around her neck and showed it to him.

"What does a time-turner have to do with anything?"

"Da... Harry..." She whispered. "I've come back in time to warn you. I'm your daughter."

"BLOODY HELL." Harry screeched, a screech so loud that the entire hall turned to look. Except Snape, who was too occupied snogging with Lucius Malfoy, much to the glee of several writers watching their exploits. Exasperated, Harry could not control his feelings.

"DAMN YOU ALL." Harry said, blowing holes into the ceiling. Everyone turned around to look, but Dumbledore just sat and smiled, his eyes twinkling merrily.

"Harry, stop!" Hermione called from across the hall. Harry was subdued as he stared at what couldn't possibly be Hermione. She had filled out in all the right places, as Hogwarts was well-known for having such tight robes as to show this. She had straight, highlighted hair, and caked on cosmetics.

"Hermione..." Harry trailed off as he ran to her, completely ignoring the fact that the hall was erupting into pandemonium from Harry's outbursts. He also ignored the fact that his daughter didn't share his last name.

"You look... beautiful." He said to her.

"Yeah, I got a makeover from my American cousins." She said, blushing.

"Bullocks!" Ron said, as he ran over as well. "You were with us on the train!"

"Oh yeah..." Hermione trailed off, her eyes locking with Ron's. They immediately began snogging.

"POTTER." Harry wheeled around to see who had called his name. It was a delicate girl with blond hair.

"Potter, what about... I mean... I don't know how to say this."

"Oh, it's you Malfoy... um... can we hold off on us? That whole train... souls twining thing... let's wait on that. We need to build a little more sexual tension."

"Just as well... I've been eyeing that Weasley girl." He said, smirking smugly. Ginny Weasley saw this and quickly ran from the Great Hall, closely followed by Draco.

The pandemonium continued, with the professors trying to subdue a psychotic Harry and snogging students, while the prefects were going into severe seizures at the site of Snape and Lucius Malfoy. Dumbledore's eyes continued to twinkle. As the noise grew louder, Ashleigh remained unmoved, but a little unnerved.

"Isn't anyone going to ask about the warning I was supposed to bring?!"

"No way, bitch." Said Mary-Sue Potter, who, although very sweet, was not a love-interest in this story, so she took a swing and broke Ashleigh's beautiful little nose.

…To be continued?

Note: Yeah, I know this sucks, sorry 'bout that. I can do better next time, maybe. Um... thanks for reading?! And bla bla, characters copyright to J.K. Rowling, except the "add-ins" and what-not. Sorry if this offended you, so on, so forth. Um... stay tuned?


(Revised 11/22/07)