"Not Worth Living" by Vchanny

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or it's characters. They belong to people with lots of money. I do not have lots of money. Therefore, they cannot possibly belong to me.

Intro: This fic will be high in fluff. If you do not enjoy fluff, then proceed with caution. It's not all fluff though, so sorry to all of you that thought it would be. There's plenty of drama and action related-ness to fulfill your needs. Everyone can be happy!

I took the idea for this from the last chapter of the graphic novel, Gundam Wing: Episode Zero. It ends in a bit of a cliffhanger and the reader is urged to come up with their own ending. And here I am. This is my version of the ending, and some events leading up to it. Enjoy.



Chapter One: The Dream

With the New Year brought peace to the Earth Sphere Unified Nation. The Preventors successfully extinguished the Mariemaia threat. DeKim was put to rest, and the young Mariemaia was put under the care of Lady Une. After things settled, Quatre returned to take over his father's company, Trowa resumed his life with Catherine and the circus troupe, Duo left back to the junk yard, and Wufei joined Sally as a Preventor. After recovering from his injuries, Heero took the position as Relena's personal guard, leading and watching over her security team. The year is A.C. 197.

"Hey, man!" A man appearing to be in his twenties high-fived his friend. "Hey, I finally talked that cute secretary into going on a date."

The friend gave him a nod of approval. "Awesome."

"Yeah, we're going on Saturday. She said she had a friend if you wanted to come."

"I can't."

The man shot a questioning look. He'd never known his friend to pass up on an opportunity such as this. "What?! Did you just tell me that you can't? Why the hell not?"

"Princess is going to some party on Saturday, and I'm one of the poor bastards that got chosen to go. What a bunch of shit, right? We're supposed to be in some 'time of peace' or something. What's the point of a security team tagging along--"

He was cut off by the glare of two Prussian blue eyes.

The two grew silent and stared blankly as Heero approached them.

"Shit," the man whispered.

Heero handed a folder to the friend. "Since you seem to think that the safety of the Vice Foreign Minister is, as you said, a bunch of shit, I'm going to have you brief the team. Here's your copy." He gave a cold glare and turned to the man. "And you," he paused as he watched a bead of sweat roll down the man's face. "Don't you have somewhere to be? You are in uniform."

They both gave a "yes sir" and a salute before walking away nervously. Heero rolled his eyes and walked down the hall. He had some business to take care of before Saturday.

Soon, he found himself in his office, lit only by the soft glow of the computer screen. The space was small, but it suited his purposes. It had the quickest route to the stairs, and people were rarely in the area, giving him a chance to get things done without much interruption. As for the size, he'd worked in closer quarters before.

Heero sat down a stack of folders on his desk and began typing on his laptop. First, he checked his security cameras. There had been some installed in the building before he'd taken the position that were monitored 24/7, but he liked his better. After looking at them for a few moments, he began opening up email.

"Junk… junk…" he murmured to himself. "Chain letter from Duo… junk… junk."

He continued deleting things until he came across a security report he'd been waiting for. Upon reading and replying, Heero turned on his desk lamp and began looking through the folders he'd brought with him. Some held information on the location if the party Relena would be attending. He had blueprints, marked with at least ten escape routes that he'd already memorized, along with street maps. In another, he had background information on every guest attending and on anyone else that would be there. And in the last folder, he had the security plan for the evening that he'd already checked a dozen times. One more couldn't hurt.


Relena smacked her lips together and looked into the mirror. "Perfect…" Taking just one last look, she left her bathroom and took hold of the dress she had lying out on her bed. It was a knee-length white dress with black, diagonal patterns across the waist. Dorothy had helped her pick it out a few weeks before. She'd said it was "cute but still classy enough to wear to a business party." Relena couldn't help but frown on the last part of that. She hadn't really been thinking of this party as being of a business nature. It was, in a sense, but she refused to look at it that way. It was going to be a nice night out.

She returned to her bathroom and changed into her dress, making sure she didn't make a mess of her hair and make-up; she'd spent too long on it to mess it up now. Finished, except for shoes, Relena took a look in the mirror to admire herself. The dress was pretty flattering on her, she admitted. She then found herself wondering if he'd think so too. Her thoughts were cut off by a knock at the door.


She smiled. He'd interrupted her thinking about him.

"Are you done? We're going to fall off schedule!"

Relena grabbed her purse and shoes from the vanity. "Coming!"


Heero impatiently waited outside Relena's bedroom. He'd have to make adjustments to his perfectly planned schedule if she didn't hurry. He let out a short sigh and leaned against the wall just before the handle turned. He stood straight up to get ready to take a hold of her hand and hurry her along, but when he caught sight of her, he couldn't move. He couldn't think. She looked so beautiful. The Perfect Soldier rendered helpless at the sight of a woman; how ironic.

"Heero?" her voice seemed to sing out to him.

Heero cleared his throat, and mind, and nodded. "Right. Let's go. We'll be late."

Relena smiled and the two left for the party.


Heero and Relena walked to the entrance arm in arm.

"Now, remember, when you leave--"

"--You'll be at the door waiting." She finished. "I know." She gave him a warm smile as they parted and she headed off into the crowd of people, leaving Heero at his watch post.

After mingling with a few groups, Relena found herself with some girls closer to her own age: children of those she worked with.

"Relena! It's so nice to see you!" one quickly shrieked as she gave Relena a quick hug.

"It's a pleasure to see you too, Miss Emily."

"Relena," another began, "Who's your date? What a fox!"

The rest agreed as Relena struggled to figure out what she'd meant. She didn't have a date. "Date?"

"Yeah, yeah. The dark haired one up there."

Relena looked in the direction the girl pointed. Heero. A smile crept across her face. Had they really looked like a couple coming in? If only. "Oh, him. He's not my date. I didn't bring one."

"Good news for me!" One of the girls giggled. "I'm going to go get a number!"

"Oh! You can't do that!" Relena blurted out. Eh oh, now she'd done it. "Erm… what I mean is, he's on duty. He's a security guard of mine."

"Ooh, okay then. There are other cuties around here anyway."

The girls began pointing out men in the room who they thought were cute. Relena only thought of him. And how she'd blurted that out. At least she'd come up with some logical recovery. She couldn't tell them the truth, that she was in love with her personal security guard. That would be a fun mess to sort out.

As the night came to a close, Heero met with Relena at the door.

"Are we still on schedule?"

"Did you have fun?"

Relena smiled. "It was nice."


Heero dropped Relena off and got into his own car to drive back to his apartment. It was a forty-five minute drive, unless there was something wrong, then he could make it in fifteen. It left some time for thoughts to fester. And as it happened, they were usually thoughts that shouldn't be on his mind.

He'd often consider turning around and telling her everything. How beautiful she was. How he only took this job to be around her. That he wanted to be with her. How everyday it bothered him to leave. How he wanted to protect her always. And then, his thoughts would drift toward how it could never work. Or, how stupid and absurd the thought was. The protector of peace and promoter of pacifism with a man who's past was filled with nothing but death, destruction, and war. The press would eat that up.

Then, they'd return to the happier thoughts. He'd manage to convince himself that it could work, and that it would be incredible.

His thoughts would wander from there, usually ending on a positive note as he arrived at home. And there, they'd stay until he went to sleep. On days like this, he'd have a slight variation of the same dream. It'd start with Relena and himself out somewhere, just enjoying each other's company. They'd share a kiss and then things would go dark. Sometimes it was a mobile suit and others it would be an assassin. They'd aim for Heero, scream something about getting their revenge, but she would jump out in front of him. Past that point, he didn't know how it ended; He'd wake up in a cold sweat instead. Afraid to go back to sleep, he'd begin looking over old reports to keep himself occupied until it was time to return to the office. This night was no different.

After his shower, Heero looked into the mirror. This was the fourth time this week he'd found himself in this position. The dream progressed each time he had it. She had actually gotten shot this time.

A glance at the clock told him it was 3:30. Time to go to work. There wasn't anymore time to ponder about this.

On the lowest floor of Relena's office building, where her security was located, in the break room, the two guards from before sat drinking their coffee.

"Man, I told you it was a bunch of bull. Nothing even happened last night. That was a fucking waste of time."

"Hey, I understand man, but you'd better watch it, man. Yuy will get on your case again. I don't care that he's younger; he scares the shit out of me."

"Fuck Yuy. He's just a--"

"He's just a what?" a familiar voice called from the coffee machine.

The man cleared his throat and looked away.

The friend slowly turned around, realizing just who must be behind him. Unfortunately for him, his right jaw met with the right fist of an irritated, sleep-deprived Heero Yuy.

Heero looked down at the man lying on the floor as he stirred his coffee. "Good morning."

Heero sat down in his chair and set his coffee down as he began skimming through the files on his desk. Most were just reports that some of the guards typed up from the preceding night. The rest were locations of events that the Vice Foreign Minister was expected to attend. He'd look at these later, he had to go pick up the princess and carry on with his daily routine.


It was mid-March when Heero approached his two month anniversary of taking his position as Relena's personal guard. By now, his dreams had advanced much further, and were occurring every night. He was restless and could barely focus on anything. In short, he was a wreck. His anxiety nipped at him constantly. Everywhere he went, he felt like someone was watching him, and something was going to happen. And the feeling doubled when he was with Relena, which, as the job required, happened to be about 90% of his time. He couldn't go on too much longer like this.


He snapped his attention to Relena. He'd fallen half asleep in his seat.

"Heero, are you alright?" She knew what his answer would be, but she asked anyway. He looked exhausted.

"Hn. I'm fine." He paused for a moment, deciding what to say. He wanted to avoid further questioning on his state. He didn't want her to know. "Did you need something?"

"Not really." He'd avoided the subject again. She'd tried earlier in the week to see if there was something wrong, but he'd done the same. She wanted to try to turn the conversation back around, but she couldn't find the words. "How much longer until we arrive home?"

"About ten minutes or so."

"Alright. Thank you." She watched as he drifted back into his half-sleep state. He looked so fragile and innocent to her. Like there had been no chance that this man was ever involved in any violence ever. And as if he just needed someone to take care of him. She smiled as she crawled across the seats of the limo to where he had sat down. She'd been thinking a lot lately, ever since she'd noticed this change in him. She wanted to take care of him, now more than ever. She always felt the need to, but he actually needed her to now. Or so she told herself. Either way.

She kneeled before him and caressed the side of his face as she prepared to do something she'd never had the courage to do before.

Heero awoke to a set of foreign lips on his face. He shuddered, having just gotten to the point in his dream where they shared a kiss.

Pulling away, she looked to the side, ashamed. "I'm sorry…" she whispered. "I just…"

Heero was breathing rapidly now.

"Heero? Are you… okay?" Her voice grew more concerned and she took hold of his shaking hands. "What's wrong? Heero?"

He worked to calm his breathing down. It didn't help much, his was growing more anxious every second. Had they just… kissed? 'The dream…'


He didn't hear her. He was busy contemplating. Was something going to happen to her now? What if his dream was true? It was crazy to consider such a thing, but what if…? He'd had it so many times! They were so vivid and seemed so real! If something happened to her…


He fell from his daze and looked into the face of a concerned Relena. "Relena."

She smiled. "Are you going to be okay? What was that? I'm sorry if I…"

"No, it's alright." He paused. "Everything's… alright." He'd make it alright. There was only one thing for him to do, only one way to make sure.


Relena awoke the next morning tired. She'd gotten next to no sleep the night before. Her concern for Heero consumed her thoughts, just about as much as what she actually did! She'd wanted to kiss him a thousand times, but, she never could. And the one time she did, he flipped out. That couldn't have been it though, she told herself. There was something going on. She'd ask him today. He wasn't going to avoid the subject.

As she prepared to leave for work, and unfamiliar guard met her at the door.

'What?' She gave the guard a confused look.

"Are you ready, Vice Foreign Minister?"

"Um…" She looked around, looking for him. This wasn't normal. The guard began to look impatient. "Sorry. I… where's my normal escort?"

The guard began pushing her along. "I'm your new personal guard. Mr. Yuy quit."

Relena dropped her briefcase and starred at the guard. "What?!"


End chapter one.

So, how's it going so far? Do you like it? Hate it? Do you have any suggestions? Do you just wanna say 'hi'? You know, it's not healthy to keep things inside, as our protagonist is showing us. So you should speak your mind. So, hit the little review button. Voice your opinion. ;D Be heard! …by me and the four other people who will read this ;; Bye now!