Summary: Ah, obsessions... Don't we all have them? Yes, indeed we do. Even the ingenious Marauders. In this short, humorous story starring the mischievous four of Hogwarts past, being locked up in a remote cabin in the mountains together shows us just what it is that these four are addicted to.
Rating: PG for some swearing, the occasional mild sexual innuendo, and the mischief that is bound to happen when one puts James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew together for two weeks.
Warnings: There was originally no slash and/or romance, until I realized this error and hastened to fix it. So, therefore, SLASH WARNING! First chapter is quite safe, up until a point. You have been warned. Still very innocent, as it is. Just a kiss or two. Or... seven. ((evil cackle)) Not at all my usual style of romance, but hey... this is supposed to be humorous. No like slash? Do not complain. This is not a romance story, and therefore the slash will not come up that often.
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns the original Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, James Potter, and Sirius Black. I have only borrowed them and delved deeper into their past and characters as I see them.
Reviews: ...are like oxygen. Flames are forbidden and will be mocked, then ignored, and erased.
Chapter OneChocolate. The cravings were driving me mad. Thus far, my desperate search for the dark sweet had been met with barren cupboards and fat free foods, as poor Peter was on a diet. I could not find any of my favorite sugary nourishment within the kitchen, or the pantry, or the dining room, even the living room beneath the old cigar cabinets (which are, mind you, quite empty and have been since the house was cleared out for selling) and in the old oak chest under the staircase. It is a wonderful thing to have friends who know and care for you better than even you can claim, but it can be infuriating in such circumstances as these. My secret chocolate stashes had been removed by my all-knowing friends, in order to prevent Peter (also aware of my secret sweets) getting them and ruining the hard work of his weight loss. I did not mind helping such a dear friend to improve his image, but it being 'that time of month' and my addiction to the taste, I was suffering in silence. Or not so quietly, I suppose, seeing as I was sure to have made a tremendous noise slamming cupboard doors in anger.
"What are you doing, Moony?" Asked a sleep-slurred voice.
I spun around, not surprised at the sudden company due to my unusually sensitive hearing. Oh good, someone to vent my frustration at.
"I. Need. Chocolate." I stressed, as if he were a child that might not comprehend my words unless they were said very clearly.
The right corner of Sirius' mouth curled upward, the beginnings of one of his infectious grins.
"Oooooh, I forgot it was that time. You're like clockwork, love, I swear. One week prior to the day."
I glared, my already irritated temperament reaching new heights at his teasing tone.
"I am in absolutely no mood to be the victim of your baiting, Sirius Black. No mood at all." I growled.
Need. Chocolate. NOW. Sirius raised an eyebrow, his grin coming into being in an achingly slow manner. Very irritating.
It took every ounce of my legendary restraint not to knock him upside the head with something large and heavy, perhaps the pot that sat in the nearby dish-rack.
"You know we don't keep any here. Peter can't go blowing his diet already."
"If I don't have chocolate soon, I fear I might hurt someone." I said matter-of-factly.
Sirius frowned, seeming concerned.
"Are you okay?"
Do you think 'okay' would describe me at the moment? I didn't think so. I cracked a wry smile, pushing my honey-colored hair out of my eyes.
"No. Chocolate is a sedative, did you know? That is why I eat it in large amounts just before the full moon. It assists in keeping my control adamant. As such, I have developed quite an addiction to it. Must be the caffeine. Anyhow, I need some or I might carry out my threat of hurting someone. You know how I get at this time."
"Incredibly bitchy?" Sirius said innocently.
I arched an eyebrow, and he decided not to provoke me in my chocolate-deprived state.
I eyed my friend with some measure of temporary dislike. Sirius has some unnatural ability to be perfect in appearance even if he has only just tumbled out of bed, and for some reason this too bothered me. I must look like an escaped convict. (A/N: No foreshadowing intended. ;))
"Are you wearing pink socks, Sirius?" I asked abruptly.
Sirius' feet relocated to a less obvious position beneath his pajama pants.
"I hate pink." He said as convincingly as possible.
"One could not tell by your footwear."
"They are not pink. They're... er... pale red and orange."
"Which is most certainly pink."
"You've become sadistic in your withdrawals, Remus Lupin. My socks are not bloody pink."
"Pink." I smirked.
Sirius held up a foot, wiggling his toes beneath their fabric casing. The socks were an orange-pink color, patterned with golden dragons that spit fire at one another.
"See? Not pink." He said triumphantly.
I took an iron grip on his foot with my hand, lowering the offensive-smelling appendage away from my face. Why must he be so much taller than me?
"Remove that stinky thing from my 'comfortable-space-bubble', please."
"My socks aren't pink." Sirius said, kicking slightly as he tried to dislodge the foot that I had taken hostage.
"Do you wear heart-patterned boxers, Sirius?"
Sirius looked highly offended.
"Just checking. Those socks are rather embarrassing. I did not know they made female socks in such large sizes."
Yanking his foot out of my considerably smaller hand, he seemed rather pink in the cheeks but in no less of a good humor. He knew I didn't mean it.
"That was a low blow, Remus. I am fatally damaged." He said melodramatically, laying his hand on the bare skin over his heart.
"Mmmmm..." I said distractedly, catching the faint scent of chocolate from the nearby bathroom.
As I began to sprint toward the room, I found myself suddenly yanked backward by my oversized pajama shirt and slung over a broad shoulder.
"Hey! What on earth are you doing?!" I shouted, wriggling in protest and smacking Sirius' back indignantly.
"I know you smell chocolate. No no no, you cannot have it."
"Sirius!" I almost wailed.
Chocolate smells like heaven to someone with such highly attuned senses as myself. Especially when you are craving it with a passion.
"That's only in case of emergency."
"Emergency? What emergency could there possibly be higher than this?!" I was aware that I was childishly screeching, and my voice had chose that moment to add its adolescent-changing-tinny.
Lovely. Why couldn't my voice-change have kicked in when I was twelve, like normal boys? Sirius laughed good-naturedly, patting the back of my legs as if it were some consolation. Merlin, his fingers were cold.
"Isn't there a law against cruel and unusual punishment?" I asked mildly, testing a different approach to the situation.
"Don't be a drama queen Remmie."
I yanked none too gently on a hank of his black hair in retaliation.
"Ouch! You little bugger!" He roared in mock-rage, dropping me back to my feet. "Now you're in for your just reward!"
I giggled and stuck my tongue out at him.
A broken lamp and several bruises from sharp table corners later, Sirius and I were lying on the couch making a half-hearted attempt to stop laughing. I could not believe James and Peter had not come down and shouted at us for making such a raucous amount of noise, but I suppose they were used to it by now. If Peter's snores could be ignored with ease, so could the volume of Sirius chasing me around the house. I had quite forgotten about my consuming need for chocolate.
"Soooo..." Giggle. "...feel better?" Chuckle.
I nodded against his shoulder, still too full of happy laughter to speak.
"Have I brightened your day... er, I mean night?"
"Can I trust you not to nick the chocolate?"
I raised my head from his shoulder and glared.
An all-suffering sigh emerged from my best friend.
"You are a mule, Moony, did you know?"
This made me laugh all over again.
"I am not a breed of donkey, Padfoot!"
Sirius nodded sagely, his fingers steepled before him as if he were a wise man.
"Yes. Yes you are."
I poked him playfully in the ribs, indignant of his teasing.
"Do I look like a donkey to you?" I demanded.
Sirius grinned, and ran his fingers through my hair. Contact of this kind was not unusual between us, though James had been known to hex anyone of the same sex that showed him such affection.
"No. You don't look like a donkey." His grin widened. "You look like a mule."
I proceeded to clobber him with a cushion, much to his further amusement.
"Pureblood spawn! Nitwit! Canine-of-bantam-intelligence!" I cried, punctuating each smack of the cushion with insults.
"Have mercy, oh beautiful wolf-boy of mine!" He cried overdramatically.
I paused in surprise at what he had said, and in that time Sirius managed to nudge me off (which, considering his much greater height and my seeming inability to emerge from the under-weight side of the scale, was not difficult).
"Eek!" I squeaked, toppling backward off the couch.
Sirius' smirking face hovered into view.
"Excuse me Mr. Lupin, but did you just say 'eek'?"
I threw my cushion at him. Sniggering to himself, Sirius joined me on the hardwood floor, which I realized was much in need of another sweeping. When I mentioned this to my companion, he scowled and informed me (for what must have been the hundredth time this week) that I must learn to cope with my Obsessive Compulsive need to neaten, or be in danger of castration.
"Which, really, would cure that gender-confusion issue you have." He added as an afterthought.
"I will refrain from lynching you for that comment if you give me chocolate." I said sweetly, flashing my best smile in his direction.
"You don't give up, do you?" Sirius sighed, though of course he knew me better than perhaps anyone else.
"Pleeease, Siri? I will be ever so thankful if you might grant me this single wish. I promise to do whatever you desire if you give me chocolate." I gushed.
He hesitated, his expression skeptical. I snuggled close to him and hugged him worshipfully, nuzzling his favorite spot just below his ear.
"Please?" I lamented in a broken voice, close to his ear.
I knew that the famous Sirius Black, more stubborn by far than I, could never defy my insistence when I pretended to be miserable. Sirius groaned, and I hid my grin. I knew that sound from years of similar battles. Victory at last!
"Oh, alright. But you swear that I get to ask anything of you and you'll do it?"
This might be possibly dangerous, but I nodded. A familiar mischievous sparkle lit his dark eyes.
"Then I will be extracting my payment now."
I gazed at him warily, not even daring to wonder what he was about to force me to do.
"Close your eyes."
I blinked, taken aback by this unusual and very simple request.
Sirius reached out and stroked the bridge of my nose, which for some odd reason has never before failed to make my eyes close. After ineffectively resisting the hypnosis, I allowed my eyelids to fall shut and waited with tensed muscles for something horrid to happen.
"Relax, Remus. I'm not going to hurt you." Sirius soothed, an edge of laughter on his voice.
"And my assurance is....?"
Despite his unsettling lack of answer, I did as he asked. What in the world was going on? Sirius may be a peculiar person by nature, but this was indeed very odd. Suddenly, something warm touched me. I started, startled by the sudden soft pressure. What was he–? The warmth pressed closer, and all at once I realized what was happening. Oh Merlin. Was this real? Sirius was kissing me. On my lips. And not in a platonic way. I gasped involuntarily, shocked. My best friend was... was...
The warmth withdrew, and I opened my eyes immediately.
"You..." I began, but my throat closed.
Sirius smiled in an uncharacteristically shy way. Still in a state of shock, I began to babble like I do not recall ever doing in my entire sixteen years of existence.
"You just kissed me! Me! I would have expected that you would rather kiss James than me, after all he has been your closest friend since the dawn of time and he is much more attractive than I am and I've never even been kissed before in my life much less by a boy but then again James loves Lily so that might not go over well with him and no one ever even looks at me. Why did you kiss me, of all people? Are you playing some joke, hm? Or settling a bet of some sort? It doesn't make any sense and I can't believe you did it but not to say I didn't enjoy it because I've actually fancied you for forever but I'm not supposed to tell you that and now I have so please don't hate me but that wasn't funny at all. And I know I'm a freak because boys are not supposed to like other boys especially when they are your best friends and I am really sorry that I do I can't help it so please do not abandon me I'll stop if I can and WHY DID YOU KISS ME?"
My best friend was laughing at my state of complete bewilderment.
"Shut up, Moony!"
Though of course I did not have to comply, as his mouth once again on mine was an efficient silencer.
After we parted, I was rather warm all over and seemed to have developed a sudden dizziness.
"Is that supposed to happen?" I queried, referring to my state of floatiness.
Sirius smirked, no stranger to kisses. Dog.
"Yes, I think so."
I half expected meatballs to fall from the sky and Voldemort to walk in doing the polka, for I was sure the world had gone mad. But I didn't mind. No, I did not disapprove of this turn of events at all.
"Have you gone daft, or did you mean that?" I asked, fixing my most stern 'teacher-glare' upon my friend.
Sirius smiled gently.
"Of course I meant it."
He raised my left hand to his lips and pressed an earnest kiss to the back of it. Now the heat in the rest of my body had spread to my face. I despise my tendency to blush. I truly do.
I considered my first kiss. Who would ever have supposed that my dearest friend, also of the male gender, would be the one to claim my virgin lips? It was almost ironic, really. It did not seem wrong at all, though I had long ago convinced myself that it was. After all, he and I were so close that we knew one another's emotions, even if they were skillfully concealed, finished each other's sentences, and were not skittish about physical contact. He did, after all, usually sleep in my bed. It was more wonderful than chocolate, and in my opinion few things are. Then I smiled impishly, wishing to make light of the moment.
"You owe me chocolate."
After looking surprised a moment, Sirius grinned.
"So I do." He replied, as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.
But was it out of the ordinary? It seemed now something that had forever been on the horizon, waiting patiently for the right moment to bring the truth about our feelings crashing down upon our heads. Destiny is a funny thing. Holding out a hand for me to take, Sirius stood. I took his offered arm and set off toward the hidden chocolate even before I was fully upright, deciding that destiny and that sort of thing called to my stomach as well. Sirius snorted, rolling his eyes as he followed me.
"Remus my love, you have a one-track mind."
The chocolate smelled delicious, but I was still in a daze and feeling suddenly rather defiant. Why not smack fate over the head by performing the unexpected? To prove Sirius wrong in his statement, I turned right around. He bumped into me, unable to stop in time.
"I do not have a one-track mind."
And I kissed him. Five times. S-l-o-w-l-y.
Moony's Obsession: Chocolate (and kisses)
Author's Note: Yes, I know that Remus seems a bit out of character, but trust me, he isn't. As a Marauder and a Gryffindor, he has a mischevious side as well. I always imagined him as half the time the quiet, gentle sort of boy, and the other half an impish prankster with a tendency toward being rather a spit-fire. :) To make matters easier on myself (though it was not my intention. I noted this fact after this was all written.) he turned out just like me. ((lol)) My friends don't call me 'Remus' (as well as Wolf-boy and Moony) for nothing!