Disclaimer: Not mine... never will be.


They never listened to him. Greg had warned them all that it was going to be a bad night. Sure, it may have been some old wives' tale, but he was a firm believer in it anyway.

Greg printed off the last of the lab results, signed them, and headed out into the hallway. Grissom's office was dark and, with a quick test of the knob, he found it to be locked as well. He went back to the lab and locked the results in the file drawer. He'd give them to Nick in the morning.

He walked out and into the parking lot. Grissom and Sara had already left and the rest of the team were nowhere to be seen. It was probably better that way. They didn't seem to appreciate his humor inside of the workplace, so why would they enjoy it any other time anyway?

He glanced at the tires on his car for a moment before unlocking it and getting in. Someone had cut them last week, and he was a little paranoid now.

It was probably just some punk kid trying to be cool.

He chuckled to himself.

That's probably what they all say about me.

He popped a CD into the player embedded in his dashboard and grinned as loud rock music filled the car. That was the way he liked it, despite what Grissom thought about his musical taste. After all, the man raced cockroaches, so he was in no position to judge other people's versions of entertainment.

Greg gazed out the window, his eyes resting on Nick's vehicle. It was parked two spots over, sad and alone in a desolate corner of the employee lot. He knew that Nick felt as out of place as he did sometimes, but he had no idea what to do about it. Greg was a social creature by nature, but when it came to serious and pressing issues, he lacked a little something.

Or maybe I just try to. Maybe it's easier being the clown. Maybe I just want to be liked for something.

He pulled out of the parking lot, casting one last passing glance toward the door. Nick was nowhere to be seen.

Maybe tomorrow.

Greg was less than a mile away when his pleasant mood began to fade. Somehow, at work, he always managed to forget what he was going home to. It was easy to live the lie that he had created about himself when no one had even the slightest reason to think it untrue. He had flaunted his new relationship to anyone who would listen, but it, like a lot of the things he flaunted, wasn't true. There was no girl waiting for him back home.

He parked in front of his building and turned the car off. For a moment, he thought about sitting as the day grew hot enough to bake him into the seat, but it was a passing glimmer of sorrow. After all, there were better ways to die.

Greg got out and locked the door, dragging himself up the steps and into his little place. There was no mail, not even a bill to look forward to paying. It was almost as if he didn't exist at all. He kicked a shirt out of his path and threw himself down on the couch. He grimaced and pulled the Playstation video game box out from under him, tossing it on the coffee table to join the rest of his collection. He needed to get out more.

Picking up the phone, Greg dialed the only number that he could think of. It brought a little smile to his face as he heard her answer.


"Hey Cath." There was no turning back now. He had taken the initiative, and now he was going to get his heart stomped on some more. He was used to it by now though. She and Sara had heart-stomping down to an art.

She sighed, and he was glad that it sounded more relieved than frustrated. "Hey Greg. What are you doing?"

"Just thinking about you."

So stupid. That's not what you're supposed to say.

"Lindsey's here you know. Besides, you remember what I said." How could he not? It had only crushed him a little bit more after all that had happened. He had tried, good lord had he tried, but it was never enough for her. He would never be enough for her.

"I know, I know. We aren't 'together', but still... you have to admit it was kind of awesome."

"Nothing I haven't heard before, but thanks. The thing is..." And he knew what the thing was, but it didn't make it hurt less.

He sighed. "I know. It was a moment of weakness... a one time thing. It was a tough case and you needed release. I get that."

But what about what I need? When am I going to count for anything in this world?

"Do you?"

Of course not.

"No, but I'm working on it. Goodbye Cath." He hung up the phone, feeling a little bleary-eyed, but he swore he wouldn't cry over her again. It just wasn't worth it anymore.

He looked over at the end table and the sun's reflection on a bit of silver caught his eye. Greg reached out and took it off the stand, turning it over in his hands. The razor was already stained with dried flecks of blood. His blood.

Greg pulled back the long-sleeved shirt and looked at the tiny scars that streaked across his wrists. Some of the cuts were still scabbed over, but most had already faded into eternal memories of what he had diminished to. They were never deep enough to kill, just enough to take the pain away for a while.

Not this time. This time, I'll do it right.

He brought the blade to his wrist and pressed against it until the skin was broken and blood seeped from the wound and onto his hardwood floor. He started to drag it across his skin, but still not deep enough.

He would do it right sometime, but not today.


I close my eyes, all I think about is you
I miss the girl that I once knew
A sleepless night, a dying wish
Please don't leave me here like this
-Amber Pacific-'the last time'-


Author's Note: So, it's done then. Thanks to all who have stuck with these little ramblings. There'll be a sequel because this kind of thing just screams for one. It'll be emotional, just to warn ya'll. Anyway, thanks falqwin... I'm just glad I don't write specifically for reviews. And thanks GottaGetGreg for the review... I hope I didn't disappoint you with this one.