Notes: This is the sequel to Trucks and Telephone Polls... the whole point of TATP was to get to write this... which is gonna be a series. Snoogins.

Rating: PG-13 for language and dead characters

Spoilers: Uuuh... it's alternate universe... where... y'know... Jess and Dean died. So. Yeah. Some stuff is fair game.

Disclaimer: NOT MINE. yo.

Summary: Jess and Dean died. Now what?

Jess and Dean are Dead

Pt. 1

The woman behind the desk paid them no mind, only typed on her computer.

Dean hunched forward, staring at her intently.

Jess slumped back, looking around. He reached into the pocket of his leather jacket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. He pulled one out, and then realized that it was made of sugar. "Aw... jeez..."

"No nicotine in heaven, Mr. Mariano," the woman informed him. "It's bad for your health."

Jess rolled his eyes. "I'm already dead."

"And whose fault is that?" Dean snapped, glaring back at him.

"Yours," Jess growled. "If you hadn't been stumbling around piss-assed drunk in the middle of the street, I wouldn't have had to swerve and hit a frickin' pole!"

"Mr. Forrester, Mr. Mariano, please compose yourselves," the woman ordered. "We don't have time for these paltry accusations. They hardly matter now."

"What... accusations?" Dean asked, squinting.

"Paltry," Jess snapped. "Get a dictionary."

"Mr. Mariano!"

He glowered off at nothing.

"I am Valerie. Your... well... I suppose social worker would be the most accurate term."

Dean blinked. "Social worker?"

"Dictionary, and hearing aid," Jess muttered. "Better make a shopping list."

Dean snarled. "Shut UP Jess!"

Valerie rose to her feet, anger in her green eyes. "Enough!"

Both boys fell silent.

She sighed. "Thank you. Now... as you both know... you're dead."

Both glared at her.

"Yes, yes. Tragic; annoying; and very inconvenient for both of you," Valerie went on. She sauntered out from behind her desk and paced in front of them. "If you'd lived, Jess, you would have had a career as a writer... and you, Dean... well... not such a dazzling future actually... but still... both of you suffered an awful fate."

"We know," they told her in unison.

Valerie sighed. "However; there is a reason for your situations."

"Okay," Dean said impatiently. "So... what is it?"

"You've been made guardian angels," Valerie stated.

Both stayed silent.

Valerie blinked. "Well?"

Jess got to his feet. "I'm leaving."

"What?!" Valerie cried. "You can't leave! I'm not finished!"

Jess shrugged, and headed for the door. He was blocked by an invisible force that sent him flying back into his seat.

"You are to sit and listen until I am finished," Valerie ordered.

Jess shifted in his seat.

"You have been made guardian angels," Valerie repeated. "You must work together to keep one young woman on the right path."

Dean sighed. "We have to?"

Valerie nodded. "It is required of you."

"For how long?" Jess asked.

"It is an undetermined amount of time," Valerie told them.

They stayed silent.

"Who is she?" they asked in unison, and then glared at each other.

Valerie picked up two manila folders from her desk and handed them out.

Jess gave the inside of the folder and glance and then shut it. "You're kidding... Right?"

Dean blinked up. "Rory?"

"I decline," Jess said.


"This sucks."

"Stop saying that," Dean snapped as they walked down the deserted streets of Stars Hollow. It was very late at night, and if Taylor had seen them, he would have been livid.

But Taylor couldn't see them.

No one could.

They were dead.

Jess pulled out his pack of cigarettes once more and placed one in his mouth, relieved that, even though he was a ghost on earth, his cigarettes were still made with nicotine instead of sugar. He lit it and took a drag.

Dean wrinkled his nose. "You're gross."

"You're stupid," Jess snapped. "We're even."

"Why do you have to be such an asshole?!" Dean yelled, stopping in the middle of the street. "What's your problem?!"

"You're my problem!" Jess growled. "This town is my problem. Being DEAD is my problem! RORY is my problem! And it sucks!"

"STOP SAYING THAT!"

"Oh, my god."

They both looked up, and there she was.

And there she wasn't.

Rory started running.

Jess rolled his eyes. "Not again. Rory!" He ran after her.

She stopped when he caught up to her. "You're dead."

Jess nodded. "Yeah, I am, how can you see me?"

"We're her guardian angels, dumb-ass," Dean snapped, catching up. "Of course she can see us."

Jess threw him a look. "I'm handling this, Bagboy."

"Not well," Dean commented.

"Shut up!"

Rory stared at them and then promptly fainted.