Jess and Dean are Dead #3

The biggest problem with the afterlife, Jess realized, was that worldly possessions were left… well… in the world.

And so, he had no books.



And he was going crazy. Out of his mind!

He wanted Ernest.

He wanted Ginsburg.

He'd even sit through goddamned Ayn Rand if it meant he could get his hands on a book. Any book! Pat the Bunny would have sufficed. The Stinky Cheese Man? Even better!

A very large plus to being dead, he realized, was that, if he concentrated hard enough, he could walk through walls.

The diner door, actually. It wasn't that he didn't know how to open the door, it was that if he did, the residents of Stars Hollow would have seen it open and then close with no one there to perform these action.

Rory was the only one who could see him.

He walked into the crowded diner slowly, and looked around. Kirk was at his usual table, Taylor was arguing with Luke at the counter, and Rory and Lorelai were watching them.

Until Rory turned around. Her eyes nearly bugged out of her head when she spotted him, right behind Taylor. She almost said something, but closed her mouth when Jess put a finger up to his lips.

And then he did something that, if he were still alive, would have possibly gotten him thrown out of town.

Taylor jumped back. "MY WORD!"

Rory slammed her head down on the counter to keep from showing her laughter.

Luke raised an eyebrow. "What's wrong with you?"

"Someone just… pulled up my pants!" Taylor cried.

Lorelai laughed out loud. "You got a ghost wedgie!"

Jess smirked, gave a shrug to Rory and made his way up to the apartment.

She almost got up to follow him, but then remembered she had no excuse to, since no one could see him.

Luke sighed, still giving Taylor an odd look. "I gotta go get a couple of things out of my desk. I'll be back." With that, he followed Jess up the stairs.

"What just happened?"

Rory smirked at Dean. "Jess gave Taylor a wedgie."

Dean sighed. "That jerk is gonna get us into so much trouble."

"Oh, don't be such a stick in the mud," Rory snickered. "It was funny."

"Babe… Who are you talking to?"

Rory blinked at Dean, who shook his head. "Uhm… no one. Why?"

Lorelai gave her an odd look. "You've been acting strange all morning. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah," Rory replied. "I'm fine."

Lorelai nodded. "I know what happened has been really hard on you… if you need to talk or…"

"I'm good."

Luke rushed down into the diner. "Stop it."

Rory blinked as Jess followed him. "Will you just listen to me!"

"No," Luke replied. "I will not listen to you, you are DEAD!"

And the whole diner went silent.

"Nice, going, Luke."

Luke snarled, grabbed Jess by the shirt collar and dragged him back into the storeroom.

Dean looked on in shock. "Did you just see…?"

"Uh-huh," Rory replied.

Lorelai gave her an odd look again.


"You're dead."

"Stop talking and listen!"

Luke shook his head. "No. Because you're dead! I picked out your coffin! I prepared all the food for your wake! Your books are still sitting up in my apartment!"

Jess sighed in relief.

"You're dead."

Jess nodded. "I know I'm dead! I'm… god, this is so lame! I'm a guardian angel."


Luke burst into laughter.

Jess rolled his eyes.

Luke kept laughing. "You… you're… a…. a g…"

"Yes, okay!" Jess cried awkwardly. "I am. I'm a guardian angel. Get it out of your system."

Luke laughed a little more and then sighed.


Luke nodded.

"I made a deal with my…supervisors," Jess told him. "If I do this whole guardian angel thing, I get to have contact with one other person besides my charge in the living world."

"What, I'm not your charge?" Luke asked.

Jess shook his head. "Rory is."

Luke squinted. "Rory?"

Jess nodded.

Luke snorted, and looked as if he might start laughing again.

Jess groaned. "You said you were done!"

Luke laughed harder. "Lied!"

"God, I hate you!"

"You can't hate me too much," Luke commented. "You picked me as your contact."

Jess sighed heavily. "Yeah…"

"Why me?"

"Do you know of anyone else on the mortal coil that I can actually stand?" Jess snapped.

"Point taken," Luke replied. "Jeez…Jeez! I can't believe this is happening!"

"You can't believe it?" Jess muttered. "I'm the dead one."

"That's just it!" Luke cried. "You're dead!"

"Haven't we been over this?"

"I'm just having trouble wrapping my head around this."

"Big surprise."

"I'm stuck with you and you're gonna act like this?" Luke snapped.

"Excuse me if I don't exactly hold my circumstances in high favor!" Jess hissed. "You think death, you think eternal rest! Do you see me resting!"

"Okay, okay, calm down," Luke said. "How long does this Guardian Angel thing last anyways?"

Jess shrugged. "They didn't say…God, I'm stuck with you, Rory and Dean for an unknown amount of time. I am in hell."


"He's Rory's other Guardian Angel," Jess explained.

"So, what, she's got you as the devil on one shoulder and Dean as they angel on the right?"

"I am not a devil!" Jess cried.

Luke laughed.


"We're aware that Luke is talking to himself in the storeroom, right?" Lorelai asked warily.

Rory nodded slowly, biting her lip. She looked down at her watch. "Hey, Mom? Shouldn't you get to the inn?"

Lorelai looked at her own watch and nodded. "Yeah. Keep an eye on Luke, okay?"

Rory nodded. "Will-do." She watched her mother go, and took a sip of coffee. "I'm going back there. You coming?"

Dean nodded. "I guess so, though neither of them can actually stand me."

"They're diner boys, they're picky," Rory replied. She got up and walked behind the counter to the storeroom. "Come on."

Dean followed her as she opened up the door.

There stood Jess, with his arms crossed, and a menacing glare on his face, while Luke was doubled over with laughter.

Rory blinked. "What…?"

"He thinks it's funny!" Jess yelled, obviously outraged. "The…guardian angel thing…the…It's not funny!"

Dean blinked. "I…have no idea what's going on."

"How is that different from any other time, Bagboy?" Jess snapped.

"Lay off, Jess," Dean warned.

"You don't get it!" he snarled. "I was just getting my life together! Things were actually going to be okay! And then…" He shook his head. "Forget it."

"How do you think I feel!" Dean cried. "I was married! Happily married! I had a job! Things were going great!"

Luke had stopped laughing, and Rory was staring at one boy, and then the other, until Jess stormed out. She sighed and rushed out after him.

Dean watched them with a shake of his head. "I'll…be around…or something." He walked out of the storeroom, leaving Luke to sit on a box, and stare blankly, still wondering how in hell things were the way they were.



He didn't reply. He watched his feet dangle off of the bridge, but where he once had a reflection in the water, there now was none.

Rory sat next to him slowly. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," he muttered. "I…we…Dean and I…we both got screwed over."

She nodded, and reached out to hold his hand, but failed. Her hand went right through his. Her face fell.

He sighed. "Perfect…"