Please note: This is my first fanfic here, so go easy on me. None of these characters belong to me- they are all Epic.
An Epic Crossover
(Yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck...)
(Killer Tomatoes get thrown at Batty... And start biting him.)
Time: During Jazz Jackrabbit 1. Jazz is still trying to find Eva, and Spaz is at home watching old reruns of "Kung Fu Action Hour", and ringing up long distance phone bills to someplace named 'Bolivia'- So sadly, my favorite bunny will probably not be in this story... Ah well. Jazz IS my second favorite.
"KILL THE RABBI..." (BOOOOM!) "Jeeze..." Jazz said, putting his gun down and wiping the sweat off his fuzzy forehead. "You know, if I didn't know any better, I'd say all these guys look alike. Good thing their all equally stupid-half of them don't even seem to know what a rabbit...OWW!" Jazz jumped in pain as a Swartzenguard snuck up behind him and slugged him. "OK... THAT did it." Jazz set the dial on his gun to roaster and took aim... But this Swartzenguard was a little more prepared then the others- rather then holding still and getting fried like a good turtle, he slapped Jazz's gun away with one of his massive claws. Jazz watched in fear as his weapon skidded to a halt a few feet away. "HA! Not so big and tough without your gun, ARE ya- Mr. Rabbit." Jazz looked solemnly at his opponent. He wasn't entirely defenseless. In fact, he HAD been taking some evening classes for unarmed combat at Vigilante Community College, but he wasn't sure if any of what he learned would be of any use against a muscle-bound lizard with a lid. "Oh well," he thought, "Not like I have much of a choice about now." With all his strength, Jazz threw an uppercut punch. "OW! HEY, ya little magician act reject... That hurt." The Swartzengaurd smacked Jazz in the kisser. Jazz shook his head. That was a punch from a swartzengaurd? Aside from a slight ringing in his ears, he felt all right. "Is that all ya got?" Jazz scoffed.
Then the reptile slugged him again.
"Is that all... ya got?" And again...
"Is that... alll... yaa..got?"
"Isss... thaaaaaaaat... alll... yaaaa... goooot?"
Jazz's brain was practically on the long trip to La-la land... but due to countless years of training in the field of super heroism, his body refused to allow himself to loose consciousness. "OK... Obvious that I can't beat him in a fist fight..." he said to himself. Changing tactics, Jazz took his bandana off (Oh look, Jazz has Hat hare.), jumped on top of the evil turtles shoulders and covered his eyes with said bandana. "HEY... Get offa me ya crazy rodent..." The swartzenguard started running wildly and trying to get the rabbit off his back. "NOBODY CALLS ME A RODENT!" Jazz said angrily. Spying a nearby cliff, he steered the evil turtle towards it. The Muscle-bound reptile stopped running as soon as he sensed the ground ending. He also stopped trying to shake Jazz and dedicated all his attention to regaining his balance. Jazz took the bandana off the turtles eyes, jumped off, and kicked him in the back.
Jazz exhaustedly looked over the cliff where his opponent met his end. "If I get through all this... I'm going to have to start working out more..." he promised himself. Then, moving over to his gun... Jazz collapsed on the grassy ground...
"Um... Mr... RABBIT?"
"Huh... Whaaat happened... Where am I?" Jazz regained consciousness, opened his eyes and saw a rather strange-looking creature. She looked like some kind of hairless tail less primate- well, not entirely hairless, she had a bunch of the stuff on her head. She was wearing some kind of odd Tarzan-style outfit. She also seemed to be a few feet taller then him. He had been taken to some kind of lagoon nearby a waterfall. "Well, I was just passing by and found you out cold." she said. "Looked like you've been beaten within an inch of your life, so I took you back here." Jazz stood up, noticing that except for a couple of bird claw shaped burn marks on his back, he was all right. His hostess, looked at the marks and muttered something about 'being a fire bird' and 'lucky he didn't burn up entirely'. "Well, thanks anyway for all your help. But I really got some important... um... stuff I need to do..." Jazz wasn't sure whether the affairs of the Rabbits and Turtles mattered much to this creature, but he didn't want to take any chances. "Um... Yeah- Me too... Important... Stuff..." Jazz picked up his bandana and gun, and started heading for, where he thought, was the right direction. "Hey- never caught your name." "Oh- sorry. Names Jazz, Jazz Jackrabbit."
"My name's Jill... Jill of the- Um... On second thought, just call me Jill."
Will this be continued?... Maybe- maybe not... Considering that I wrote it a couple years ago and never did more, not likely. But who know given the flighty nature of the Batty?
And yes, I do know that rabbits aren't rodents, but I didn't think that a Swartzenguard would know that...