Author's Notice: Remus/Lily. They're just perfect together. To all of my Remus/Lily fans...you guys rock my socks, even though there are only a few of you. :) Italics are so pretty. Wow, I'm writing early tonight. Finished 10:50 PM.
Disclaimer: All JK's
Song: You and I Both by Jason Mraz.
you and I both loved what you and I spoke of
and others just read of and if you could see now
well I'm already finally out of words.
"Lily Evans, right?"
"That'd be me. And you are..."
"Hello, pleased to meet you. I'm assuming you know me through James, who knows Sirius, who knows Peter who knows you. Right?"
"In one," he chuckled and her eyes sparkled as she continued pulling her heavy trunk.
"Sirius is a prat," she said openly, "a very attractive prat, if you like that wild and crazy kind of thing. Which I do sometimes. I guess."
"You just have to get to know him."
"Anyway, nice meeting you."
"You too, oh and Rem, Loo, Remus! Yeah, Remus! What house do you want to be in?"
"Gryffindor, is there any other?"
"So, Mister Remus Lupin, what are you up to?"
He laughed, something he did frequently at eleven, "not a thing. Getting used to Hogwarts."
"Get used to it? Silly! It's so beautiful!"
Remus shook his head, "it's awful lonely."
"You've got me and I'm as good as gold," she boasted.
He laughed heartily and she mimicked his laugh, "you are, are you?"
"Of course, dahling."
She plopped dow next to him on the grass and ruffled his hair and then she added, "such an old soul you are, Lupin."
"Are you an old soul too?"
"Dunno. Maybe. I'm a kid, aren't I?"
"I'm going back up to the castle. It's too windy to be down here, you'll catch a cold."
"I'll head up there later."
"So bossy, Evans."
"Yeah, yeah, so I'm told..." laughing "...see you around."
"Yeah, see you around."
"So, Remus, what are your views on Lucius Malfoy?" She said in a hopefully nonchalant tone, but failing.
He grimanced and took another sip of water. "Oooh, is Little Miss. Evans asking for my opinion?"
"Not when you say it like that," she snapped, "I'm asking for your views. No holds barred. Let loose."
"I think he's twelve times the prat Sirius is. I think he's a womanizer. I think he's smarter than he's given credit for and I think he's a true Slytherin."
"Why do you ask?"
"Because I'm currently involved with him," she said in a sophisticated tone and drank a sip of his water.
"Oh," Remus said, clearly feeling awkward.
"You know how it goes?" She asked and he shook his head.
"No," he said. "I'm not currently 'involved' with anyone, unless you count art. I painted a new picture today."
"Oh, really?" She asked, always eager to hear about his artwork.
"I painted the clouds," he said and a glaze washed over his eyes, "last night I came out here and lit my wand so I could see and just painted, for what seemed like forever. Remember how they looked last night? So beautiful."
"They were," she said, "so bloody beautiful."
He smiled and nodded.
"Can you paint the world, Remus?"
"I can try...some things aren't meant to be painted though, are they? Some things are too much to fit on a piece of paper..."
"I know," she whispered.
"Do you believe we've lived a life before this one, Remus, and a life before that, and then a life after this one..."
Remus smiled grimly and raked a hand through his thin hair, "does anyone ever really know?"
"It's not about what one knows and one doesn't know, about logic, about sense. It's about beliving...you never have to justify beliving. It is because it is." She caught his eye and knew he understood.
"I don't feel like I'm fourteen, if that's what you mean."
Lily picked at the grass and looked up at the sky. Not looking at Remus. "Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. When I'm with Lucius I'm nineteen: beautiful and charming. I am the perfect girlfriend. When I'm with you I feel like eleven year old Lily, rude, intelligent, silly. It's like living a double life, isn't it?"
"I'm happy...with Lucius, if you were planning on asking."
"I wasn't," he said curtly.
"I didn't imagine you were," she said in much the same tone. "But if you ever want to ask..."
"You're ready to answer," he supplied.
"How many months so far?"
"Nine...wow, doesn't 'Cissa hate you?"
"Hmmm, the girl who has loved Lucius since the day she was born? Don't know. Don't really care, really. Lucius has broken a lot of hearts and I'm lucky to get out alive. You suppose?"
She grabbed his hand and held on tightly. "Tell me I'm doing the right thing," she said desperately.
"But no one knows, Lily...no one, no one can even guess."
"Tell me I'm doing the right thing," she persisted, "don't think about it."
"I can't promise you anything," he said, shaking his head, and removing his hand from hers, "nothing...Lily. You must always remember to follow your heart. And that is all."
"But you love me. And that is enough."
"So tell me, Remus, dahling, who is the love of your life? Who's the lucky girl?" Lily asked as she pulled her hood up over her head, the rain began to pour.
"There isn't one," Remus stated.
"I'm single," was all she said, without being asked, as she ducked under a tree. "You know about Lucius and all. You saw it in the Great Hall. The explosion. The accusations."
"I did, and I hated every minute," Remus nodded, "Did he really do what everyone says he did?"
"That he cheated on me? Dated Narcissa? Oh yes. No one could make up that sort of thing. It's all very much so true."
"We all are, aren't we?"
"Pass the peanuts."
"Got a story to tell?"
"Yeah," she said after a minute and then a deep breath, "that I love you. That I'm scared. That I trust you. That you give me hope and faith, that after everything I've been through...it's always gonna be you."
"But Lily...James loves you..."
"Always, Remus. Always. Now you can give me a big fat kiss or you can sit here and deny everything we've been through together. Remus, I'm not eleven anymore. I'm sixteen and I know what I want and I know who I am, who you are. I know."
He smiled, laughing at her forwardness, and finally saying what he always knew...
"I love you, Lily."
And he kissed her.
"Eleven seems so long ago, doesn't it?" She asked lazily one afternoon.
"It does," he agreed.
"I miss it sometimes. All of the fun we had, all we do for fun now is go out and drink...." he chuckled as she continued "...we thought we were so grown up. You taught me everything I know, Remus. You ought to be proud. How to tie a tie, how to make the perfect coffee, how to love someone...I needed you, Remus. After Lucius, I needed you. You were it."
"I knew you'd come around," he said, holding her hand, "I just hoped I wouldn't have to wait too long."
"Remember? We'd come out here and skip potions. Or we'd grab some brooms from the shed and play quidditch, or just tell jokes."
"I remember all of that," he said, sounding very grown up, "life is different now. Because of the war."
"It scares me," she admitted, "I'm not used to this war stuff."
"We're all shocked," he said.
"You don't look shocked," Lily reasoned.
"Would I be crazy to say I saw it all coming?"
"I don't know, Remus."
"The world is a beautiful place, Lily. It's a secretive sort of beauty. The beauty of a leaf, or flistening water, a seventh year helping a second year with homework...it's all so quiet, Lily. No one ever notices it. It's so quick."
"Do you paint that?" She asked, eager.
"God, no. I couldn't. Real beauty, Lily. You can't just paint it up and make it a masterpiece. It's already a masterpiece."
"War, Lily, is caused by people not realizing beauty."
"And you mean to tell me you saw it coming all along?" She asked, beliving him, trying to understand.
"We see war every single day, Lily. We see it when a seventh year picks on a second year, we see it when someone ignores another human being ,we see it when someone betrays, when someone lies."
"But people don't die."
"A part of them does," Remus said, very quietly, "the most important part does. These people--they pick away at your heart until it's nothing, until it's just a hollow shell. You can't ever get that back, Lily. You can't ever make it better."
"Oh my God, Remus," Lily said, hugging him tightly, "I am so sorry that you've gone through that..."
They stood like that for a very long time.
"So, Remus, how many biscuits can I fit in my mouth?" She pointed to the full tin of lemon cookies beside them on the grass.
"I got ten galleons on seven."
Lily began stuffing the cookies into her mouth at a rapid pace, her cheeks getting bigger and bigger. Finally, when she couldn't fit anymore she slowly began taking them out.
"They have spit on them!" Remus said "your spit."
"So what, buddy, like you haven't seen it before..."
"Alright, let's count the biscuits," Remus said, changing the subject with a sigh.
Lily began counting as one by one she took them out of her mouth "three...four...five...six...seven...eight...nine! Nine!"
"I think you beat your old record of six," Remus said, shaking her hand. "Pretty good for a girl, Evans."
"I think it's good for anyone!" Lily insisted, wanting to be the best. "Darn good."
"Are you going to eat those?" said Remus pointing to the cookies without spit on them, in the tin.
"It's your turn to see how many you can stick in your mouth!" Lily said excitedly.
"Oh no..."Remus said as Lily smiled up at him. Just so happy.
"So James' charm got to you?" Remus asked off-handedly.
"I just love him," Lily said simply, "not like I love you."
"What does that mean?" Remus asked, pacing.
"It means I never stopped loving you, Remus. But we know, Remus, we know because we're not eleven anymore, the right thing and the wrong thing. This is my fate. This is my life. This is my time with James."
"You. Are. Such. A...."
"It's mean, isn't it? That I still love you and am engaged to Potter? It's so cruel. So awful. What I have been forced into. You believe in fate, don't you Remus? This is fate."
"Am I supposed to wait for you?" He asked, confused, unsure.
"You're supposed to live your life. You are supposed to go on. And that does not include waiting for me...in any way. Live your life, man."
"Will you be waiting for me?" Remus asked so quietly Lily almost let the tears fall.
"Always," she said, not missing a beat.
She threw her arms around his neck and just hugged him. She wanted to make everything right again but didn't know how.
He knocked on the heavy door of the tiny flat, the flat she shared with James. He felt very nervous as he straightened out his maroon tie. She opened the door looking flustered, tired. Her cheeks were very red, and she wore a homemaker's dress, her eyes looked less bright, but maybe that was just the light, but Remus didn't think so.
She took one glance at him and just started crying.
"Don't I get a hello?" Remus smiled as she threw her arms around his neck with such force he almost fell down. She sobbed and he kept whispering "shhhh, Lily, silly girl, shhhh."
But she didn't stop, and she sobbed even as she spoke. "You came back for me."
"Of course I came back for you."