There wasn't an event in her life that Kirsten didn't think about the baby she had never had, she'd always imagined that baby as another boy and every time she thought of him she regretted the decision she had made when she was 16. She and Jimmy had been in the middle of their on again off again relationship and when they she found out she thought they were off again permanently. She'd been alone in all of, she'd bought and took the pregnancy test by herself, she cried alone and then she had gone to the abortion clinic, alone. She and Jimmy got back together not long after that and she let herself put the thought of what she had done at the back of her brain. But after that real life set in and every major event she thought about the little boy that would never be part of her life.
When she and Sandy got married she couldn't stop from imagining him at five years old as her ring bearer. Wearing a black tux with a little red tie that matched the brides' maids dresses and carrying a little red pillow with the rings sitting on top. And that's why Kirsten had chosen not to have a ring bearer and instead the flower girl had the rings at the bottom of her flower basket. Just the idea of a ring bearer made her cry.
When Seth was born a year later she cried, the doctors blamed it on her hormones being all out of whack from the delivery, but Kirsten knew that wasn't why she was crying. Her imagination was so vivid Kirsten could see the little blonde boy peaking over the hospital bed railing hoping to get a peak of his new little brother. She could almost even hear the chatter about how the little boy couldn't wait for the baby to grow up so he could play with him and that only made her cry harder.
When Seth started school and almost immediately didn't fit in with the rest of the kids she couldn't stop herself from thinking that Seth's older brother would have helped him to fit in better in school. If Seth hadn't've been an only child his whole life he would have known how to get along with the other kids instead of starting years upon years of near shunning. And every time Seth came home from school with a bruised eye Kirsten couldn't help but blame herself, because she just knew that things would have been better if Seth had, had an older brother. And she cried for putting him through that.
And years later, when she did have two sons again things got better. Ryan played video games with Seth and took an interest in his comic books. Ryan finally helped Seth fit in with his peers, it was when Ryan came that he made friends. Ryan was the missing puzzle to Kirsten's family. He completed Seth. He completed Sandy. But most of all he completed her. And then in what felt like minutes her whole world was in pieces again, Ryan was gone. Seth was gone. She thought she'd made piece with what she'd done years ago, she'd opened herself up for the first time, ever, to Theresa and spoke about it. But suddenly with her world shattered Kirsten couldn't help but go back to the thought that if she had her first child he would be able to hold her family together, he would be able to keep her sons at home unlike she'd been able to do. And again she cried for everything that could've been.
Short, I know but I've been trying to get this idea out for awhile and finally it just came. Um, I hope you all enjoyed it, please review!