Author's Note: I've often wondered what Astrotrain was thinking when the Decepticons started fighting over who would be the next leader in Transformers: The Movie. This is my take on it. This story is written in Astrotrain's POV.

Disclaimer: Do I really have to repeat myself? I don't own the Transformers. I am writing this for the sheer hell of it. So send me a nice review. Flames will be used to roast critics and/or roast Unicron on a spit.

I Hate My Life

"Jettison some weight, or I'll never make it to Cybertron!"

Those were my words to Starscream. But, in hindsight, maybe I should've rephrased it. It wasn't exactly the brightest thing to say, considering the reaction.

"My fellow Decepticons, Astrotrain has requested that we lighten our burden," Starscream announced, his shrill voice grating on my already-strained nerves.

"In that case I say it is survival of the fittest!" one of the Constructicons shouted. I could already sense that there was gonna be trouble. Don't ask me how I knew. Maybe I'm psychic.

"Do I hear a second on that?" Starscream asked.

"Aye!" the more-or-less undamaged Decepticons shouted.

"And against?"

"Nay!" The negative came from the damaged Decepticons huddled by the hatch.

"The ayes have it!"

The intact Decepticons pushed the damaged Decepticons out of my cargo hold. I felt one's hand scrape against my hull, seeking something to hold onto before being thrown loose. Then a commotion inside my rear section caught my attention.

Starscream, what in the Inferno are you doing?!

Starscream, with an evil smirk on his face, was carrying the badly-damaged Megatron toward the open hatch. I could only watch, knowing what was about to happen.

"Oh, how it pains me to do this."

"Wait, I still function," Megatron rasped, struggling to move.

"Wanna bet?" Starscream pushed him out.

"STARSCREAM!" Megatron screamed as he vanished behind me.

Starscream shut the hatch and turned around, dusting off his hands. "Well, as Megatron has, how shall we say, departed, I nominate myself as the new leader!"

Now I knew there was gonna be trouble, and I got a sick feeling in my core processor. I knew that none of the others would take that lying down. There would be a brawl. I just hoped they'd leave me in one piece long enough to make it to Cybertron.

"Wait! The Constructicons form Devastator, the most powerful robot! We should rule!" Scrapper yelled at the screaming one.

"Soundwave superior, Constructicons inferior," Soundwave broke in.

"Who are you calling inferior?!" Bonecrusher snarled, optics blazing with fury, and I flinched even though I knew he wasn't glaring at me.

"Nobody would follow an unchaismatic boar like you!" Hook snapped.

Soundwave's response was to unleash his cassettes.

"Nobody calls Soundwave uncrasimatic!" Rumble yelled.

"Yeah, let's kick tailgate!" Frenzy added.

"Constructicons unite!"

Devastator rapidly assembled. I groaned. Did they really think my deckplates could handle that much weight? Fortunately, I didn't have to find out. Rumble and Frenzy used their piledrivers to shake Devastator apart, leaving my to contemplate the fascinating series of bruises I knew would be the result.

Just as I predicted, a fight erupted.

Damn you, Starscream. I'll get you for this, I swear!

The fighting going on inside of me was shaking me all over the star map. I couldn't keep to a straight path. The constant shifting of the weight I was carrying threw me out of line, and then I'd have to fight to get back into line. The moment I made it, they'd throw me off again.

I groaned to myself. Why couldn't we get a real shuttle? One that wasn't a Transformer? I was gonna be a mass of bruises when I finally got rid of my passengers, and I knew that the next time they used me for space travel, it would start over again. And I just have to be the only space shuttle of any kind we have.

I hate my life.

Fin.

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