Disclaimer: Neither of us own anything. For more information, please call 1-800-DON-TSUE! (Note: This is not a real number, We sincerely hope you're aware of that…)


Plot: Well, Weevil has taken over the world—but no need to fear! Yami will save the day!
You do know how, don't you? (-Yuugi)
(opens his mouth, then stops) (-Yami)
Well, maybe not… Told from the diary entries of the highly opinionated Ryou Bakura, currently off his antidepressants and third person narrative during the adventures of the HETEROSEXUAL Thief Bakura. Is rated "R" due to bad implications involving that of Yami Bakura, Yami Malik and Tristan's power tools.
Genre: Humor/Romance/Suspense/Horror/Supernatural/Science Fiction/Fantasy
Parings:

Yami no Yuugi/Yuugi (hinted) (SLASH!)
Yami no Malik/Yami no Bakura (SLASH!)
Anzu/Honda
Pegasus/Various Inanimate Objects (Hey! We said it was weird.)
Anzu/Pegasus (for a record time of ONE- MINUTE!)
Shizuka/Seto
Jounouchi/Mai
Isis/Yami no Yuugi (one-sided)
Isis/Dartz
Honda/Otogi (SLASH!)
Anzu/Siegfried


Warning: Rated M (R) (Restricted) Is rated "R" due to bad implications involving that of Yami no Bakura, Yami no Malik and Tristan's power tools.
-Imperfect Paradise (Yamiko) & Somebody Else (Mihoshi)

The Ladybugs Have Turned Belligerent
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By Imperfect Paradise & Somebody Else


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-Chapter Four-
"Appricots!"


Day IV –

Well, today Duke tried to hide Pegasus's hammer from him, holding it for ransom and demanding his armbands back (They were conspicuously missing this morning). On an interesting and disturbingly relevant note, I saw another version of myself again and I think "I" might have stolen them. However, this other me seems more like my Yami. In addition, I noticed that he was hiding several shiny things (shiny, for I saw glints of light emanating from them) under his clothes—or, in the words of Joey "BLING! VV007!" I know what you're thinking, but my Yami is definitely still locked up with Marik. Moreover, I know I'm not just seeing myself in the mirror because Joey has destroyed all the mirrors. He said something about trying to fool the evil dog demons they keep in the mirror world to fool the spiders into not eating the mosquitoes. What he doesn't realize is that he's wearing a headband with dog-ears on it. I don't know who put the ears on him, and I don't know how he managed to NOT NOTICE, but there you have it. Of course, Mai is furious. She really likes mirrors. Her shrieking was only rivaled by Duke's. I swear he was not born male. It kind of makes me pity Pegasus that he was so completely humiliated by a guy who isn't even a guy.

Of course, Pegasus said he knew nothing of the missing adornments tried to read Duke's mind and (of course) failed miserably. Because where the seat of his power once lay, there is now nothing but a gaping, bloody hole. Mai and Tea, being the sensitive, caring people they are, made him a makeshift eye patch out of one of Joey's shirts. Also, after much screaming on Pegasus' part, (and much eye rolling on the girls' part), they even drew little funny bunnies on it with colored markers (where they got art supplies, I don't know). Of course, Pegasus needed a new look to go with the eye patch, so the girls gave him a makeover.

They let him keep his suit, but made him take off the shirt under it (you know, the one with the ruffles that only a flaming homosexual would wear-- I was surprised when I realized that Pegasus was not only straight but had, at one point, been married). They altered the suit a bit so that the pants rode low on his hips, and then they altered the jacket so that it showed considerably more of his chest. Then they heavily outlined his remaining eye in dark kohl. Lastly, they pulled back his hair so that the world could see his happy, shining face (Tea's words-- NOT mine!). I believe the girls are much better equipped to deal with boredom then they let on.

The overall effect is that he is now under the delusion that he is The PIRATE Judge Pegasus (yes, he even screams "PIRATE" when he says it), even though he still hasn't found his mallet. He's resorted to banging his funny bunny plushy on things. He looks so pathetic I'm almost want to tell him that I saw Duke put the mallet in the bottom of his sleeping bag ('his' referring to Pegasus's) But only ALMOST. I have finally gotten rid of the headache I didn't even notice I had. Nevertheless, before my moment of relief, there was this one problem when it briefly became decapitated. Thank god for Tea—who brought out some masking tape (Jesus Christ, where do they keep all of this?)

Shortly after the Pirate Judge had his makeover, Duke's die went missing, and he immediately blamed Pegasus. However, I couldn't help noticing that Mokuba seemed to be hanging around Duke's area a lot. While they were fighting over the missing die, trench- coat clad Kaiba (and I would like to add that a trench coat is ALL he was wearing) snuck out and snagged a bottle of Chardonnay. This broke out a whole new fight, giving Mokuba the opportunity to snag a bottle of merlot. Of course, they're stealing these bottles from a sloppily erected pillow fort that The PIRATE Judge Pegasus has dubbed "The Judicial CHAMBERS, DAMNIT!" Of course, he may have only said the last part because he accidentally dropped and broke a bottle of wine on his foot. After which he mysteriously screamed "NO! CECELIA!" I think he's the only one here who needs therapy more than my Yami. Except maybe Marik. Those two are both pretty creepy. On a side note, Duke and Pegasus are still bickering. The noise is persistent and obnoxious enough to bring my headache. Don't get me wrong—I do want my Zoloft—but I want aspirin even more—god damnit…

My Yami stopped by to ask what happened to our millennium ring, but neither one of us are overly concerned since it no longer contains a soul, and therefore is useless (it needs soul energy to feed off before it can do anything). His reasons for wanting it is because he wants to pose like Rose from Titanic for Marik—however, (to them) no romantic moment is complete without the use of shiny, sharp, dangerous and (if possible) blood-coated objects. Just thinking about that sickening display makes me glad that it is gone. I also noticed that when Yugi and Yami took their showers, neither had their millennium puzzle. Malik's Millennium Rod has also gone astray. He tried to ask Marik but wasn't brave enough to open the door and split for the safety of the Living Room.

Other items conspicuously missing: Malik's armbands (He's erected a pillow fort with pillows stolen from The Judicial CHAMBERS, DAMNIT! and is lobbing dried apricots at all who look at him), several spoons from the kitchen, and half of Marik's can opener (DON'T ASK).

The beeping from the back of the pantry persists.


"Yes… YES! I HAVE GATHERED THE TEN RINGS OF POWER! MHU-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Bakura's eyes gleamed wickedly (and awkwardly enough, they were bright metallic red). After ten minutes of evil laughter, (Damn—how exactly does everyone sleep through all of this? The world may never know…)

(in the other room)

Ryou is rocking back and forth—his eyes are wide open. He is whispering while shaking, "Zoloft... I want… my Zoloft…"

(Back to THIEF Bakubunnie)

With that, he stopped in his laughter. O.O? " Now what?" He pondered for a moment. "Oh yes—the DVD!" With that, he reached for the DVD with his HETEROSEXUAL hand and inserted it into the PS2. The PS2 logo flashed across the screen…

But then it went black.

Bakura narrowed his HETEROSEXUAL eyes and hissed, "Shit… Not again…" With that, he reached into his red robes and pulled out a large battery. He opened of the adapter in which the PS2 was hooked up to, and pulled out the battery. He tossed it over his shoulder, however, since our HETEROSEXUAL Bakubunnie was in a very confined space, it just ricocheted off the wall behind him and hit him in the head (making a slightly echo-y "thunk"- type sound that made you wonder in there was anything in there.) Growling, Thief Bakura threw the battery out of the fridge where it skidded to a halt in the doorway of the kitchen, and inserted the other one in. The DVD started up again; however, it wasn't what he expected.

Yeah, um… the makeup was extremely difficult. We had several people assisting us—

Thief Bakura muttered, "Oops. Wrong disk."

With that, he ejected the DVD and threw it out the door. The DVD (now shattered) joined the old battery, empty Nestle Drumstick wrappers, some Pokemon cards, garlic leaves and a Lucky Charms cereal box. Bakura smiled happily. He had traded some nice, shiny spoons to Tea for some of his favorite foods, and he had even managed to secure a more reliable means of income. Yes, he had found some rather interesting things to cultivate in the basement….

(The Flashback)

Joey had been sleepwalking when he fell into the basement. Which was strange because it had been almost noon, but considering dear Bakubunnie's own nocturnal tendencies, who was he to criticize? Joey had actually been crawling around behind the hot water heater in the kitchen and mumbling something about puppies and spiders when it had happened. Bakura had been watching Joey and wondering if it would be worth it to murder him and sell off his liver to Pegasus (he could sell the extra parts for food; although Bakura seemed indiscriminate about what went into his mouth, he actually refused to eat any meat that had more then 10 fat, and Joey still had his puppy fat so he was at least 30). Then, quite abruptly, Joey wasn't there. Apparently, there was a hole behind the water heater that led to a basement that had never been repaired, but had instead been covered with a blanket. Like that would keep people from falling through. Then again, who crawls around behind hot water heaters? Other then sleeping idiots nobody cares about, I mean.

Well, anyways, Bakura went to investigate, and what do you think he found? No, not gold. No, not a harem of well-trained concubines either. He found mushrooms. At first glance, they looked like Shitake mushrooms, but from the looks of the rats, they were actually something much more interesting. After giving the (still sleeping Joey) a boost out of the cave (Where he stupidly wandered into Tea's path as she rushed to the aid of a rather decapitated plush, thus creating a distraction that worked greatly to Bakubunnie's advantage), Bakubunnie managed to get a better look around the basement. At first, he didn't realize what was making the rats so high. At first he thought it might have something to do with the strange moss growing on the walls, but then it occurred to him that it might just be something about the water that seep from every crack in the room. On the other hand, maybe it was just the insane heat. Then Bakura sat down to think about and munch on an apparently harmless mushroom. Except that it wasn't just a mushroom. Bakura didn't realize this until a few hours of philosophisizing with the local rats, but nobody was ever to know that. Bakura realized that as long as he was careful not to get addicted himself he could have a very useful source of income here. However, just to be sure, he decided to test the mushrooms out on the others the next day. After all, it could be the heat.

With that in mind, he gracefully pulled himself back up into the kitchen and set off to steal some "rings."

(Flashback)

Three were given to the elves, immortal, wisest and fa—

Bakura hit the fast-forward button (his HETEROSEXUAL eyes narrowing dangerously), but he didn't hold it for very long for he had come to the part where he had left off...

Seven to the Dwarf Lords, Great Miners and craftsmen of the Mountain Holes...

Bakura was about to do this evil laugh when—

And nine, nine rings were gifted to the race of men—who above all else, desire—

POW! Bakura's HETEROSEXUAL fist made contact with the PS2, sending it into the meat crisper. His eyes were twitching dangerously. He remained this way for several seconds, until...

(Ten seconds later)

The sounds resounding through the halls went unheard by most (In Pegasus's case, hearing voices nobody else noticed was perfectly normal, and Joey was too stupid to realize that the noise was not, in fact, the spiders trying to break through the mirror shards. eye roll). Except, of course, for Mokuba, who crawled into Tea's bed this time insisting that the polar bear was having the Blue Eyes over for tea and they were plotting a revolution against Seto. Tea actually had to get up and make him hot cocoa to get him to go to sleep again. Of course, Tea wasn't surprised poor Mokuba thought that, what with the screams coming from down the hall and the moans coming from the closet. No wonder the poor boy was scared. Tea decided to have a talk with everyone tomorrow.

About the same time Tea got Mokuba to go back to sleep, Thief Bakura had decided to calm himself down and watch the whole friggin' movie all at once so that there wouldn't be anymore nasty surprises.


- TO BE CONTINUED-


Random Note: Note! (Yamiko speaking) Please know that I cannot update this on my own. This is a partnership fiction with Somebody Else, and I can only work on this fiction while I am with her, and since we both have a life (meaning this is doubly hard to work on than my other fictions) you're just going to have to wait.