DISCLAIMER: Cowboy Bebop and all of those crazy characters are owned by somebody other than me. Like, um... Bill Gates or somebody like that. I'm sure he could probably buy Cowboy Bebop. He could buy anything, actually. I envy him.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: As you know, the Cowboy Bebop movie takes place in between Sessions 22 and 23. In Funny Sessions, Andy did NOT leave after episode 22. So, that means he'll be playing a prominent role in the movie (since in the Funny Sessions canon, he's still a member of the Bebop crew). So don't be confused by Andy being in the movie.


Review Thanks- (Time to thank all of my reviewers!)

Fleur-de-Lis: Thank you! You're... in love with me? How nice! I dunno, though. You're 18, I'm (almost) 16... I don't think it would work out. But you're really sweet! And I have read "Teh Wurst Cowboy Beebop Fanfiction EVAR"... it's not bad! I'm that good, eh? Thank you!

Kendra Luehr: Different and funny? Thank you! And nighty night, LOL...

Magnum375: Welp, that time is now! (For the second half I mean.) Thanks for reading!

Jen: Yeah, I knew somebody would like that Comic Book Guy. Best. Cameo. Ever. Hee... thanks!

The Review Guy: Yes, I played Superman 64 for a very, very short time, and it was as bad as they said. Very horrible game. That girl from the convenience store was cute, that's why I had Andy save her so much! Thankuu!

Tangerinekidd32: Uh-guh-buh-guh-guh-buh-guh.... hee, thanks! And Spike watching Passions was completely random of me. Glad you enjoyed it!

Mossygirl: Thank you! Glad I could make ya laugh!

TeaRoses: Thanks for reading! And that's what I tried ta do, make the title funny! Hee, I love Ed... I wish more people were like her! BTW, I read your profile, and you're probably the oldest person to read one of my stories. I actually feel honored having an adult enjoy my writing so much! (Since I haven't shown these to either of my parents... ;;;)

Katers: hugs Thank you! And happy birthday! I told ya I'd be back, didn't I tell ya? Hope ya had fun in NYC (the greatest city in the world!) I love song parodies and I love making them! And I've downloaded the whole movie track... Cosmic Dare rules. Anyway, yep, Spike does watch Passions! Well, in my story anyway. And I love watching voice actor documentaries... Melissa Fahn and Ed have like, the exact same voice! How cute! So anyway, thanks again for reading and liking this so much! Have a nice day!

Phobia: The Very Secret Diaries? I think I need to read those! But thanks for saying I'm almost as good as those, hee... and I did enjoy that Rashid scene quite a bit. Rashid definitely rules! Thanks for reviewing!

NessacusGirl: hugs Thank you a bunchnesh for reviewing... ya had quite a bit of trouble putting it up, I shouldn't have made ya go through all that! Thankuu muchness though! And goooooo Samurai Andy! Andy is like the quintessential "save-the-girl" character. I'm serious! Spike doesn't like girlies enough to fill that role but Andy's the ultimate hero! Hee, Andy going psh at Jet... and yep, Spike does watch Passions! I miss Timmy too, poor little dude... moment of silence Yay, Ed has a crush on Samson! I mean, they ARE both hackers after all, hee! And bad bad Spike! And cute Edward! gives Ed a hug Anyway, thanky kuu for reviewing!

Spiffy: This is why maybe you should have a bedpan or something nearby when reading my stories... or go to the bathroom first. Or something like that, I dunno. But thanks for reviewing! You love me too? Oh wow, wow... um... ;;;

IluvRikku12: Hee, thanks! When ya posted that everybody IMd me at once and it was funnynesh. Hee... but thanks for your praise! See ya on AIM!

Sailor V: The best? Thank you! And I will keep it up! See, I'm writing right now!


The intermission is over. Get back to your ing seats right now!


After having beaten on Andy for ten straight minutes, Spike sat down at the couch to watch TV while Andy ran to the infirmary to nurse his wounds.

"Well, I missed Passions, but if I'm lucky, I can still catch One Life To Live!" Spike said. "That Mitch is a real prick."

Just then, the small phone on a table next to the couch rang. Spike picked it up.

"Hello?" Spike answered. "Oh, it's you, the Mayor. You want me to save the day again? But... but One Life To Live is on!"

Spike sighed.

"Alright, alright, get onboard the monorail, Vincent's there, yada yada yada," Spike said. "You old bastard."

"Spike, wouldn't it be better if you hung up the phone BEFORE you insult the guy on the other end?" Jet answered.

"Hey, when you're a Powerpuff Girl, you can hang up whenever you like," Spike said. "But until then, don't talk."

Spike hung up the phone and ran out the door. Just then, Andy stumbled into the room.

"Icy-Hot is NOT a lubricant," Andy said matter-of-factly.

"Eh?" Jet said.


Meanwhile, out in the city, Electra was driving down the road in her $50,000 Hummer. Yeah, I know she didn't have a Hummer in the movie. But c'mon, she's a hot chick!

"Yeah, stompin-in-my-Air Force Ones," Electra sang. "Stompin' in my Air Force Ones..."

Just then, a yellow light appeared in the sky, with a black silhouette of Electra in the middle. Electra gasped.

"It's the Electra Signal!" Electra shouted. "I'm on my way!"

Electra did an illegal u-turn with the Hummer and sped off toward the monorail.


Spike ran as fast as he could toward the monorail, a large train precariously dangling in the air.

"Damn, I would not want to ride that thing everyday..." Spike said. "I mean, it's like the subway, only it's hanging in midair. That would scare the hell out of me. But a cowboy's gotta do what a cowboy's gotta do!"

With a super-high leap, Spike jumped through the window of the monorail and landed in the aisle. Electra, already sitting in one of the seats, gave him a dirty look.

"You're late," Electra said. "And besides, this is my job. I'm catching Vincent."

"Hell no," Spike said. "Vincent's mine. And if you don't like it, you can kiss my-"

"Hey, do you mind?" Vincent shouted from the back of the train. He was facing away from Spike and Electra, and his hands appeared to be down near his lap. "I'm playing with myself."

"Oh, that's nasty!" Electra shouted. "In public?"

"That's like that Pee-Wee Herman guy," Spike said. "I used to respect him, and then the cops arrested him for doing that in public. Vincent, you are one sick puppy."

Spike walked up to Vincent and spun him around, revealing that Vincent had only been playing his marble game.

"See?" Vincent said. "You made me spill my marbles. That's very rude."

"Eww...." Spike said, holding his nose. "You smell like blood."

"Oh yeah, that," Vincent said. "Well, you see, the thing about that is... I've been killing people..... d'oh!"

Electra got up and ran at Vincent, pointing her gun at him.

"Reach for the sky!" Electra shouted.

"Hey, that's my line!" Spike yelled. He punched Vincent hard in the face, causing him to fall back into the wall.

"Eat this!" Vincent shouted, rubbing his hand in Spike's face.

"What was that?" Spike asked.

"Well, I've been playing with myself, and I just rubbed my hand in your face," Vincent said. "Isn't that nasty?"

"Really?" Spike said. He began wiping his face with his sleeve. "You're sick, man!"

Vincent used the distraction to run past Spike and Electra into the other car, being careful to shoot all of the innocent bystanders as he ran just to prove what an evil bastard he was. Spike and Electra followed Vincent into the next car, pushing and pulling at each other as they did.

"He's mine!" Spike shouted.

"No, I want him!" Electra yelled. "You jerk!"

Spike pushed Electra down and ran into the next car. He took out his gun and pointed it at Vincent. Vincent pointed his gun at Spike.

"It's an old-fashioned stand-off, Vincent," Spike said. "So what'cha gonna do, little buckaroo?"

"Shoot me," Vincent said. "I dare you."

"I double dare YOU to shoot ME," Spike said.

"I triple dare YOU to shoot me," Vincent said. Just then, Electra walked into the room.

"Juveniles," Electra groaned, shaking her head in disgust.

"I triple double dipple nipple dare you to shoot ME," Spike said.

"Oh yeah? Well, I invoke the power of the super-duper paratrooper infinity sudden death dare of the Apocolypse to dare you to shoot me!" Vincent shouted. "So there."

"You suck," Spike said. He shot at Vincent, but Vincent dodged easily. Spike ran at Vincent and punched him hard in the face, knocking him to the ground. He dove to the ground and grabbed Vincent by the collar.

"Damn," Vincent said.

"Ha ha, got you!" Spike shouted. "What now?"

"I can't BELIEVE you guys!" Electra yelled. "You're acting like complete juveniles! You're embarrassing yourselves AND me in front of all of these people, and I'm not going to take it anymore. I'm taking both of you bad boys home right now."

Spike began to cry.

"Sorry, mommy..." Spike sniffled. "I promise to be good..."

Vincent saw his chance. He grabbed Spike's nipple and twisted it as hard as he could.

"Purple-nurple!" Vincent shouted. Spike screamed in pain.

"Aaaaaaaaah!" Spike screamed. "That really, really hurts!"

Vincent got up and shot Spike in the chest. Spike passed out.

"That was low and dirty, Vincent," Electra said.

"I know," Vincent said, smiling. He picked up Spike's unconscious form and tossed him out of the monorail. Spike fell until he splashed down in the river below. "Well, now that he's taken care of... I can do this!"

Vincent took out one of his marbles and threw it to the ground, sending up a huge cloud of deadly nanomachine virus dust. Everyone still alive on the monorail breathed it in and died horrible, horrible deaths, leaving Electra and Vincent alone in the train. Since both of the pilots were dead, the monorail crashed and fell into the river. Electra fell to the ground, hurt from the impact.

"Darn you, Vincent..." Electra stammered.

"Looks like I win this round!" Vincent shouted, backing up toward the door of the monorail. "I'd finish you off, but I've got to get back to my love slave. She's about to wake up!"

Vincent leapt out of the monorail and disappeared.

"I'll get you next time, Vincent!" Electra shouted, shaking her fist. "Next tiiiiiiime!"


Spike floated out in limbo, dark and alone. Well, mostly alone. He had bumped into Jimmy Hoffa a few minutes ago. After that, he bumped into Jet.

"Spike," Jet said. "You lost."

"I know, I know..." Spike groaned. "Jet, what are you doing here?"

"I dunno," Jet said. "But you'd better wake up."

"Unnh.... five more minutes," Spike groaned.

"NOW!" Jet shouted.


Spike, heavily bandaged from his fight with Vincent, woke up next to a campfire, set up right in the middle of the city park. An Indian mystic and a wolf were sitting across from him. Spike screamed.

"Aaaah! A wolf!" Spike shouted. "Don't let him eat me.... please?"

"Oh, that's just Wolfie," the mystic said. "He only bites white men."

"But I am a white man," Spike said. "Aaaaaah! He's gonna eat me!"

"Nah, it's okay," the mystic said. "He only bites white men who have broken treaties with our people."

"Oh," Spike replied. "Wait, why am I here?"

"Well, your friend Jet paid me a great deal of money to give you an inspirational pep talk," the mystic said. "Long, long ago, there was a great warrior."

"I see," Spike replied.

"And this warrior was the greatest warrior in all the land. But one day, this warrior fought a vicious enemy. He fought valiantly, but he still lost."

"That's sad...." Spike said.

"But when he recovered, he trained long and hard to-"

Spike began snickering.

"What's so funny?" the mystic asked.

"You said long... and hard," Spike said, still snickering. "Heh heh. Heh heh."

"Look, you. Your buddy is paying me 100,000 wulongs an hour to talk to you, so it's his money you're wasting by making this harder!" the mystic shouted. "Anyway, he trained, and he trained, until finally, he was stronger than he had ever been. He went back and faced the enemy... and do you know what happened?"

"No," Spike said. "What happened?"

"He lost again," the mystic said. "And this time, the enemy finished the job. The moral of this story... no matter how hard you train, the enemy will always be stronger. Remember that."

"What was that?" Spike yelled. "You're supposed to inspire me!"

Spike began shivering.

"Now I'm scared to die..." Spike said, with a hint of fear in his voice. "You're not doing a very good job."

"Yeah, well, for 100,000 wulongs an hour, what do you expect?" the mystic asked. "You get what you pay for."

"I'm going back to sleep..." Spike said. He flopped down onto the ground and fell asleep. The mystic's wolf began to lick his face.

"No, don't eat him," the mystic said. "The longer he sleeps, the more we can charge his friend."


"Spike, wake up!" Jet shouted. Spike sat up again.

"Where are we?" Spike asked.

"The park, you retard," Jet replied. "Spike, you did something really stupid trying to take Vincent on. He is one tough hombre."

"Is that all?" Spike asked.

"Spike, I order you never to play with Vincent again," Jet said. "You are grounded, mister!"

Spike had fallen asleep.

"Now I'm making it two weeks," Jet said.


Back at Cherious Medical...

"Electra, you did something really stupid," said the old-looking official man sitting behind a desk. "You went out and played with that Vincent fellow."

"I told her not to do it, but she wouldn't listen!" yelled the younger man. "And she called me a penishead."

"Is this true?" the older-looking man asked.

"He's a liar, sir," Electra said. "And Vincent had to be stopped!"

"I don't care," the older man said. "Electra, you are grounded."

"Ha ha!" the younger man shouted, pointing and laughing at Electra.


Meanwhile, at the police station....

"We have been getting lots of calls from people saying that cops are useless," the police chief said. "And it's you two's fault!"

"I am so sorry," Detective #1 said. "But it's all my associate's fault, sir. He keeps sneezing and getting locked up in safes."

"If everyone wasn't so paranoid about my allergies, it wouldn't happen!" Detective #2 shouted.

"Well, anyway, we've got a lead on who we think might be doing all this bad stuff," the chief said. He pulled up a picture of Lee Samson on a computer screen.

"Uh, why is there a big read "DECEASED" stamp over his picture?" Detective #1 asked.

"I think it's a tattoo," the police chief said. "Anyway..."

"No, I really think that guy is dead," Detective #2 said. "Why would the-"

"Look!" the police chief shouted. "He's not dead, he's the leader of the terrorist group, and you two are incompetent! Go get him!"

"Fine," Detective #1 said. "Let's go, #2."

"Okay," Detective #2 said. Suddenly, he began coughing and sneezing. "Uh-guh-guh-buh-guh-buh-guh!"

"Quick, quarantine him!" the chief shouted. "He's got the virus!"

"Just allergies, sir," Detective #2 said. "Uh-guh-buh. Guh-buh. Guh. Whew, there, it stopped."


Back aboard the Bebop...

"You... got beat?" Andy shouted. "This is a glorious day!"

"Shut up, Andy," Spike said, lying on a couch and heavily bandaged. "It's not like you'd be able to beat him."

"Au contraire!" Andy shouted. "I can beat anyone, for I am... Cowboy Andy! Plus, the law of Pwnage states that-"

"The law of Pwnage?" Jet asked.

"Be quiet," Andy replied. "The Law of Pwnage states that if A B and B C, then A C! And since B is Vincent and C is Spike, if I pwn Vincent then I pwn Spike as well, making me better than him!"

"Even Edward doesn't know what you're talking about," Edward said. "And Ed talks weird all the time!"

Edward clung to Spike's injured leg. Spike moved it up and down, trying to shake her off.

"Edward, stop..." Spike groaned.

"Okay, Spike-dude!" Edward shouted, leaping off of Spike and crawling over to her computer.

"Anyway, I'm going to go pwn Vincent now," Andy said. "See you, space cowboys! Mwahaha!"

Andy hopped onto Onyx's back and rode out of the Bebop.

"He's going to die," Spike said. "This is the best day of my entire life!"

"La la la," Edward sang. "Ed will sing a solo song! La la la... this is the song that never ends... yes it goes on and on, my friends!"

"Oh no," Jet said, shaking his head as Edward typed and sang.

"Some people, started singing it, not knowing what it was... but they'll just keep on singing it forever just because this is the song that never ends..."

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, ED, FIND SOMETHING!" Spike shouted. He clutched his injured manboob. "ARGH! That purple-nurple still hurts!"

"Ed will sing something else," Edward said. "About circles! La la la... circles are pretty..."

"Miss Pac-Man is sexy," Jet said. "She's like, almost a circle, right? She can munch my Power Pellets anyday..."

"Jet, that's sick," Spike said.

"Found it!" Edward shouted. "Ed found the ultimate secret!"

Jet looked at the screen. He turned anyway in disgust.

"Ed, that's a pornographic website!" Jet shouted. Ed looked at the screen.

"Ewwwwwwwwww!" Ed shouted. "Icky-picky pop-up banners!"

Edward clicked to close the pop-up. Another pop-up opened.

"Spikey, look! Edward can win an X-Box!" Ed shouted. "Victory for Edward!"

"Ed, that's another pop-up!" Jet shouted. Edward clicked to close it... and three more pop-ups appeared it its place.

"Aaaaaaaah!" Edward shouted. "Pop-up INVASION! Swookie..."

More and more pop-ups appeared. Finally, the number of pop-ups grew too high. Edward's computer crashed.

"Nooooooo!" Edward screeched. "All that hard work! Nooooo!"

"I'm going to find Rashid," Spike said, standing up. "He doesn't have pop-ups. Unless he gets a pimple or something."

Spike began to walk toward the door.

"Wait, Spike!" Jet shouted. "You're grounded!"

"Oh, hush up, old man," Spike said. "You're harshing my groove."

Spike walked out the door.

"Edward found it again!" Edward shouted. "Macadamia nuts!"

"Spike just left, Edward," Jet said. "And.... ooh, click here to receive free Barney videos for a month? I am SO there."


Meanwhile, at Cherious Medical...

"I'm grounded, Steve," Electra said, handing the white-coated lab researcher a small test-tube.

"What did you do this time?" Steve asked.

"Harris said I called him a penishead," Electra said. "But I know he's just a big fat liar."

"Aww.... that really sucks," Steve said. "Anything I can do to cheer you up?"

"Find out what's in that blood sample," Electra said. "That'll make me really happy."

"Happy enough to have sex with me?" Steve asked. He immediately slapped his forehead. "Oops, that was stupid. Stupid Steve! Stupid stupid..."

"Well, okay," Electra said. "See, I have this weird feeling that the world's going to end, and I really don't want to die a virgin. Let's do it on Halloween night, okay? I'll wear that witch costume you think is sooooo sexy."

Electra left.

"THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE!" Steve shouted. "Well, behind that day when I did really good on that arcade game and saw Sporky Dorky. That was awesome."


Meanwhile, at Vincent's apartment...

Faye woke up, and immediately found that her hands were tied behind her back, and her legs were also tied.

"Oh geez, I hope Ed doesn't find out about this.... I'll never live it down, after I told her this wouldn't happen," Faye groaned. "Wait a minute... I'm lying on a shag carpet!"

Faye looked around. Vincent's apartment had been turned into a makeshift "shag pad" straight out of Austin Powers, with lava lamps, love pillows, psychedelic lighting, and of course, a pink shag carpet. Vincent walked up to her.

"Hey, baby. How do you like my looooooooove pad?" Vincent asked.

"Why hadn't that dumb virus of yours killed me?" Faye asked.

"Oh, I put it in you," Vincent said.

"WHAT?" Faye shouted. Vincent waved his arms.

"No, no, not that, baby! Well, yet, anyway. I just gave you some of my blood!" Vincent said. "It's got the vaccine in it. Groovy, huh?"

"Kidnapping me and tying me up is not groovy," Faye said. "Kinky and erotic, maybe. But not groovy. Wait... you're the creepy guy. AAAAAAAAAAAH! SOMEBODY HELP ME!"


Spike wandered around the Middle Eastern district, looking for Rashid.

"He sure is elusive," Spike said, sitting on the steps of a large building and lighting up a cigarette. Just then, Rashid walked up to Spike.

"Did you like the vase?" Rashid asked.

"No, it's tacky and it's too big and Ed's playing in it too much," Spike said. "I liked the pot more. Well, if Jet hadn't stolen it."

"You're having a rough day, my friend," Rashid said.

Rashid and Spike looked out on the big city skyline.

"Man, looking at all those big buildings makes me want to take an airplane-" Rashid said before stopping himself and turning to Spike. "What brings you back here? Looking for more drugs, my friend?"

"Yeah, how did you know?" Spike asked. Rashid handed Spike a bottle of pills.

"I read you like a book, my friend. Do you also want to know about my good friend, Doctor Kavorkian IV?" Rashid asked.

"Not really," Spike said. "But I'm bored as hell. Tell me anyway."

"Well, Doctor Kavorkian liked to help people kill themselves," Rashid said. "But he got lazy. So he invented these little nanomachines that people could take and use to kill their own selves completely without his help. But it got out of control, my friend."

"I see," Spike said.

"Want me to tell you all about Vincent now?" Rashid asked.

"Yeah..." Spike said. "How do you do those purple-nurples? That really hurt."


"Why are you trying to kill all of these people?" Faye asked. "What did they ever do to-"

"Hey, baby, let's not talk about boring stuff like this," Vincent said. "Let's just shag, baby!"

"But I'm talking to you," Faye said. "You're being very rude!"

"Oh, come on, baby!" Vincent shouted. "I've got all sorts of fun toys!"

Vincent held up a pump.

"See, baby?" Vincent asked. "Not like I need it, but it's groovy! See, you hook it up like this..."

"I used to think this guy was creepy," Faye thought. "Now I just know he's insane. I'm a lot less scared now!"


"Vincent went to war on Titan," Rashid said. "There, they did weird experiments on him. And I think the soldiers in the barracks raped him a couple of times."

"Is that why his mind is so messed up?" Spike asked.

"No, that's not it!" Rashid said. "I'll tell you the real reason Vincent is so messed up. Would you like to hear a song, my friend?"

"Not particularly..."


Andy rode his horse through the streets of the Martian city, looking for Vincent.

"All I have to do is beat Vincent, and I can prove that I'm tougher than Spike!" Andy declared. "Now, where is that guy?"

"Psst!" yelled a voice from the alley. "Wanna hear a tip?"

"A tip?" Andy asked. "About Vincent?"

"Yeah!" the voice shouted. "C'mon!"

Onyx galloped into the alley. Andy hopped off his horse and gazed into the shadows.

"Where are you?" Andy asked. "I need that tip!"

A tall, dark figure stepped out of the shadows.

"It's.... it's you!" Andy said. "You're the greatest samurai of all! You're my hero!"

"That's nice to hear, that it is," Kenshin said. "Now, about that tip..."


"The pump broke," Faye said. "Ha ha!"

"Shut up," Vincent said, pulling his pants back up. "This was really embarrassing!"

"Well, you shouldn't try to mess with things you don't understand," Faye said.

"Judgement Day is coming soon," Vincent said. "I'm going to kill everyone!"

"Really?" Faye asked.

"Well, except for you," Vincent said. "We're going to procreate and repopulate the world.

"Those are going to be some ugly-looking kids," Faye said. "I mean, I'm pretty hot, but you're really ugly. It would never work out."

"Shut up," Vincent said. "Let's shag, baby!"


Rashid climbed to the top of the steps.

"I want to tell you the reason for all of the bad stuff in the world!" Rashid shouted. "And it's a little country called... America!"

"Really?" Spike asked. "Is that why Vincent's so messed up?"

"That's right," Rashid said. He began to sing.

Oh, there's a little place

That's bad to you and me

A country that is drenched

In immorality!

Their TV shows have violence

And their movies have the sex

They push the world around

So we'll push them straight to heck!



With their prettiful blond hair

And revealing underwear!



The country that is bullying the world!

They censor all their anime

And baby all their kids

But at night all of the adults

Love to watch the porno vids

Their double standard's bad

And their economy is worse

They say "f-you" in prime-time

But they won't let Goku curse!




Spike punched Rashid in the stomach.

"Sorry, but I really hate it when people sing," Spike said. Rashid recovered.

"It's okay, my friend," Rashid said. "Have a nice day!"

Spike began to walk down the steps. Suddenly, a group of army men surrounded him.

"You're under arrest for terrorism," one of the army men said. "That Blame America song."

"But Rashid was singing it, not me!" Spike shouted. He turned around and Rashid was gone. "D'oh!"


Meanwhile, at Cherious Medical, Electra was preparing to exit the building and find Vincent. Suddenly, the group of army men surrounded her.

"You're under arrest," the army man said. "You're supposed to be grounded and you started to leave."

"Oh geez, I'm a grown woman!" Electra shouted in frustration.

"Now now," the army man said. "Keep that up and you'll go to bed without supper."


"Kenshin!" Andy said. "You're like, my hero!"

"You must be careful, that you must," Kenshin said. "Vincent is dangerous, that he is."

"I know, but I have to beat him to prove I'm better than Spike!" Andy said. "You understand, right?"

"I understand, that I do," Kenshin said. "You are clearly determined, that you are."

"Thank you, Kenshin," Andy said.

"Faye is being held captive at Vincent's apartment, that she is," Kenshin said. "Only you can rescue her, that you can."

"Faye's in danger?" Andy shouted. "I must rescue her, for I am... Samurai Andy!"

Andy hopped on Onyx's back.

"Thank you!" Andy shouted as he rode off.

"You're welcome, that you are," Kenshin said. "I'd better get my money for this cameo, that I'd better."


"Ed, you know what I need?" Jet asked.

"What's that?" Edward replied, playing a game on her computer.

"I need some chairs with straps. That way, I can keep everyone from leaving," Jet said. "THEY'RE JUST LIKE CHILDREN! I PUNISH AND PUNISH BUT THEY JUST DON'T LISTEN!"

"You could send them to boot camp!" Edward shouted. "Boot camp boot cramp!"

"You're right!" Jet said. He picked up the phone. "I'm calling Raymond Moses."


Meanwhile, in jail...

"Blame America... Blame America..." Spike sang. "Darn it, I can't get that tune out of my head. Stupid Rashid."

"Spike, is that you?" Electra asked. "It's all your fault I didn't catch Vincent!"

"Nah, it's your fault I didn't catch Vincent," Spike said. "I had him down, and then you said something and distracted me and he purple-nurpled me."

"Let's just agree to disagree," Electra said. "If we don't get out of here, we're going to be killed, Spike."

"Killed?" Spike shrieked. "But I'm scared to die!"

"Wow, what happened to you?" Electra asked. "You used to be a carefree badass."

"Vincent happened," Spike said, curled up into a ball on the floor. "He's a big meanie!"

"Oh, him," Electra said. "He used to be my boyfriend, you know."

"Really?" Spike asked.

"Yeah, but then he turned into a complete bully," Electra said. "He kept talking about destroying the world and giving people purple-nurples. That's why I broke up with him."

"Oh," Spike said.

"Anyway, he's got the vaccine for the virus. So do I," Electra said. "That makes us special."

"Oh, shut up," Spike grumbled. "I used to love a girl too. Her name was Julia."

"What happened?" Electra asked.

"This guy named Vicious said he was going to beat me up if I hung out with her anymore," Spike said. "So I left."

"I've figured it out," Electra said. "You're not scared of dying, you're just scared of getting beaten up!"

"That's ridiculous, I've gotten beaten up lots of times," Spike said.

"Oh.... well, that's too bad," Electra said. "You see, I'm scared of getting beaten up too, and if we shared the same fear, then I thought..."

"You'd give me a kiss?" Spike asked. "Oh, well then... I am scared of getting beaten up! Yeah, that's it!"

"Really?" Electra asked.

"No, I'm not," Spike said. "I'm not scared of anything. Except death. It's lurking around every-"

Spike shrieked and pointed at the wall of his prison cell.

"DEEEEEEEEEEEATH!" Spike screamed.

"Oh geez.... get me outta here," Electra sighed.


"Wanna shag, baby?" Vincent asked.

"For the fifty-eighth time, NO," Faye said. "And this time, I mean it."

"Okay," Vincent said. "Looks like I'm just gonna have to kill the world then."

"You do that," Faye said. "I don't care."

"I mean it!" Vincent shouted. "I'm gonna kill the world if we don't shag."

"Fine with me," Faye said.

"You know, I think you're using reverse psychology with me," Vincent said. "You WANT to shag, but you're just playing hard-to-get."

"No, I really don't," Faye said.

"I'm gonna kill the world!" Vincent shouted. "You SURE you don't want to shag with me?"

"I'm sure, Vincent," Faye said. "You're insane. Now leave me alone."

Vincent knelt down next to Faye and took out a knife.

"I'm not scared of your stupid knife," Faye said. Vincent cut Faye's vest open.

"See your vest?" Vincent asked. "That's going to be the whole world if we don't shag."

"You're going to cut the world open with that knife?" Faye asked. "It's a pretty big world, you know."

Vincent pointed his knife at Faye's neck.

"Okay, I'm done with this stuff. Either we shag, or-"

"Go Go Cactus Man" began to play.

"Wha?" Vincent said, standing up.

"See, you're in BIG trouble now, Vincent," Faye said. "Andy, you freaking idiot. You're going to get us both killed."

Just then, Andy burst through the door of the room. He unsheathed his samurai sword and pointed it at Vincent.

"Okay, you... evil-doer!" Andy shouted. "You let Faye go right now, that you'd better!"

Vincent began to laugh.

"Mwahahaha!" Vincent cackled. "Who do you think you are? Kenshin?"

"Well, no, but I'm the next best thing!" Andy shouted. "I'm Samurai Andy! And..."

Andy gasped.

"You're really creepy!" Andy shrieked.

"No, he's just insane," Faye said. "Nothing to fear."

"Really?" Andy said. "Whew!"

Andy ran at Vincent and swung the sword at his head. Vincent parried with his tiny little knife.

"Ha ha!" Andy shouted. "My sword's bigger than yours. I bet you have sword envy right about now, don't you?"

"Not really," Vincent said. "It's not the size of your sword, it's how you wield it that counts!"

"Oh," Andy said. "You've got me beat there..."

"Purple nurple!" Vincent shouted. He reached over and twisted Andy's nipple.

"Argh!" Andy screamed, staggering back. "That really hurt!"

Vincent rushed at Andy and swung his knife at Andy's chest. Andy leaped back easily and slashed at Vincent, cutting him across the leg. Vincent stumbled back. Andy leaped up and kicked Vincent in the head, knocking him to the ground.

"Yes!" Andy shouted. Vincent got back up and threw a punch, missing Andy by a mile. Andy grabbed Vincent by the wrist and threw him to the ground.

"Damn samurai!" Vincent shouted, lying on the ground in pain. Andy began to do the dance of victory.

"Andy's actually beating him," Faye thought. "Is this a dream? Nope, it can't be a dream. It's definitely a nightmare."

"Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Go me! Go me!" Andy shouted. "Oh yeah! Oh-"

Andy began to cough. Vincent stood up.

"The virus is all over this room," Vincent said. "Now it's starting to take effect!"

Vincent punched Andy hard in the face, knocking him back. Andy continued to cough and sneeze.

"Darn you..." Andy coughed. "That's not fair!"

Vincent kicked Andy in the chest. Andy staggered back.

"Ugh..." Andy groaned, falling to one knee. Vincent kicked Andy in the head, knocking him flat on his face.

"So, samurai..." Vincent said, smiling. "Got any last words?"

"Uh-guh-buh-guh-guh-buh-buh-guh!" Andy shouted, convulsing on the ground from the effects of the virus. Vincent stuck his knife in Andy's back.

"ANDY! NOOOOOOOOOO!" Faye screamed. "I mean, not like I like him or anything. I don't! But still... ANDY, NOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Mwahaha!" Vincent shouted. "And now, I shall go off to end the world. When I come back, we're gonna shag!"

Vincent set a tape recorder down on the floor and pressed Play. R.E.M.s "It's The End Of The World As We Know It" began to play. Vincent put on a scary warlock costume and walked out the door.


Meanwhile, back at Cherious Medical....

"We've got to escape," Electra said. "You with me, or not?"

"Will it involve dying?" Spike asked. "Because I'm scared of that."

"No," Electra asked. "Staying here will involve dying."

"Oh," Spike yelled. "WE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!"

Spike ripped off the door of his cell and began to leave.

"Hey, what about me?" Electra asked.

"Oh yeah," Spike said. "Hold on."

Spike ran off to the other room and knocked out several guards. He walked back in, holding a key in one hand and the man who had gotten Electra in trouble in the first place in the other.

"Why do you need a key?" Electra asked. "Couldn't you just-"

"No time," Spike said, ripping the door to Electra's cell off its hinges. "Oh yeah, I could have done that. I didn't need this dumb key. Oh yeah, and you're going to apologize to Electra for being a poopyhead."

"Penishead," Electra said, correcting Spike.

"Whatever," Spike said. Electra walked up, knocked out the man, and ran off with Spike.


Meanwhile, back at the police station...

"You done yet?" Detective #1 asked a slow, incompetent worker sitting at a computer.

"No," the worker said.

"We're just going to go to the sewer then," Detective #1 asked. "C'mon!"

The two detectives left.

"Hey, if you get the Ninja Turtles' autographs, then.... crap, they're gone," the worker sighed.


At Cherious Medical yet AGAIN...

"Here's the vaccine," Steve said. "Now, about Halloween night..."

"Sorry, Steve," Electra said. "Now that we have this, the world SO isn't going to end. So screw you."

Electra and Spike left with the vaccine.


Meanwhile, at the sewer...

"Man, these scene changes are REALLY tiring me out," Detective #2 said. "Can't they just pick one set of characters and stick with them?"

"No," said a sewer worker.

"Well, anyway, somebody's poisoned the water hole," Detective #1 said. "Or they're going to. And you have to do what I say because there's twelve cops with me!"

Twelve cops ran in and pointed guns at all the sewer workers.

"Oh yeah?" the sewer worker said. "You can't push us around!"

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme played. The four ninja turtles burst into the room and were immediately killed by the cops.

"Okay, fine," the sewer worker said. "It's yours."

The two detectives walked up to an extremely complex control console.

"I can't do this," Detective #2 said. "Uh-guh-buh-buh-guh-guh-buh!"


Back at Vincent's shag pad...

"This is bad," Faye said, lying on the floor and still tied up. "I'd better get free before some sick pervert comes in and takes pictures for his bondage-themed website or something."

"Too late!" yelled a man peeking through a window and holding up a camera. He snapped several pictures of Faye and ran off.

"DAMMIT!" Faye shouted. She squirmed over to Andy, pulled the knife out of his back, and cut herself free. "Too bad about Andy, though..."

"Unnh... Faye..." Andy said weakly. Faye walked over and knelt down next to his face.

"You're still alive?" Faye said, looking at him. "Wow..."

"Faye.... you've got to help me..." Andy gasped. "I'm dying..."

"You should be dead already," Faye said. "Well, fine."

Faye took the knife and made a small cut in her arm. She held it up to Andy's face.

"Drink some of this and you should be fine," Faye said. "It's the vaccine."

"That's disgusting!" Andy shouted. "I'm not drinking your blood! Who do you think I am, some kind of sick vampire freak or something? I-"

Faye stuck her arm in Andy's mouth, then pulled it out. Andy stood up.

"Wow, I feel a whole lot better," Andy said. "But still, that was really gross..."

"I saved your butt, Andy," Faye said. "But you'd still better get that wound in your back checked."

"No way!" Andy shouted. "Now that I have the vaccine, I'm going to defeat Vincent! For I am... Samurai Andy! But first, I'm going to hug you for saving my life."

Andy hugged Faye, then ran out the door.

"HEY!" Faye shouted. "I said you could drink my blood, I didn't say you could hug me! COME BACK HERE, YOU STUPID STINKY SAMURAI!"

Faye ran off.


Meanwhile, back aboard the Bebop...

"Can Edward get back on the Internet now?" Ed asked.

"No, Ed," Jet said. "I'm still waiting for my phone call."

"You've been waiting for an hour!" Edward shouted. "Grrr...."

The phone rang. Jet picked it up.

"It's Faye," Jet said. "What? I sit here worrying about you, and you go off to some S&M place? I can't believe this crap! You get your butt back here right now, because you are grounded, little missy!"

Spike and Electra entered the room.

"You're grounded too, Spike! And you... whoever you are, you're grounded! And Ed, you're grounded too! You're all grounded!"


Back in the sewers...

"You found what we're looking for yet?" Detective #1 asked.

"What are we looking for anyway, sir?" asked a SWAT team member.

"We're looking for a pumpkin," Detective #2 asked. "So I can make pumpkin pie! I love-"

Detective #1 growled.

"This pumpkin's filled with the virus," Detective #1 said. "We're trying to save the-"

"Here it is!" Detective #2 said, picking up a jack-o-lantern. "This looks really good..."

"It's a balloon, retard," Detective #1 said. "A balloon? What the f-"


And again, back aboard the Bebop...

"So, where did Faye-Faye go?" Edward asked.

"I don't wanna talk about it," Faye groaned. "Andy's off looking for Vincent. I think he's crazy."

"I see," Jet said, helping Electra stack bottles and bottles of blood. "What's this? You guys going as vampires this year?"

"It's the vaccine," Electra said. "Want some?"

"No thank you," Jet said. "I'll stick to Gatorade, thank you."

"Oooh, Faye-Faye, ooh la la!" Edward said, looking at her computer. Faye leaned over Edward's shoulder.

"What are you.... DAMMIT!" Faye shouted, angrily realizing that the pictures of her tied up had already made it onto the internet and had accumulated over 600,000 hits. "Edward, stop looking at that!"

"But you said you weren't gonna get captured this time, Faye-Faye," Edward said. "Faye-Faye's wrong! Faye-Faye's wrong!"

Faye shrieked and ran out of the room.

"She's mad at Andy, I bet," Spike said. "I don't blame her. I really love that woman."

Spike facefaulted.


Meanwhile, in the sewers...

"So... this balloon is the key to the door that opens the passage to the end of the world?" Detective #2 asked. "Pretty serious stuff if you asked me."

"What's IN the balloon is the question," Detective #1 said.

"So doing this..." Detective #2 said, picking up a needle, "would be pretty stupid, huh?'

Detective #2 popped the balloon. Detective #1 began shouting.


"The only thing in that balloon was air," a sewer worker said. "We've been duped."

Detective #1 breathed a sigh of relief. Detective #2 began convulsing.


Meanwhile, aboard the Bebop, Spike, Faye, Jet, and Electra were sitting inside a locker room.

"I only came back because I left my wallet here," Faye said. "I'm still mad."

"If we want to win, we've got to be hungry to win!" Spike said. "I'll go take care of Vincent."

"You idiot," Faye said. "You'll get yourself killed."

"Nah, don't worry," Spike said. "I'm not scared to die anymore. Electra taught me that life is about as precious as a plugged nickel. Thank you, Electra."

Electra smiled at Spike. Then, she facefaulted.

"Faye, you're going to go and force the people at the weather control center to make it rain," Spike said. "Got that?"

"I wanted to kill Andy," Faye said. "I'm so mad at him for hugging me."

"Too bad," Spike said. "Jet, you're going to go and get some airplanes and have them spread the vaccine around."

"Aw, Spike.... can I beat someone up?" Jet asked.

"No," Spike said.

"But I wanted to beat someone up! I'm the tough guy!" Jet yelled.

"If you touch just one person, I'll kick your butt," Spike said.

"What should I do?" Electra asked.

"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn," Spike said. "Now what're we gonna do?"

"EAT SPAGHETTI-OS!" Faye, Jet, and Electra shouted.

"Let's goooooooo!" Spike yelled. "Who Let The Dogs Out?" played as Spike, Faye, Jet, and Electra ran out of the room.


Meanwhile, Andy was riding around the city, looking for Vincent.

"Gotta find him... gotta pwn him... gotta be better than Spike," Andy chanted to himself. Just then, he spotted Vincent, pushing his way through a large crowd that had gathered to watch the parade. "There he is!"

Onyx galloped down into the crowd, causing the people to scatter as the horse made its way through the crowded streets.

"Okay, Vincent, I see... wait, no I don't," Andy said. Vincent had disappeared into thin air. "I HATE WHEN HE DOES THAT!"


Spike flew the Swordfish down above the crowded city as the misguided military fired on him.

"Why does the military always want to go after the hero?" Spike asked. "First the Hulk, and now me. I'm starting to think we really should blame America."

Spike facefaulted.

"Why did that happen?" Spike yelled.


Meanwhile, at an airplane rental center...

"I need a plane," Jet said.

"Sorry, but we just gave our last one to this weird Middle Eastern fella," said an old man at the desk. "Well, our last good one, anyway. But we have lots of old clunkers!"

"Hey, don't use that kind of language," Jet said. "You motherclunker."

"Clunk you!" the old man shouted. "Now, do you want a plane, or not?"


Meanwhile, Spike continued to avoid the military.

"DARN THESE GUYS!" Spike yelled. "I need some help..."

No help came. Spike narrowly avoided being shot down three times.


Meanwhile, back at the airplane place...

"Here ya go," the old man said. "A fleet of old clunkers."

Fifty crotchety old men ran up to the clunkers and hopped inside.

"Oh geez, I feel like I'm stuck in a scene from Grumpy Old Men," Jet said.

"Clunk you!" the old man shouted. The fifty planes took off and flew toward the city.


"I need help, I need help, I need help!" Spike shouted as the military continued to chase him. "They're going to shoot me down! I don't want to die! Wait, yes I do. But still..."

Just then, help arrived in the form of the fifty old clunkers that had taken off from the air rental center a few minutes earlier. Through some miracle that could only happen in the old planes shot down the new, technologically-advanced military space fighters, then flew off toward the city.

"We did it!" shouted an old man piloting one of the planes. "We showed those young whippersnappers!"

"You idiot, that was the military!" the second old man yelled. "We're gonna get arrested for treason!"

"Nah, we can just say we're senile," the third old man said. "Wait, we are senile! Sweet!"

"Cake is sweet," the first old man said. "Mmm... cake..."


Meanwhile, at the weather control place...

"Okay, stick it up!" Faye shouted, pointing her gun at the men who were seated at the consoles. The men turned around. One of them pointed.

"Hey, it's the chick from BondageNet!" the man shouted. "Oh man, you are so hot!"

"Wha?" Faye said, slightly stunned.

"Dude, it IS the chick!" another man said. "Oh, wow... hey, you like being tied up, right?"

"NO!" Faye shouted angrily. "Now, make it rain!"

"Dude, dude, dude," yet another man said, pointing at Faye. "Seriously, you are the hottest girl I've ever seen."

The man took out a pair of handcuffs.

"Could you, uh... put these on? Just for, you know, old times' sake," the man said.

"Grrr...." Faye growled.

"Could you autograph my duct tape?" the first man shouted, holding up a roll of it. "Please? Make it out to Jerry, please!"

Faye sighed.

"Could you just make it rain?" Faye asked. "I'll do whatever you want, just make it rain."

The men cheered.


Spike rode in a taxi. The heavy traffic caused by the parade slowed the taxi down to a crawl.

"C'mon, c'mon!" Spike yelled. "Just run over these people! Life is worth nothing to me!"

"Now now, I can't do that," the taxi driver said. "This isn't Grand Theft Auto, it's Cowboy Bebop. I mean, uh, it's real life."

Spike sighed. The fare counter in the front of the taxi had reached 25,000 wulongs and was going up, fast.

"This sucks," Spike said.

Suddenly, he spotted a huge, Eiffel Tower-shaped building with the word HALLOWEEN on it in flashing orange lights.

"That's it!" Spike shouted. "That's the bridge to Heaven!"

"No, that's The Big Lebowski," the taxi driver said. "Largest building on Mars. And-"

Spike ran out of the taxi and dashed toward the building.

"You gotta pay!" the taxi driver yelled. A large fleet of old planes, driven by the old men, flew overhead, dumping the vaccine all over the city. "Oh ew, now it's raining blood. That's disgusting."


Vincent stood on the observation deck of the giant tower.

"Time to end the world," Vincent said. "Then I can come back and shag Faye! Oh yeah, baby!"

"You'll do nothing of the sort," Spike said, entering the observation deck. "Except fight me."

Vincent smiled.

"I kicked your butt, Spike," Vincent said. "Don't you remember the monorail?"

"No, because I hit my head when I fell and completely forgot you giving me a purple-nurple, you shooting me, and... wait, I do remember! You're a bad man, Vincent!"

Vincent pointed out toward the street.

"See that pumpkin?" Vincent said. "When I press this button..."

Vincent pointed to a small detonation device that was currently strapped to his leg.

"Pumpkin goes boom, and everybody dies," Vincent said. "Pretty ingenious, huh?"

"I could think of a better way to end the world," Spike said. "And just to be fair, I'll do it with nanomachines. See, you just program a nanomachine to turn everything it touches into another nanomachine. Then, you set in on the ground. Within hours, everything in the world is a nanomachine! Isn't that cool?"

"Damn, why didn't I think of that?" Vincent asked. "Oh well. I'll kill you, then I'll steal your idea!"

"Go Go Cactus Man" began to play. Samurai Andy stepped into the room.

"Somebody call for a hero?" Andy asked. "Huh? Huh?"

"Andy, get out of here, you big doo-doo head," Spike said. "I've got this situation handled."

"Spike, you are a big retarded meanie poopyface!" Andy shouted. "You had your turn to fight Vincent, now I want mine!"

"You both already fought me, and I beat your butts," Vincent said. He took out his gun. Spike did the same.

"Hey, wait!" Andy shouted. "You guys have guns, and I only have a sword!"

Vincent and Spike both turned toward Andy and fired all of their bullets. Andy blocked all of them with his sword. Vincent and Spike dropped their guns.

"See?" Andy said. "Swords are way better anyway. But since I'm a fair cowboy..."

Andy dropped his sword. The three men all rushed at each other and began wildly throwing punches and kicks. Outside, it began to rain.

"You... hurt Faye!" Andy shouted, punching Vincent in the face.

"You... hurt my feelings!" Spike yelled, punching Andy in the ribs.

"You... hurt my pride by making a better plan to end the world than I did!" Vincent yelled, punching Spike in the groin. Spike doubled over.

"Hey, that was cheap," Andy said. "But since you did it to Spike, I'm okay."

Andy kicked Vincent in the head, knocking him down. Spike got up and tackled Andy to the ground. Vincent stood up and jumped on top of Andy and Spike, scratching at them with his creepy fingernails. Andy rolled over and kicked both Spike and Vincent off of him. Spike rolled over and kicked Vincent in the ankle, sending him crashing to the ground, face-first.

"Looks like I'll have to play dirty," Vincent said. He reached down into his pocket.

"Ew, he's playing pocket pool now!" Spike shouted.

"That's disgusting," Andy said, shaking his head. "Sick freak."

Vincent pulled a small, blue marble out of his pocket.

"He played with himself so much it fell off!" Andy yelled in disgust. "And it's blue! That's gross!"

"Andy, you idiot, it's not... LOOK OUT!" Spike shouted as Vincent hurled the marble to the ground, shattering it and spreading the deadly virus around the room. Spike began to cough and sneeze, while Andy just stood there. He began to laugh.

"Ha ha!" Andy shouted. "Faye gave me the vaccine, so I'm just fine!"

"Faye... gave you the what?" Vincent asked.

"Faye escaped all by herself!" Andy shouted. "She's too tough to be your love slave, you sick freak! She's a beautiful, smart, and tough little lady, and I love her!"

"Shut up, Cowboy Andy," Spike said, coughing and sputtering. "Uh-guh-buh-buh-guh-guh-guh-buh-guh-buh-buh-guh-buh-guh-buh-buh-guh!"

"I'm a samurai!" Andy shouted. "Samurai!"

Spike began convulsing on the ground.

"I see... butterflies..." Spike said. "Damn, guess I popped too many of those pills that Rashid gave me."

"Nope, that's the virus," Vincent said. "Butterflies are so cute, so I added them as a little side effect. Cool, huh?"

Vincent bent down and picked up the detonator. He pressed the button, blowing it up and spreading the deadly virus all over the city.

"Ha!" Vincent shouted. "It's the end of the world! I did it!"

"I don't care... I'll finally be free..." Spike said.

"Eh?" Vincent asked.

"Don't you know?" Spike asked. "When you... die... you're finally free. Dying kicks ass, man."

"Wha?" Vincent shouted. "No fair, I wanna die too!"

"Look, if you guys are going to commit joint suicide, I don't want any part of it," Andy said, turning toward the door. "Screw you guys, I'm going home!"

Andy left. As he did, Electra walked in.

"What are you guys doing?" Electra asked, pointing her gun at Vincent. "And Spike! Oh no!"

"Don't worry, Electra," Spike said. "I want to die now! Dying is cool!"

"It's not fair," Vincent said, starting to cry. "I want to die so bad, but Spike's the only one who gets to..."

"I can fix that, Vincy-baby," Electra said. She shot Vincent in the head, killing him instantly.

"Hey... he gets to die first?" Spike asked. "No fair!"

Spike stood up.

"What the fudge?" Spike asked. "I'm fine!"

"Yeah, looks like the vaccine spread through the city pretty quick," Electra said. "You're cured, Spike."

"No fair!" Spike yelled. "I wanna die too!"

A puzzled look crossed Spike's face.

"And what did you mean by... Vincy-baby?" Spike asked.

"Oh, that. Well, you see... I fell in love with Vincent again. He's a rebel!" Electra said.

Electra smiled.

"Welp, guess I'd better get back to Steve," Electra said. "Since Vincent's dead, I need a new boyfriend. And Steve is such a sexy man. Almost as sexy as Vincent! Welp, see ya!"

Electra left.

"I didn't die... and Electra's not going out with me..." Spike said, stumbling toward the door. "And I missed my soaps."

"Wait...." Vincent said, starting to sit up. "Spiiiiiiike..."

"You're not dead?" Spike asked, turning around.

"I'm going to die, but before... before I do... I have to tell you something important.... Spike... I am.... your third cousin, twice-removed."

Vincent died.

"Well, I guess he sorta beared some resemblance to...."

Spike looked up at the sky in disbelief.



Meanwhile, Jet and Faye drove their space fighters back toward the Bebop.

"So you said you were going to let them tie you up, and then you kicked them in the nuts and ran?" Jet asked. "That was deceptive, Faye. You're grounded.

"Hey, at least I saved the world," Faye said. "What did you do today that was so important?'

"I saw a western movie at the drive-in," Jet said. "It was a damn good one, too."

"I beat Spike and Vincent!" Andy said, perched on top of the Redtail.

"No you didn't," Faye said. "You're just a stupid, stinky samurai."

"Hey, she got it right!" Andy said. "YES!"


He was always alone, playing with himself. It's fun to play with yourself. Especially when you're alone.

Man, I can't believe he was my third cousin, twice-removed. That was a real shocker.

roll end credits

Sappiness is just a world to me

I'd rather read an angsty story where the hero dies anyway

This damn fic is just a parody

And a pretty lousy one at that, except for the Rashid parts

Always making fun of current events

By slamming Middle Easterns, man that is kinda racist

But it's good to laugh when there's

A war going on in Iraq... oh wait, it's over?

The more I read

The madder I get

The more I sit here on the Internet

When it rains, I get wet

Oh yeah

The more that I write

The more that it seems

I'll offend somebody someday

But I don't care

Gotta laugh a little harder

Gotta laugh a little harder

When you're reading my fanfics

Don't pee your pants

Faye just got a little hotter

Andy just got a little dumber

Wish that Spike would crawl into a

Den of fire ants

Oh yeah

Gotta laugh a little harder

Gotta laugh a little harder

When I'm writing these fanfics

My fingers cramp

Jet just got a little tougher

Ed just got a little weirder

I wish I didn't forget

That Ein exists

Oh yeah...

Gotta write a little longer

Gotta make people laugh harder

Gotta type a little faster...

Break my... compuuuuuter...


Andy is standing in a dingy apartment.

Old Woman: Andy, you're the only one that stands in his way.

Andy: What now? You don't make any sense!

Andy is walking down a rainy street. Thousands of angry-looking Vincents stand on either side of him.

Vincent: Mister Oniyate, you're back... we've missed you.

Faye is alone in a dark room, tied to a chair. Vincent walks up to her.

Vincent: This time, we're definately gonna shag, baby!

Faye screams. The scene switches to Edward, holding onto Applederry's head for dear life.


Applederry: I don't have it! It's just a game!

Jet: Got your nose!

Edward: leaps from Applederry to Jet

The scene switches to inside the Bebop.

Gabby: Andy, for God's sake don't jump into the Netrix again!

Faye: No, no, do it. Stupid stinky cowboy. giggles

Jet: Shut up, Faye.

Back to the rainy street. Andy and Vincent run at each other. They punch each other, causing both of them to fly back. The screen goes black.

Andy: Yee-haw! I love this stuff!

Faye: Give me a turn, Andy. I want to go back to my Netrix fantasy.

Scene switches to Spike and Faye, making out. Then, back to the Bebop.

Andy: Like that'll ever happen.

Cowboy Bebop: The Funniererer Session- Bebop Revolutions

Coming Winter 2003.