AUTHOR: Susan / apckrfan
DISTRIBUTION: My site Anyone else, please just tell me where it's at.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters. They are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, etc. No copyright infringement is intended and no profit is made.
SPOILERS: Through Becoming 1 (2x21)
SUMMARY: Kendra's last thoughts
NOTES: My first attempt at a first person narrative.
FEEDBACK: Please, I can't write better without it.
DATE WRITTEN: August 2004
I cannot resist looking into her eyes. It was the first thing my watcher ever taught me; never look a vampire in the eye. I had probably been taught this before I was out of diapers. I am glad he is not here to see me crumble under pressure.
I see the others in the room and know I am supposed to be defending them but her eyes are too compelling for me to do anything but look at her. She is beautiful, this dark haired vampire dressed like an antiquated gothic figure.
I feel my body begin to sway as if she is making me dance. I feel her taking over my mind but there is nothing I can do to stop her. I hear the others screaming, calling out to one another in a panic. They do not bother calling to me, they must realize that when it comes down to it I am of no use to them.
I did not think it would happen this soon, not this way, being bespelled by a vampire while others watched. My mind whirls with all of the information I have been given to prevent this day from happening, but there is nothing I can do to stop it. I am caught, frozen in place and the strange thing is I really do not want to get out.
I feel them calling to me, the other slayers before me. It is as if they are beckoning me from a far away place, but I am not supposed to be joining them yet. I know that another will be called after me and Buffy will hopefully be here to continue to fight for the cause. It has always been about the cause for me, sacrifice. That is what slayers do, sacrifice. I know that now, I feel the pain the others experienced when they realized their lives were over far too soon.
I envied Buffy her friends, her family, her normal life. Maybe that is why this is happening to me. I was taught those things were not to be had. I was content being alone, training and learning in solitude until I came here. I envied her, which is what led me back to Sunnydale a second time and now my time as a slayer is over.
I watch her fingers dance gracefully in front of my face. This is the end, I realize as I feel a tear fall in a gentle cascade over my cheek and down my face. I cannot even wipe it away I am that helpless to do anything. I hope the others are able to get away, that my being here is a distraction to the vampires. I could never forgive myself if innocents died because I broke the first rule I was ever taught.