Narcissa was out.
Lucius was bored.

He was sitting around on a sofa in a hallway. He observed that Narcissa's parlour door was open. Not wide open, but there was still light seeping through. Enough to make him curious. He'd never been in his wife's parlour, she spent so much time in there that he was sure there must be something amazing in there. He sneaked over, opened the door, went in, and then slammed it behind him. But the thought occurred that slamming it might gather suspicion, so he opened it and closed it again lightly. But then the thought occurred that that might be suspicious too. So in the end he left it. The room was pink and shiny, almost hypnotic. A large shining dressing table soaked in sunlight beckoned him. He gingerly sat down on the dressing table stool. He looked at the variety of products on the table. A shiny red lipstick lured him. Narcissa always put this stuff on in abundance; it must've been good. He picked it up slowly, then took off the lid and carefully applied it to his own lips. He looked in the mirror and chuckled. In his opinion, it looked as good on him as it did Narcissa; Better even! But, Lucius always was very proud of his appearance. Quickly, other products lured him.

Before long, he was standing in front of several full-length mirrors holding up his hair. The long red Sequin dress really brought out his figure, even if he had to wear a bra and stuff it with tissue.

"Hello, I'm Lucia!" he said to the mirror.
"Lucia, How long do we have to do this?" the mirror complained.
"As long as it takes!!!" Lucius snapped.
"Fine." The mirror growled reluctantly.
"'Ello, I am… I mean… Je m'appelle Lucia!' he said, trying out a syrupy French accent.
He then started singing and dancing to a muggle song called 'Take a Walk on the Wild Side'.

Lucius, or Lucia hadn't noticed that the door was opening itself. Or was it?
His son Draco was stood gawping in the doorway. What Lucius had forgotten earlier was that it was Draco's Summer holidays.
"Father…?" Draco gulped.
Lucius looked at him, then looked at himself, then screamed.
"It's not what it looks like!!!" he screamed.
"Don't worry, father, I promise I won't tell mother!" Draco said, worried about what Lucius would do if he told.
"TELL ME WHAT?!?!" they heard Narcissa shout from outside the door. Draco slammed himself against the door.
"NOTHING MUMMY!" Draco shouted. Calling her mummy was probably the only thing that could make the situation more embarassing.
"Draco-Diddy-Kins, could you get out the way of the door please?" Narcissa asked.
"Hm? I'm not in the way of the door." He said frantically. Lucius was frantically trying to hide himself behind a fan.
"Then why can't I get in the door?" she asked.
"Um… you're tired. You should go to bed." Draco persuaded.
"I spent the day at a Spa, Draco. I'm not tired." She said wearily.
"Of course you are, Narcissa! Go!" Lucius shouted.
"Lucius… What are you doing in there?" she asked getting suspicious. She pushed harder on the door and pushed Draco over.
"Ow!" Draco whined from floor.
Narcissa started picking him up, noticed Lucius and dropped him again.
"Oof!" Draco groaned.

Narcissa looked at Lucius in shock for a minute. Then burst out laughing.
"Narcissa, it is not what it looks like." He growled.
"You try telling the ministry that!" she said, still howling with laughter. She then ran off to find a camera.

"Father?" Draco started.
"Yes, Draco?" Lucius gulped.
"If you kill some Muggles, you could get sent to Azkaban." He suggested.
"How would that help?" he wailed.
"You can avoid the ministry while they're passing the photos around."