It was a normal day in Abhorsen's House: Sameth was making pink bandoliers, Sabriel was figuring out how many licks it took to finish a lollipop, and Lirael was—well, just being weird.

Mogget: I really think Lirael's lost it now.

Dog: Why?

Mogget: She's going around and sharpening all the chopsticks in the House. She says that she might need them to poke Sabriel.

Dog: Why does she want to poke Sabriel?

Mogget: I have NO idea. She's just being, well… Lirael.

Dog: Ah. I've never quite figured out why Lirael is always so nutty in people's fanfictions… oh well…

Meanwhile…

Sabriel (to Touchstone): I think I've figured out how many licks it takes to finish a lollipop!

Touchstone: Oh. How… um…

Sabriel: It's 1,782! But maybe it varies with different flavors…

Touchstone: …

Sabriel: So I've only been trying grape. I think I'm going to buy some cherry ones now. Anyone need anything? Cause I'm going to the store.

Lirael: I could use a packet of ladybugs!

Sabriel: Okay, Lirael.

Sameth: And I need more nylon! I've decided to make more than bandoliers; now I'm making panpipe pocket-protectors!

Sabriel: What color?

Sameth: Sort of a yellow-ish gold, you know, the same color they paint schoolbuses.

Sabriel: Okay.

Elsewhere…

Sameth: Wow! I've just made my 1,782 bandoliers! I think I'm going to embroider lollipops on them now…

Elsewhere…

Dog: MY COOKIES!

Mogget: No way, dog breath.

Dog: Why, you little… MOGGIE! MO-O-O-O-GIE!

Moggie Mogget: NOOOOOOOOOO! NOT … THE NAME!

Dog: MO-O-O-O-O-O-GIEEEEEEE!

Mogget: Fine! I surrender! Just not the name… ROOFUS! ROOFUS!

Dog: MOGGIE MOGGIE MOGGIE!

Mogget: ROOFUS ROOFUS ROOFUS!

glare at each other cookie lying innocently on table

Lirael: walking in Hey, look, a cookie! grabs cookie Yum!

Lirael receives death glare

Lirael: What did I do? Oh, I get it… you wanted one of those calcium chews! Here you go!

DEATH GLARE DEATH GLARE DEATH GLARE

Meanwhile:

Sabriel: I'm ho-o-o-o-ome!

Lirael: Did you get my ladybugs?

Sabriel: Yup.

Lirael: Thanks! tears packet open

Sabriel: Not in the house! MY LOLLIPOPS ARE IN DAAAAAANGER!

Sameth: Hey, Lirael. I just finished 1,782 bandoliers and I've embroidered lollipops on them! Here you go!

Lirael: Oooh! I WUV lollipops!

Touchstone (thinking): The weird just get weirder…

Lirael: MUAHAHA! gets chopsticks POKE! POKE! POKE!

Sabriel: HA! brings out lollipops Parry thrust, parry thrust!

Lirael: Feel the might of my CHOPSTICKS! lollipop snaps

Sabriel: …………………………………………………………………………………………

Touchstone: Hooooooooooooooooo boy.

Sabriel: MYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY CHOPSTICKKKKKKSSS! screams loudly ARRRGHH! STAND AND FIGHT, LITTLE MISS CHOPSTICKS! tackles Lirael

Lirael: POKE… POKE… POKE…

Meanwhile…

Sameth: Lirael didn't like my bandolier! She was LYING! I have …to make… voodoo… dolly! hammer hammer

Meanwhile:

Dog: We have to band together to get Lirael!

Mogget: Of course. After that incident, I couldn't do anything else. Those calcium chews are stuck in my thoat…

Dog: But how?

Mogget: Let's buy fake bells and send her into death!

Dog: Great idea!!!

Things aren't looking to good for Lirael now, are they…?

END!

(Well, maybe)

Author's Note:

PLEASE REVIEW! And please rate it on a scale of one to ten, ten being the best. Thanks!