The More Things Change
Isis is the Egyptian Goddess of Fertility, Marital Devotion, and Motherhood. She was the Queen of the Egyptian pantheon, and was synonymous with the image of devoted wife and mother. Hathor was the Goddess of Fertility, Love and Marriage. Set was the God of storms and violence. I figure that while invoking Ra's name is equivalent to just an all-encompassing monotheistic 'God', in some cases you'd want a little more specificity.
He hoped he'd been imagining things.
But both the cards and his own Shadow Magic had confirmed it.
Placing one hand gently, almost cautiously, on his – for-now – flat stomach, Bakura grimaced.
How the hell was he going to tell Yami about this?
"What do you mean you're pregnant?!"
Bakura scowled. Maybe I shouldn't have been so blunt… Nah, I like seeing him squirm. He inwardly smiled at the thought. "Just what I said, Pharaoh. I'm pregnant – knocked up, with child, in the family way…" I'm not British like Ryou, or I'd say 'up the duff'.
"But you're a guy," Yami broke in, panicked. He froze. "Aren't you?" he asked hesitantly.
Bakura's expression was flat. "Yes," he hissed scathingly. "And it makes no difference when magic is involved, baka," he pointed out. Am I the only one in this relationship who uses my brain?
Yami scowled. "Fine, if you're so well-informed on this subject, then how did this happen?" he demanded.
Bakura smirked. "The usual way," he drawled, lancing back against the wall and canting his hips in a blatantly suggestive gesture. And he thinks that me being on the bottom means he's the dominant one – che, right. It just means he misses out.
Though this is one time I would have been willing to miss out.
He frowned internally at that thought.
Glaring (and mentally willing himself not to get an erection at the evocative pose), Yami said, "The magic part, tomb-raider."
"I'm exactly eight weeks along. You do remember where we had sex eight weeks ago, don't you?" Bakura asked dryly, a grin lurking on his lips. It was definitely a fun time; I won't be forgetting it any time soon, that's for sure.
For multiple reasons.
Yami gulped. "The Shadow Realm?" he asked, almost as if he wanted Bakura to disagree with him.
Bakura nodded once. "And you do remember that our physical forms are basically just affectations; blobs of energy we shape to suit our needs?"
Yami made a choked sound, which might have been an assent.
Bakura chose to take it as one and continued with his explanation. "While we were there, we were blobs of energy given a technical corporeal form, more concentrated for the fact that we were in a magic reality and not a physical one. Energy can combine and grow, and I think that's what happened in this case." And I can't believe that Physics class Ryou's taking actually came in handy.
Slumping down on the bed, Yami stared at his lover, a wild-eyed, panicked look on his face. "You're…pregnant?" he asked weakly. "We're going to have a…baby?"
Bakura nodded gently, inwardly breathing a sigh of relief that Yami had said 'we'. That was an implicit indicator that the Pharaoh would support him through this. Their relationship was tenuous at best, based more on lust and need for a partner who wouldn't back down than actual feelings. He hadn't been sure that there was any commitment to this relationship on Yami's part, but the other spirit apparently wanted him around at least a little. Thank Ra, he didn't think he could go through this without his koi…though he'd never admit it, least of all to Yami of all people.
Rallying himself, Yami looked at Bakura and asked seriously, "Do you want this?"
Slightly stunned by the question, Bakura blurted out the first words that came to mind. "Of course I do! Why would I not want your child? I could never not want any part of you."
At Yami's shy smile, Bakura mentally winced. Ra, could he have sounded more…girly? Considering the circumstances, his words were as good as…a declaration of love.
Isis and Hathor, bad enough he had to be pregnant, now he was falling in love? What next, he'd start being nice to everyone and quit stealing?
"Bakura, I…I never expected this, but I can't say this child is an unwelcome surprise," Yami admitted. "I've always been fond of children; I just never expected to have any of my own."
"Because you're gay?" Bakura asked.
"Because I didn't think our magically-created bodies were anatomically correct enough to reproduce," Yami said dryly. A moment later his lips turned up in a smirk and he added, "And because I'm bisexual and in a gay relationship."
Right…like he actually thinks I'm going to believe he likes girls? As Ryou would say: 'Codswallop!'
Damn, I need to quit picking up his language patterns.
"So this is a relationship?" Bakura asked, wincing once again as he berated himself for voicing his thoughts – especially those thoughts. Was he actually trying to sabotage his image and appear emotionally fucking vulnerable for Ra's sake?
Now Yami appeared bemused. "Well, I thought so. What do you think it is?"
Rolling his eyes, Bakura said, "Well, I thought what with you not wanting to 'get into anything heavy' as you put it, and us keeping our relationship a secret from everyone for the past seven months that you weren't looking for anything serious."
"I…I didn't want to scare you off with talk about commitment," Yami stuttered. "Do you not want us to be serious?" He appeared hurt at that thought.
Exasperated and more than a little ticked-off with the whole situation and how dense Yami was being, Bakura growled, "I never said anything like that. I was trying to give you what you wanted, for Ra's sake!" Fuck, now he sounded needy. That's what he got for speaking before he thought. If only Set would throw down one of his thunderbolts and strike him dead so he could quit letting his mouth run away with him.
No, he wouldn't want that to happen – after all, it wasn't just his life now. There was the child to consider…
And now he was sounding maternal! Which…was actually okay, since he was going to be a 'mother'.
And, more importantly – much more importantly – these were his thoughts, and Yami hadn't heard them.
Yami's hesitant question brought him out of said thoughts with a jerk. "So, you do want to raise this child together?" the former-Pharaoh asked.
Cocking an eyebrow at the other spirit, Bakura said mockingly, "Well, I would not be adverse to your assistance, no… Of course I want your help, baka, do you honestly think I could parent this kid by myself?" I know I can't accomplish any such thing. Look at the mess I made of taking care of Ryou, and he was eight when I showed up.
"I think you could do anything you put your mind to," Yami said, continuing before Bakura could react to the blatant compliment, "But you won't have to, because I definitely want us to raise this child…our child…together."
"Well, that's…good," Bakura decided, a little off-kilter from how…odd…this whole conversation was turning out. A compliment, a commitment to our 'relationship', and aside from his first exclamation he hasn't even freaked out.
Okay, where's the pod?
"Bakura…" Yami said compassionately. "I am very serious about our relationship. Even more so now that we're going to have a child."
"We?" Bakura broke in. He was conveniently forgetting how comforting his koi's usage of that word not minutes ago had been in favor of unleashing some of his pent-up frustration on the nearest – and his favorite – target. "What 'we', Pharaoh; I am going to be 'having' this kid. And speaking of which, I don't suppose you'd know how it's going to get out of me, do you?" I know I'm dreading that even more than I've ever dreaded anything in my life – except maybe telling Yami about this baby.
Though that turned out pretty good, come to think of it…
Yami froze for a moment, then, after thinking, said thoughtfully, "Well, the same way it got in, I suppose."
Bakura paled. "WHAT?!"
Blanching as he realized how his words must have sounded, Yami was quick to reassure his koi, "No, no, I meant in the Shadow Realm, 'Kura. When we – or rather, you – think it's time for the birth, we go to the Shadow Realm."
"And do what?" Bakura asked testily, still coming down from his panicked episode. Imagine trying to squeeze the kid out his…ow.
"You turn back into a ball of energy and just…let the smaller ball of energy float out," Yami said, as if he was trying to hold back the words 'of course'.
Well, how was he supposed to have figured something as blindingly simple as that out? He'd been too busy freaking out about actually being pregnant and dealing with the pregnancy itself to spend much time thinking about the actual birth.
Plus there was the fact that it completely terrified him to think about it, more than anything he'd ever been through in his life – up to and including the time Ryou had asked him to baby-sit Mokuba so he and Seto could celebrate their anniversary alone, and because of a snowstorm he'd been stuck with the kid for three whole days; then the brat had gotten sick so he'd had to nurse him through a cold – so he'd actually been trying to avoid thinking about going into labor.
"Do you really think it will be that simple?" he snapped out, skeptical. Instead of being nice and thanking Yami for coming up with this solution, he was going to be as argumentative and contrary as possible. Because that was who he was: Mr. Not Nice Guy. Though it was true that sometimes the simple solutions were the best, not everything was so easy.
And he liked ticking Yami off; the bickering was great foreplay.
"There's no reason to think it won't work," Yami countered.
"There's no reason to think it will, either," Bakura pointed out, being stubbornly pessimistic, as was his nature.
Yami sighed. "Bakura, for once in your life do you think you could manage to lay off the belligerence and tone down your usually quarrelsome nature?"
"Why should I?" Bakura asked petulantly, a smile threatening to explode over his lips. Ah, yes, the phrase 'beautiful when he's angry' definitely applies to dark spirits with tri-colored hair.
"Because…" Yami trailed off, obviously trying to think of what he could bribe the other spirit with. A rather wicked grin came over his face. "I'll dress up for you tonight," he bargained.
Interest piqued, Bakura asked guardedly, "In what?"
"Anything you want," Yami purred on a drawl.
Damn, he can be as seductive as a succubus doused in aphrodisiac when he wants to be, Bakura thought, throat dry. And twice as sexy. Note to self: get Yami angry more often. "All right," he said aloud. "You dress up for me tonight, and for the rest of this conversation I promise not to be disruptive." Not that I plan for 'the rest of this conversation' to be all that long.
"Deal," Yami agreed, before continuing briskly on with, "And, now that the matter of how this kid is going to be born is out of the way, what should we do until then?"
"You mean, for the next seven months?" Bakura clarified.
"Exactly," Yami confirmed. "I mean, there's so many things babies need: clothes, food, toys…and we need to figure out where it's going to stay, and what to tell people; Ra, when to tell people…" The spirit of the Millennium Puzzle was developing a nervous tic as he ticked off the points on his fingers. He was also rapidly running out of said fingers.
Bakura, tired of listening to Yami ramble, shut his lover up with a blisteringly hot kiss. When the former Pharaoh stopped squirming and resisting and started returning the kiss, Bakura broke away.
"Yami…" Bakura hissed. "We don't have to figure out all of that now, you know.""Well, we can't put it off forever," Yami pointed out, voice breathless.
"I'm not talking about forever," Bakura replied. "I'm not even talking about more than a few weeks."
"A few weeks?" Yami asked dubiously.
Bakura shrugged and rolled his eyes. "Or the few hours it'll take for us to have sex," he said plainly.
Yami's lips twitched in a suppressed smile. "Horny little devil, aren't you?" he teased.
"In more ways than one," Bakura agreed, patting the twin spikes of hair on top of his own head.
Yami rolled his eyes. "You promised to be serious…" he said threateningly, his tone unable to hide his suppressed ardor.
"Hai, hai, I did," Bakura agreed. Only for the rest of this particular conversation. "But what could be more serious than me fucking you through the mattress?" he asked, bland voice at odds with his erotic words.
Blinking, Yami said slowly, "You have a point…" He shifted his hips, pants tightening over an obvious swelling.
"Five of them, in fact," Bakura confirmed brightly, referring to the five points on the Millennium Ring.
Yami's eyes narrowed. "Ha-fucking-ha," he growled.
"Yes, fucking, exactly what I was thinking of," Bakura agreed. Come on, give in…you know you want to, he mentally wheedled.
Well, I know I want to, anyway.
Rolling his eyes, Yami heaved a sigh. "Fine," he said long-sufferingly. "I shall give myself over to your sizeable sexual appetites and allow you to have your way with me." The sparkle in his crimson eyes let on that he wasn't too displeased with these circumstances.
Even if Bakura had just maneuvered him into ending the conversation early. The thief had, after all, only promised to behave for this one…
"Yes!" Bakura crowed. Finally. We can fuck, and I can get my mind off this kid for a little while. While their 'relationship' as such was always confusing and never normal, the sex was fantastic. Especially since Yami was like himself in several respects: always willing to try something new, extremely creative, one of the most sensual bishounen in the world…and a screamer.
That last was something he'd never admit to being, but all the other points he'd agree to with alacrity.
"We can discuss the baby later," Yami went on, snapping him out of his dazed thoughts.
"We can discuss everything later," Bakura agreed, pouncing on his lover. They rolled across the floor, coming up against the edge of Bakura's bed, with the thief perched on top of the former Pharaoh.
"Now…" Bakura purred, eyes flashing with lust. "It's time to start a different kind of mutual exchange…involving no coherent words." So saying, he dipped his head down, but was stopped short by Yami.
"I just thought of something," Yami burst out. "You're pregnant, what if…?"
"Oh, no, Pharaoh," Bakura cut him off, tone low and threatening. "There is no way you're stupid enough to think that just because I'm pregnant means we can't have sex." There is no way you're holding out on me for the next seven months, either, he continued internally. I've heard about all the bad things that happened when you're pregnant: morning sickness, swollen joints, exhaustion, mood swings – well, the mood swings are normal for me, I suppose – but the only good thing as far as I can see is that somewhere around the third trimester my hormones will kick in and I'll be horny all the time.
Which I normally wouldn't consider good, but as long as I have a willing – or, at least, mostly willing – participant…
And if you're not willing, I might just have to kill you in order to work off my frustrations, he thought.
"Actually, no, I'm not that stupid," Yami said, face and voice flat. "What I was going to say was what if I got pregnant?"
"I'm not planning on us having sex in the Shadow Realm; and since that was the only reason I got pregnant…" Bakura let his voice trail off suggestively. If he doesn't accept that answer, I might just have to rape him, he thought regretfully. All the adrenaline I built up in preparation for fighting with him has to go somewhere – preferably into him.
Yami brightened, seeming to forget about Bakura's previous insult in the wake of reassurance that he wouldn't be deprived of his active sex life. "Works for me!" he said cheerfully.
"Good," Bakura purred, before yanking the other spirit up into a sizzling kiss before nibbling and licking his way around Yami's chest and neck. He'd gone way too long without this.
Note to self: make sure to never go more than two days without sex, ever again.
Also, make sure to never bottom if we have sex in the Shadow Realm again, he thought sternly.
As Yami shuddered under his nibbling teeth, a thought occurred to him.
Though, depending on how bad this pregnancy goes, I might make Yami bottom…
He smirked around the earlobe he was chewing lightly on. Revenge is a dish best paid back in kind, after all. An eye for an eye…a kid for a kid.
While normally the thought of even one baby, let alone more than that, in his care would have driven him into a state of panic…the past few days after he'd discovered his pregnancy he'd spent hours coming up with reasons why it wasn't so bad.
They were severely outnumbered by the reasons why it was bad, but…
And kids cause more mischief accidentally than I ever could on purpose. Might just have to get him knocked up several times, and then I'll have my own little flock of problem children wreaking mass mayhem in Domino City.
I could rope Téa into babysitting.
He inwardly chuckled. Hah! I definitely haven't lost my nasty edge if I can come up with something like that.
With that cheery thought, Bakura set about immersing himself in his current activity: making Yami melt into a puddle of quivering former Pharaoh-turned-dark spirit goo.
Aside from thieving and causing random acts of chaos, it was what he did best.